Guest blog by CashewIn the past I've failed in trying and caring enough about the way I eat, act, feel, look, or am.
I thought no matter how much I tried I'd always be an ugly, fat girl. This year has brought a lot of changes for me.
It's boiled down to the fact that I believe I'm worth caring about. I don't mean it in some sappy way, and I'm not sharing it for sappy reasons, I'm just trying to explain why I'm here and why I'm doing this.
I've had a previous site, where I'd post about how little I ate, and waited to see how long I could go without eating.
I'd get lots of comments about how great I was doing. If I ate too much I'd make myself throw up. There were people who encouraged it.
Anybody who reads this and has been thinking about losing weight that way, don't! It's not worth it, and I weighed more after I got into that. I also started to hate how I looked.
I don't want to have issues with food. I don't want to think about what I should or shouldn't eat or when I should stop eating. I know it's not normal. Or maybe now it is since overeating is a national epidemic. I guess I shouldn't feel so alone. Whatever.
Just because everybody is getting fat doesn't mean it's okay for me to be fat. I had joined weight watchers for a little bit but it wasn't really helping me.
So, I figured using Healthkicker to document everything might not be such a bad idea. Besides it's free, and weight watchers was not.
I have a few weight loss goals this time.
* I'd like to be at a healthy weight for my height and body type. That'd be between 115 and 130 lbs. I have ways to go.
* I don't want to be skinny, I want to be healthy, and so I'm not worried by numbers as much as I am about how I feel. (Does this cancel the first goal? I don't think so. I think that first one gives me something to reach for.)
* I want to compete in the Thanksgiving race next year. It's about a 5 1/2 mile race around here. It's pretty cool. I'd be pretty proud of myself if I was able to do it. I don't think I could run a minute right now without getting out of breath but I feel like if I start working towards it now, I might be able to do this.
If you have any tips about exercising or getting a running program started, I’m all ears.
So now you know why I'm here and what I want from this.
Why are you here? Have you had trouble with your self-image? How did you get past it?
Comments (7)
eight years of therapy.
i do have trouble looking at myself naked in a mirror and I just want to be a healthy weight and I am not. I have a few pounds to shed... more or less like 20... and its hard for me.
Ooh I love jogging outside. Check out this link: http://www.coolrunning.com/engine/2/2_3/181.shtml for a good program called "Couch-to-5k". I've used it and it's great because it develops your bone strength and your endurance so that you don't injure yourself when starting to run.
As for exercising tips - have goals, but be flexible about them as well. I was all about "I need to weigh 100 lbs!" because that's what I used to weigh. But when I started exercising a lot and toning up my muscles, I realized that I weighed more but was thinner than before, because muscle weighs more than fat. So now my goal is to get down to my original dress size of 0, even if I don't end up weighing 100 lbs.
Good luck! You can do it!
That's really good you have a strong mindset on the right stuff and not wanting to be just skinny. For me, I'm really into working out to lose weight. I've been putting a lot of pressure on myself to become the 103lbs girl i once was.
But I've been stressing so much that it's hard for me not to eat and to run. But I'm pushing myself to run 5-6miles every night no matter what my condition is.
Bad idea but anyway, if you want to have a good workout *unlike my obsessive cardio workout* than get on your treadmill and do a slow jog for a mile or two and than pick up the pace after the 2nd mile and so on and so forth.
So you can tell i am totally conscientious of my self-image. I wish I had the same mentality as you. Anyway good luck to ya! :)
@abcxunt@xanga - I probably need it, but I had several bad experiences with therapists I finally said fuck it, and stopped going.
@TediousChatter@xanga - I try not to look at myself in the mirror too often right now, especially not naked. It's not very pretty. I'm just hoping in a couple months I'll suddenly see myself and be surprised by how much better I look.
@Nicola_Six@xanga - I am trying to be flexible. I keep reminding myself it's more about how my clothes are fitting then numbers on a scale.
@StylishMudd@xanga - I've been working on the treadmill, and stair climber type thing at the gym. Usually about 45 minutes total I spend, I'm working up to a good hour. I'm pretty self conscious too, I think a lot of girls are but I'm trying to remind myself not to be.
you can do it! (the race) I'd say that that's 45-65 minutes of running, depending on how fast you go. It's not bad once your endorphins kick in. :) But yes, I've always had trouble with my self-image and still do...except I do know when I eat very a very healthy diet and exercise everyday, i feel amazing about myself and everything. So i try to do that, but since the holidays..ha, yeah..
I'm here cuz I like blogging! I also joined my local gym a few months ago and am really excited that I'm already seeing results! I actually really enjoy exercising because it feels good, so even if I don't feel strong or look any different today, I have more energy and I feel awesome.
I definitely have really struggled with my self image for years. It's better now, and I like myself a lot more than I used to, but it was a hard road and I'm still not 100% confident all the time. One thing I did to get past it was look at myself, really hard, and find at least 3 things that I liked about my body. Then I focused on those things. I also realized I had to stop saying negative things about myself. When you speak negatively, you think negatively. So now I choose to say confident, self-esteem boosting things about my appearance, which increases my confidence, which makes me feel better. And now that I'm exercising more often, I'm on the road to having a (more
) fabulous body!