Ms. Cappuccino
My friends David and Daphne are the cutest couple I know, except for one thing, Daphne is kind of tough on David about his weight.
It's strange because David isn't overweight at all -- he's normal. Daphne, however, comes from a really thin family, and whenever David comes over, her parents tell her, "He's looking rather plump."
David and I were chatting, and we saw this guy walk by in skinny jeans. I mentioned how you could only pull that trend off if you're really thin. David looked a little startled.
He seemed to think I was implying he wasn't thin. I asked him if I offended him, and he said a little bit.
That wasn't my intention at all, and I apologized. I asked him if it bothered him when Daphne teased him about his weight. He said it did.
It seems that if a boy tells a girl to lose weight, we generally think he's a horrible person. I don't think that there's the same repercussion for girls, and perhaps there should be.
Do you think it's okay for a girl to tell a boy to lose weight? Is it ever okay to tell someone to lose weight (especially when that person is your significant other)?
Comments (147)
Its definitely not ok, especially if its ur S.O. We like to think that men are a lot more stable than they are sometimes, and if the woman they love is telling them they are fat, it can really hurt, just like it would hurt a woman.
wow, you know - i've never really thought too much about this before, but i definitely have friends who are in this situation. I think telling is different than suggesting, but if he's not overweight then i don't even think that suggesting is really necessary. You're individuals before you're a couple, and while you're S.O. surely plays a part in determining how you might look, it is not their place to, or even try to, dictate such a thing.
before me and my boyfriend started dating, i told him he was too chubby, and it was 100% true. hearing it out of my mouth just gave him the extra incentive he needed to start going to the gym regularly and not eat 3 portions at almost every meal.
it's not always inappropriate to tell your SO they're getting too big or help them lose weight. my boyfriend yells at me to eat a carrot instead of a cookie for a snack and it's fine.
In some situations, it may be all right to suggest that someone lose weight--but not if that person is your significant other and is already at a normal, healthy weight for his or her height!
Yes. It just depends how you say it. I don't think anyone should tell their significant other that they aren't attractive (because if you're not attracted to them, something is wrong in the first place). However, if someone gains weight in a relationship, or is unhealthy, I think that as a person that cares for them, you should mention their health.
You want your partner to be healthy and happy, and if you don't watch out for them who will? If my boyfriend told me that I had put on weight and should probably work out so that I don't put on more, because it's unhealthy to gain weight and he was concerned, I wouldn't be upset.
In their situation, since he is healthy, and she is teasing and acting in a mean way, then no it is not appropriate.
If there's teasing involved, that's inappropriate. It's all a matter of where it's coming from and why you're saying what you're saying. If it's in a delicate, caring way, because you want them to be healthy I think it's fine and probably necessary!
I think it's okay to tell someone to lose weight, if they really should for health purposes. You just need to be careful about how you say it.
Ideally, that advice should come from a doctor.
My boyfriend is thin/normal but he's not healthy. I try to reinforce that he should be healthier but i dont reprimand him. he eats a box of ho hos as a meal sometimes
It's always a little tougher breaking this news to an SO but if you love and trust your partner, you can help him become more healthier by doing little things together (when out to the movies, skip the popcorn and sodas and opt for pretzels and water instead-- stuff like that). Put aside time for exercise together (take long walks, hit the gym, etc).
@just__one__me@xanga - I completely agree that how you say it is a big deal-- be understanding and positive!
It depends. If he's 400 pounds and can barely climb a flight of stairs, I don't think it's unreasonable to suggest he try to take better care of himself.
@LadyLibellule@xanga - lmao wow i thought that was really funny...
I think it's DEFINITELY okay to tell someone they need to lose some weight.. if they are over weight! and if you actually know them.. not a complete stranger that would be awkward because you don't know if there is some medical reason behind them being overweight
People are too uptight about letting others know they are overweight
My boyfriend really tries to help me lose weight and he is such a great help and my feelings are never hurt.. because I KNOW i need to lose weight
and although i am in the 'healthy' weight range for my height my stomach is still pretty big
but when telling someone about their weight i really think you shouldn't be to harsh about it
It's never ok to mention someones weight, male or female, unless you are genuinly concered for there happiness and health above all else.
If it's just a 'you look fat, loose weight.' then they should stfu. But if it's a 'i'm concerned you're damaging your health, have you thought about eating a bit healthier?' that is ok.
Encourage, don't throw abuse if you really do care.
I don't think it's appropriate for either gender unless the person in question is unhealthy-- overweight or underweight due to bad eating habits/lifestyle.
Being obese is just as bad for you as being anorexic.
I don't think either women, nor men, should be telling their SO that they are overweight because this will make them be self-conscious about their weight and overall appearance.
I don't think it's okay for anyone to tell anybody they need to lose weight. People are self-conscious as it is.
I don't think it's ok, unless the person's SO is overweight or due to a health condition he/she needs to. Â
I think if the person is obviously overweight and facing certain health risks, it is okay to suggest that they think about losing weight, but it should be done in the kindest way possible. I don't think I could ever do it, but I think it could be acceptable in certain situations. And wouldn't it be better for your significant other to hear it from you, rather than someone who maybe wouldn't care as much about your health?
I will say that I am very grateful to my husband for never saying anything about my weight beyond, "I just want you to be around as long as possible." He never nagged me about losing weight or said I looked fat, but just hearing him say that one thing made me think about how my unhealthy choices could end up affecting more than just myself.
dude's in chick jeans... gay.
not that I'm really thin or anything..
NO! BACK OFF, B*TCH!
If anyone you love is of an unhealthy weight, I think it is appropriate to mention it appropriately. This being maybe once or twice, and in a kind manner. However, if they are just twenty pounds over what they should be, or maybe just not exercising enough, keep it to yourself. Better yet, cook them healthier meals, take walks with them, do whatever you need to do without making them feel like crap, and while getting yourself in better shape in the process.
Why is it that people are so sensitive in regards to their weight in general? So to answer the question, I do think it is ok.
This may come off badly...uh it will come off badly. *sigh*
If my SO gains x amount of weight and I began to become less attracted to her, why should I not say anything? Even if it is only 15 lbs. What if I got a tattoo on my face? That would in almost all circles make me less attractive. Should my SO be forced to keep her mouth shut because she should love me for who I am? I think not. It is a choice to gain weight in most instances.
no no no no no no no
guys are very soft (ironically)
dont tell them they're fat
If it is your significant other, you may tell him to
eat healthier or shape up or get toned
i once called this guy a 'fat ass'
it was JOKE I promise i was joking
next week when i saw him,
we got on the topic that I dont like skinny guys
and he's like "are you kidding ? I've been starving for days!"
so be careful with their feelings, they want to look good for their woman just dont hurt his ego too much
My boyfriend is a little chub muffin.
He's got a gut and I know he wants to loose the weight, and I offer to exercise with him.I'd never tell him to loose weight except if he health was at stake.And I certainly would never call him fat.Personally, I'm rather small and I like bigger men. Also, at the same time I hope I don't sound shallow, but I don't like too big. I mean the man I with is a little on the big side, but I don't go making weight jokes or anything. He more makes fun of himself, and says he wants to give some of his to me, because I'm almost too small for him. To an extent, I don't need to say a whole on the weight issue because he's been talking lately like he'd like to lose some of it, I told him to go ahead and will be supportive. So, I guess what I am saying is that it all depends on the situation.
I think telling someone about their weight, no matter how close, how in LOVE you are...is still going to hurt. Not only will that person feel ugly, but they'll also feel like their disappointing you.
I view weight as a personal thing...if your so decides they want to lose weight, then it's your place as the girlfriend/boyfriend to support them.