This is a guest blog submitted by shieldmaiden4x@xanga Doesn't it freak you out when you stumble on the Xanga’s of girls who are obsessed with losing weight? It's log after log of how they hate themselves and how they need to be skinny. How no one likes them the way they are and how life would be, oh, so much better if only they weighed 40 lbs. Seriously?
What scares me even more is seeing the comments. "You go, girl! You rock! Keep on fasting! Starve on! Think thin!" and on. It scares the hell out of me. They were being so supportive but at the same time, they were supporting her to "starve on." If everyone encouraged you to stop starving yourself and see how beautiful you really are, then it would be a different story. Do you want to be a skeleton, which will terrify everyone who sees you? Do you want to have your periods messed up? Do you want to lose your hair and feel weak all the time?
No, of course not. You just want to be loved and accepted. Or maybe your boyfriend told you that you were "fat" and wounded you and in your mentality, you think that to be loved and accepted means you have to CHANGE. Change to fit this twisted idea of beauty. Change to fit the world's perception of what beauty really is.
And seeing this breaks my heart.
I'm telling you now. They're lying to you. All those girls who are skinny and seem happy, it's not because they're skinny. It's not because they freaking starve themselves for 72 hours at a time. I am a skinny girl. I don't starve myself. I'm a happy person. It's not because I'm skinny. It's because I’m secure in myself. I know that I don't have to change to fit another’s image. I know that any person who tells me that I have to look a certain way for him to love me isn't worth it anyway. I know I'm beautiful, because God made me so. Sure, I'm only four foot eight. I have a ton of scars from clumsiness and surgery. But so what? I'm beautiful.
For the girl who rejected me because I wouldn't tell her to "starve on", what do you want me to tell you? Do you want me to sing along to the tune of all your friends who encourage you to starve on? I am not going to tell you that. I'm going to be here for you. I'm going to be your friend. But under no circumstances will I encourage you to harm yourself in this manner. I will not encourage you to throw your life away. Believe me. I do have friends who have tried to "lose weight". They'll tell you that you won't be happy even as the pounds go off. It'll always be a little more... a little more... but one day you'll find yourself asking, "Why do I still feel so empty?"
And if I'm the sole voice of dissent, then so be it.
Does it scare you how much weight some girls are willing to lose to make themselves feel better? Will you ever change yourself for someone else?
Comments (297)
An excellent entry! I feel the same way...it saddens and frightens me to see these sites(especially when they're on Top Blogs...)
Because you do not suffer from an eating disorder you will never understand what it is like. I'm have been recovered for over 20 years and I'm still tall and thin, under 120 pounds.
If you can't offer the encouragement and support that type of friend needs/wants from you, you need to stop being their friend. Even this blog you wrote will hurt MANY girls who will read it and put more fat thoughts in their head etc.
My best advise to you is not to look or say anything if you don't like it. Until you have had to deal with whatever demons these girls must battle everyday, please don't comment or blog about it.
Great post.
I don't know how people put up with that behaviour, at this day in age, and with the things we know about eating disorders. I don't know how that still flies with anyone.
having had (have) an eating disorder of my own, I had to wait until I shed blood, my teeth to rot, my hair to fall out, and to get osteoperosis to get the picture that "hey, this isnt worth it...its a quick fix, but im killing myself". As stupid as it sounds, I still have the urge to purge, but dont. The Author knows what she is talking about, but from an inside perspetive, its all about control.
like she said, the control that others would admire or cheer you on, even if they dont know how your loosing the weight
You start to see things that other people eat and how much, and might feel digusted, but why do you purge?
the fact that you have something consistant in your life that you have control over, when really, its all an illusion. The desiese has a control over you.
Now I face some pretty harsh realities... after 3 root canals, weak bones...and...well, I may not ever be able to have kids.
To answer the question, yes, it is very scary. But maybee not so obvious to the girl starving herself. Its terrifying in reality. Im only lucky enough to say I walked away with my life.
yes, the "thinspiration" websites sadden me greatly.
eating disorders are all about control. most of those girls attempting to achieve happiness via starvation feel so helpless for various reasons that the control they exert over their bodies makes them feel empowered.
and to me, there is not much sadder then that. empowerment through slowly killing yourself. i don't think xanga should allow thinspiration blogs; it's not about free speech, it's about discouraging mentally ill people from starving themselves.
Yeah, it's a total bummer and you're probably going to get a ton of crap from the pro-ana crowd over this post. They make me very sad because wasting away is a pathetic goal in life. Being skinny does not equal happiness. My heart breaks for these people because I know they're experiencing an illness. They're in the grip of something bad. It's a shame they won't or can't listen to well-intentioned people who comment on their posts.
This is an excellent post. I wish girls would realize everything you said is true.
Looking at those girls does scare me. Their supporters scared me just as much.
I know I would never do that for anyone. If a guy told me to lose weight, I'd say "F**k you" and move on.
i used to try to change myself when my ex-boyfriend would make discouraging comments about me. then i realized he's an asshole and he'll never change, because he admits guys always want something else even if what's in front of him is perfect. and while he's the one criticizing me for my body, i realize i can be satisfied with myself and with others.
he's the one to be so misfortunate because he'll never be able to truly love someone else, because he will never be satisfied with what he has.
It is scary.
No matter what any of us says about these girls and their eating disorders.. It isn't going to change anything. They aren't going to have sudden revelations that what they're doing is unhealthy.
It isn't going to change anything.
@wolvenchic@xanga - dang girl u been through alot
I love the person who submitted this entry.
@TakingxOverxMe@xanga - true
I'm never sure whether to roll my eyes and brush it off when I see sites like that or have genuine concern. I feel like they're just wanting attention and that it's just a phase.
I have read a lot about eating disorders and I have read several blogs about it. It's sad and scary and honestly they do not know what's going on or what'd they're doing to themselves. Even if you urge and support them to be healthy about it nothing will ever make sense to them until THEY figure out for themselves what's going on, like in the case of wolvenchic (the above commenter). People say that these eating issues are not real disorders but if they weren't, you wouldn't be seeing such terrible issues like frail bones and hair and teeth falling out and hospitalization. It's very very sad. I wish they all knew how very beautiful each and every one of them actually are!
It does scare me, because I have been in that position. I fight off those thoughts and all every day. Sometimes coming across those pages makes me think, "If only I had that self-control..." Most of the time I just walk away, but I know I have been guilty of encouragement (I don't quite say "Starve On", but I have been guilty of saying, "Way to go") And you will get kicked out for trying to bring a voice of reason, but maybe if we all can bring a voice of reason (in a loving manner) then maybe someone could be encouraged to get help.
yes it does scare me. it's not only you that get freaked out by it. I sometimes feel like it's a fad where some of them are jumping on the bandwagon because they get support from the other girls to "starve on". It's one thing if they have a genuine eating disorder but it's another if it's just a phase because this "phase" is killing them.
I'm so far over my eating disorders that I can understand where you are coming from. I sometimes am scared for these girls, too. But I've been there and done that, and I need to tell you that you are WAY far off in how they think.
They know they are sick. Don't you get that? They know it's a bad idea. But that doesn't mean they can stop. Many of them want to, but you can't stop until you hit that goal.
No matter how many people fall for me, tell my I'm beautiful or smart of whatever they can say, inside, I am still that girl who thinks "If I were skinny, everyone would love me".
It's a different kind of love, ok? I don't know how I could make you get it. No matter how scary these girls are, nothing YOU can say or do will fix it, they just need to realize that it's impossible to reach their goals. But they will still always want them, I know I do.
Kudos to you!!!!
@sam - Some of them do it for attention & to me that is even sicker than the actual eating disorder!
@brownpixie@xanga - The kind of support those girls who urge you to keep starving yourself isn't the kind of support you need. It's the kind that you want because they're supporting the idea that you think you're fat and they're encouraging you to drop weight. What they need is friends who will tell them that they should love themselves for who they are, and not care about how others perceive them.
This entry is telling those girls that they are fine the way they are and they don't need to lose weight to the point where it's unhealthy. Who thinks skeletons are beautiful?
I think it's a great post.
Anorexia is a devastating disorder. Those who support and feed it, are just fucked up in the head. It's the same as egging on a pyromaniac to burn things.
I am not 'pro-ana' or 'mia' and no way support people who are, eating disorders are mental illnesses and so xangas of pro-anas etc irritate me no end.
I have infact suffered from anorexia for much of my life, and my xanga reflects that. Sometimes I need people to bring me out of it, so yes in that way I don't think people should tell me to 'starve on' or whatever, but at the same time I am finding a lot of comfort in the fact that there are people who UNDERSTAND and that I am no longer without support. And from my experience there are actually many many people on xanga that tell me the truth, they tell me when I seem to be relapsing etc and so in my experience its not as bad as you are making out.
I don't think I will be happy when I am thin, there is more to eating disorders than just weight, and to be honest you will never understand fully unless you have had an eating disorder yourself.
@brownpixie@xanga - You know what? Having a disorder doesn't grant you special rights. I should know, I have plenty of my own. But expecting people to pander to you, when your disorder is an EATING disorder, is stupid. Supporting her out-of-control decision to starve herself -- which is an unhealthy act, tantamount to suicide -- is the same as assisted suicide. It's a disorder and should be TREATED, not fed, not encouraged. Would you tell someone to just jump off a roof, or would you try to help them come down safely, so they can live their life?
I applaud this post because quite frankly, the sites that support anorexia as a LIFE CHOICE are harmful, misguided, and on the same level as most cults. In all scenarios, they support the ideas of self-harm, and physical destruction, in the name of something grandiose and illusionary.
I've studied disorders, and quite frankly, this guy is right. And you're insane.
@Delphiki@xanga - Oh sure, it's a great post, but for someone who suffers from an eating disorder-they will not see it that way. And many of these are (as myself in the past) view the 'skelaton' look as beautiful/sexy. I've dated plenty of guys after I gained weight from 88 pounds to over 110 tell me I looked way better being thin. It's all how you perceive yourself. Now that I'm older and I have done damage to my body, I view eating disorders in a totally different light, but I totally understand what the girls feel and go through.
@brownpixie@xanga - I see. I thought that the negative connotation that comes with skeletons would make the girls feel that being so skinny would be seen as a bad thing by everyone else. I didn't realize it was perceived as beautiful.