This is a guest blog submitted by shieldmaiden4x@xanga Doesn't it freak you out when you stumble on the Xanga’s of girls who are obsessed with losing weight? It's log after log of how they hate themselves and how they need to be skinny. How no one likes them the way they are and how life would be, oh, so much better if only they weighed 40 lbs. Seriously?
What scares me even more is seeing the comments. "You go, girl! You rock! Keep on fasting! Starve on! Think thin!" and on. It scares the hell out of me. They were being so supportive but at the same time, they were supporting her to "starve on." If everyone encouraged you to stop starving yourself and see how beautiful you really are, then it would be a different story. Do you want to be a skeleton, which will terrify everyone who sees you? Do you want to have your periods messed up? Do you want to lose your hair and feel weak all the time?
No, of course not. You just want to be loved and accepted. Or maybe your boyfriend told you that you were "fat" and wounded you and in your mentality, you think that to be loved and accepted means you have to CHANGE. Change to fit this twisted idea of beauty. Change to fit the world's perception of what beauty really is.
And seeing this breaks my heart.
I'm telling you now. They're lying to you. All those girls who are skinny and seem happy, it's not because they're skinny. It's not because they freaking starve themselves for 72 hours at a time. I am a skinny girl. I don't starve myself. I'm a happy person. It's not because I'm skinny. It's because I’m secure in myself. I know that I don't have to change to fit another’s image. I know that any person who tells me that I have to look a certain way for him to love me isn't worth it anyway. I know I'm beautiful, because God made me so. Sure, I'm only four foot eight. I have a ton of scars from clumsiness and surgery. But so what? I'm beautiful.
For the girl who rejected me because I wouldn't tell her to "starve on", what do you want me to tell you? Do you want me to sing along to the tune of all your friends who encourage you to starve on? I am not going to tell you that. I'm going to be here for you. I'm going to be your friend. But under no circumstances will I encourage you to harm yourself in this manner. I will not encourage you to throw your life away. Believe me. I do have friends who have tried to "lose weight". They'll tell you that you won't be happy even as the pounds go off. It'll always be a little more... a little more... but one day you'll find yourself asking, "Why do I still feel so empty?"
And if I'm the sole voice of dissent, then so be it.
Does it scare you how much weight some girls are willing to lose to make themselves feel better? Will you ever change yourself for someone else?
Comments (297)
I agree whole heartedly that encouraging someone to starve themselves and a completely unhealthy manner, is not right in any way. Having suffered from Bulimia for a good portion of my younger life, however, I am guilty of just that. But it's not always because of society telling us we need to be something. It's a disease, it really is. Is everyone who has a weightloss xanga, or who "fasts" suffering from this disease? Not at all. It's like a fad to some people, really... but you can't classify everyone under one catigory. I recall having negative thoughts about my weight since about the age of three... So was that anything to do with the world liking me better, or a boyfriend finding me more attractive? Not at all. No one encouraged "being skinny" to me or around me when I was younger... it was all a personal perspective of what I wanted to look like.
I think you have a good idea regarding this blog, but I don't think you truly understand the whole picture. Which, I definately don't expect anyone who hasn't suffered from eating disorders to understand. But also, the fact that you are naturally skinny... that makes it a lot harder for you to tap into the selfconsciousness of someone who has been severely overweight their entire lives (Not talking about myself, as I've been overweight and had distorted viewpoints regarding it, but I've never suffered from obesity...)
I think for someone who was substantially overweight to write a blog similar to this one..... now THAT would be an inspiration.
@sam - I agree that a lot of girls DO do it for attention. But I think a lot of girls are seriously suffering from a disease, and simple because there are those attention seekers out there, doens't mean the true sufferers should be over looked & not taken seriously.
thank you i thought i was the only one!!!
<li class="itemsubmitter">I've struggled a tiny bit with anorexia, but not enough to be diagnosed with anything, but I still got a taste of how people who really struggle with it feel. No one can understand until they've been there. I don't support anorexia, or any type of eating disorder, but I realize that honestly, they just can't stop, even though they know they're sick.
superb entry! =)
it really is sad and scary... but then again, it's a disorder. these girls are sick, they're struggling with a health problem.
Ugh. It IS scary to run across those blogs, and if you poke around long enough on Xanga you are guaranteed to run across them. This may seem like an odd reaction, but it actually makes me a little bit angry to see those girls obsessing about it and egging each other on on Xanga. It's totally not right. Maybe they have a right to do it and nothing I could say can change it. Of course they have the right. But still, still. Nothing I say would probably help and they probably won't get better until they want to help themselves. Provided they don't die first. I wish them the best.
Like you, the writer, I'm a lean girl, happy with myself (even when I used to weigh a bit more), and I wouldn't dream of starving myself. (Besides, I'd be a total outcast. If I go too long without enough nourishment I turn into a monster, as if I were PMSing times eight.) Clearly, I would never understand. Perhaps I never will. I hope to learn more about this disorder, though, so in the future I will be able to do whatever I can, if there is anything to do. *sigh* Good luck to them. If only they knew at the deepest level that they were beautiful to begin with without starving themselves. If only they truly believed that any guy who prefers an unhealthy, emaciated state in a girl is not worth their time. Leave toxic guys like that alone.
you may be afraid of those girls that do this to themselves, but they are scared of things that you can handle. every day they sit at a table being watched and forced to eat when it hurts to even look at food. You can't imagine what it's like until your there, you can't even imagine.
I absolutely agree with you but I used to be like that and I realized I'm only hurting myself and doing good for no one.
@makesenseofme@xanga - Again, i can't understand why xanga put this title. it's not "of" for goodness sake. I'm not scared OF them.... i hope you can understand that.
I've never come across anyone like that on here...
I guess I'm not looking hard enough.
=[
Great post! However, I think we must differentiate between those of us with real eating disorders and girls who are "pro-ana". I have suffered from disordered eating for many years. There is a huge difference between what I am dealing with and these girls who think it's some kind of club that you join. I can barely type the term pro-ana without wanting to smack someone! I mean, who would join a pro-cancer group?? This isn't a contest, a fasting girl party or whatever it is these girls believe. It is a daily, lifelong struggle against the demons of my mind who tell me constantly that I am not thin/good enough. You can visit my site, and you will see many pics of thin girls, and hear many different/conflicting posts I have written. Some days I am in a recovery frame of mind, and then other days are just filled with eating disordered thinking. The posts at times may even seem to be written by two different people. This is the truth about this disease, the feeling of being torn between the sane voice of reason, and the voice of ED. The sad part is....both voices are real to me....both voices ARE me. The real frustration with the pro-ana "movement" is that most of these girls start out getting involved by choice, but eating disorders are cruel, and at some point it may no longer be a choice, but turn into this real, every day, life altering disease that is devastating to all involved.
Skinny does not equal happy.
I'm naturally skinny. I've been small my entire life [I've never been over 100 lbs], and it hasn't made me a happier person. It's scary that some believe that they need to be a size -3 to be beautiful- healthy is what's beautiful.
I wonder, would there be less cases of eating disorders in the world (especially in America) if the media (tv shows like "america's next top model" and even make-up or skin-care product ads) didn't promote a STICK-FIGURE THIN body? If instead, an average, healthy looking image was promoted... what would be the goals of people with eating disorders then? would they still "think thin" and desire that "skeleton look?"
"Thin" is a substitute word. We are starving for different purposes. The girls who have been on here longer know why they starve. The ones who obsess over "nicole richie" and "paris hilton" are the girls who don't yet know. "Thin" is not what we are achieving. It's the label we give it. The effects of starving make life more bearable for many people. Losing weight is usually just the tool we use to feel better about whatever we are trying to escape from in our lives.
And yes, it is quite fucked up that we support each other. We are all trying to help each other be happy really.
I watch a lot of new girls on here, most have no idea what they are getting into. It is scary to watch them, but it's just how they are coping with something.
"Our only means of self preservation is self destruction. You really have to have a significant level of self hatred to rationally convince yourself that starving yourself is the way to achieve thinness."
We are not changing ourselves for other people, we're changing ourselves for ourself. Because fucked up things have happened to us.
I thought you could open up to an out-of-the-box opinion.
x Peach
I totally disagree with the second response. I started starving myself in middle school because I thought my naturally muscular body was a huge mass of fat. I wish I had had friends like this girl that would have cared enough to hound me about that. Eventually my low self esteem turned into more dangerous things such as suicide and I am glad my parents were active in my life because when I mentioned it to my friends they acted like this whole life style was normal. I don't think you have to go through something to see how it is mentally damaging. We're all girls I think we all have been a state where we wanted to be loved and accepted and seen as beautiful in the eyes of this world, its just that some of us go a dangerous route and I think God has us go through it all so that when we come out of it, we can help someone else. It took me too long to realize my worth in God's eyes and not this world. The world's opinion will kill you. Good post girl. I'm with you.
but if you were fat, you wouldnt be happy.
way to be an asshole.
Most of the people on here aren't pro "ana". It isn't right to judge. :(
how about:
dont be an ignorant cunt.
try and help someone??
to be honest, i can see why people don't like posers who say starve on etc etc, but there is definately more to it than that.for me personally, it is not about encouraging other people to starve themselves its just supportive to know that you are not the only person struggling and it's nice to have somewhere where you can write down your thoughts and emotions without everybody you know reading it. if you don't like the posts about losing weight in that particular way, just don't read them.
We don't choose to be this way.
It starts off by just dieting, then fasting, then you can't stop.
We can't help it.
You have no idea what you're talking about.
You haven't experienced anything like this.
if only it were that simple... if only this wasn't some twisted disease that we have the misfortune of having... if only i didn't want to be skinny... believe me, i don't want to be sick, i really don't.. but i can't help this desire to be smaller.. it's not even about being skinny... i can't even begin to explain this... so please, stop questioning it.. if your so concerned you'll try to help us not sit back and judge... i wish you knew what it was like.. if you can help me.. make me better... get rid of this horrible disease.. i would be more than willing to sit and read whatever you have to say... picking apart our only form of support is not helpful!