This is a guest blog submitted by Licensedinchocolate@healthkicker "I just couldn't be with anyone who doesn't care of their body and is overweight. That just...disturbs me."
I sat looking at him trying to keep a semblance of control on my face. Surely he did not just say that! Here was this guy trying to impress me and he makes a comment like that. Granted, he is very fit and works out several times a week. He has always made fitness a priority in his life and that's great, I respect him for that. But that comment really took me aback and made me think.
Yes, I like to care of my body and stay fit. But I don't want to be with a guy who doesn't want to be with me anymore if I were to gain weight. That also shows (to me, at least, that one of his main focuses is on how I look. While, for the moment, that's a compliment because he wants to be with me, it's not something to base a long-term relationship on, obviously.
What would you have done if someone had said this to you?
Do you find yourself mainly being with people of a similar "fitness level?"
How much does health and fitness play a part in your relationship?
Comments (13)
I am good friends with someone who says he only talks to/befriends good looking girls, and only dates REALLY good looking girls. While I should be flattered because we are good friends, and because he once expressed interest in trying a relationship..... My disgust for what I perceived as shallowness overcame the flattery. Needless to say, I told him we did NOT have enough in common to have a successful relationship. Looks honestly are not a priority for me in a relationship. Health is, but you don't have to be chiseled and fit to win me over.
I think someones fitness and health is incredibly important. If someone said that to me, I would be very hurt. It makes me wonder if that guy is closed minded, or if he would be able to actually help a person that he was with get more healthy and increase her fitness.
I personally would NOT want to be with someone who doesn't care about themselves. Being overweight and unhealthy is unattractive as well as horrible for your health. I am overweight; and racing to change that factor, right along with my boyfriend. If he didnt want to change, I am not so sure I could handle being with him. Fitness and health are majorly important to me.
Imagine if you were with a person, who didnt care about themselves and ate horribly. They are likely to develop heart related health issues and countless other problems associated with poor eating and health. Its heartbreaking to watch someone suffer with their health, and then they would likely die. Why put yourself through that? Its a waste.
Well not essentially same fitness level. I mean, for me, I'm looking for a partner who has the same intellect level. :)
Okay well, I personally do not care too much about looks, but i won't lie...looks are of course the first things to attract me to someone, as almost anyone would say. and while i don't support it, i understand people not wanting to date people that are unattractive to them because well..it's just kind of human nature. even my brother, a looks and exercise obsessed guy, told me this when i was younger (like 13) which was one big trigger for me to lose weight.."when you look good, life is a lot easier." that sounds incredibly shallow, but we all know it's true. he knew that from experience bc he used to be bigger and then lost weight/got muscles. and then when i lost weight, i noticed the same.
so if someone said that to me, in my head i would have probably had the same response as you at first, but i know it's nothing out of the ordinary, so i wouldn't be mad about it or anything.
i don't have a boyfriend now, but w/my last bf, we really didn't discuss fitness too much, but he was quite concerned about gaining weight, said he was fat which made me quite self conscious seeing as he was skinny--skinnier than me and weighed less than me, but he never commented about my body negatively..and he actually used to comment whenever i read fashion magazines about how he hates them because they made girls feel bad about their bodies when they shouldn't.
but no, fitness isn't necessarily a huge thing i care about in a relationship, but looks do play a big part in me liking someone to be honest-- but if i got to know someone of cource, i think i could begin liking them based on personality alone even if they were not interested in fitness or anything.
That's pathetic. My ex wasn't a good looking girl, but that was looks alone. I loved her for who she was, not what she had/didn't have.
if you dont stay fit then in your relationship it shouldnt be a problem if that person really loves you,just longs as you dont get too heavy or big
yeah my ex boyfriend would always say "that's not good to eat..it could make you gain weight" we were together for a year and that entire time I was so unhappy with how I looked and felt. I would watch every morsel that went into my mouth and never felt pretty enough. that's not right. my present boyfriend has said to me "i will love you no matter what you look like" after I've said to him my fears of gaining weight and my unhappiness with my looks. he said "even if you gained 80 lbs. i would still love you for you-- not how you looked" i wish all guys were like that. they are hard to find and i know i will love this one forever.
I'd probably tell him he's an ass and I definitely would not date him. That aside, being unhealthy does affect your relationship because it limits what you can and cannot do.
That aside, my boyfriend has half-jokingly told me before that he would not date me if I were as fat as a heifer. Luckily, I am only chubby and chubby according to him is okay.
My boyfriend gets mad at me any time I mention that I'm fat or gaining weight. I've gained 10 pounds since we first got together. I used to be really fit but have gotten slightly softer since. He always tells me I'm beautiful and that I could gain another 10lbs and look great. But we both try to eat well and exercise. I think being fit is important in a relationship and I wouldn't want to be with someone who was a slob in the health dept, but it is something the two of you have to work on together, if it comes to that. So, I would never date someone who didn't work out, but if he slacks off a bit after we get together, I wouldn't leave him. Not unless it starts to affect our relationship because he can't do anything with me or can't keep up or just no longer wants to. It is all about being able to experience life together at the same pace.
i'm prolly in the minority but i sort of feel the same. physical attraction is important to me in a relationship.
i'm not going to get into it more here, i guess i would have to say A LOT about it to express myself clearly.
fitness is definitely a priority to me because it shows that if a person cares enough about their body to be healthy (healthy to prevent disease, not necessarily for looks) then they not only care about themselves, but they care about you too (because they'll be around long enough to help provide for you in the future as well).
adding on a few 10 lbs or so isn't a big deal i'd say, as long as its not within a super short amount of time and as long as you're within your targeted BMI. but becoming overweight -> obese could be a definite health risk too.
obesity brings comorbidities as well, such as increased risk
of diabetes, hypertension, stroke, sleep apnea, etc etc... if you or your future partner develop or are affected by any of these, your relationship and lifestyle will definitely be affected by caring for yourself or caring for your partner.
what if we substituted the above example with "smoking" instead of weight? for me, i would definitely say that i wouldn't date a smoker. smokers have a high risk for cancer, lung disease, stroke, heart attack, early death, etc... they not only put their lives at risk, but if something did happen to them, that would negatively impact the significant other as well. their choice carries not only a negative health consequence (like a stroke) but also potentially brings physical/spiritual/financial burdens along with it.
I can understand this point of view. Weight may hint at some underlying issues or baggage that have not been dealt with. I don't know if I'd want to get involved with that.
Plus, I wouldn't want to outlive my partner because they died of some preventable weight-related illness.
Being healthy isn't the same as being fit and muscly.