Guest blog by SoundofSapphire For nearly the last four years of my life, I've had massive "episodes" of disordered eating. I wasn't trying to be thin. I wasn't worried about calories. I just wanted to eat healthy.
I've had a history of anxiety and panic attacks. With practice, little tricks, and medication, I've been able to control most of my attacks.
When it first happened, I was confused, but I could not bring myself to eat anything that I considered to be "unclean."
I refused to eat anything in the house, because I was terrified of what was in it - toxins, pesticides, bacteria, chemicals, and an entire assortment of disgusting things.
I didn't know what was wrong. When my mom found out that I hadn't eaten, she took me to the grocery store at 10pm and, after extensive label reading and going over nutritional information, I agreed to eat organic food.
In the following weeks, I lost weight and fought desperately to keep my eating habits to myself.
I didn't know what was wrong with me. I was convinced I was crazy.
I was young so I accepted it as a phase. I stuck to a strictly vegetarian diet, which seemed to slightly calm my anxiety over the issue.
A few months ago, I began researching eating disorders. I knew I wasn't anorexic. I knew what I had, if anything, was something else. This is what I came across.
In 1996, Steven Bratman, M.D. coined the term
orthorexia nervosa, meaning "fixation on righteous eating."
"Victims of this disorder can lose so much weight by refusing what they believe is unclean food that it can be mistaken for anorexia. It has even led to death.”He described exactly what I was feeling, but I still feel insecure about it to this very day. Eating disorders are misunderstood to begin with.
Try throwing out and explaining a term like "orthorexia nervosa" and you just get blank stares, sometimes laughter from others.
It's almost impossible to explain your fear of putting certain foods in your body, but I swear to God that feeling is there.
Is orthorexia nervosa just a myth? If it does exist, is it a matter of anxiety, OCD, both, or neither? Does it deserve the same research as other eating disorders?
Comments (49)
I have orthorexia nervosa, just like you, I've been clinically diagnosed. I'm actually really surprised anyone else suffers from this; when I heard it from my doctor I was just as skeptical. It really is a matter of being obsessive compulsive, and while so many people strive to lose weight this year, I only really strive to be able to eat well without having fear.
Best of luck to you!
Though the condition isn't commonly known, it's a real and increasing problem. Thank you for sharing your testomonial with us. ^-^ Your account really reminds me of something I read in collection of personal stories called "No Body's Perfect", in which a teenaged girl suffered from simular anxieties and rituals that lead to hospitilazation. I believe she was diagnosed with OCD...this somewhat supports why I believe ortharexia is more related to OCD. (Though several anorexia and bulimia patients also suffer from OCD.) An ortharexics routine is based on rituals, and fueled by anxiety. While anorexia and bulimia is often fueled by personality type.
I'm sure if it is labeled as a medical condition, then it is for real. Good luck with it! And it does deserve research. I hope your can overcome this disorder:)
i think all eating disorders should have the same amount of research and concern. no matter what disorder it is they still affect your body and your health and should be taken care of. i hope you get better!
I've heard of this. I can almost understand what you feel like. I don't have orthorexia, but I won't eat anything with hydrogenated oil on the label, just because it's really unhealthy.
Very interesting and informative. Thanks for posting.
Learned something new reading this. Thanks :)
I think I have this. I'm the same way as you though, it's in phases, usually when I have really high anxiety I get like this.
I've actually been like this lately.
I've lost 20 pounds since November 8th or something ridiculous.
Granted I was carrying around 30 pounds of extra weight that I had gained with my boyfriend around but I don't see this stopping again any time soon.
I have to convince myself to eat.
Yesterday I ate a plate of green beans and some vegetarian enchilada casserole that I made myself.
And that was it.
I feel like a crazy person.
I believe everyone has some sort of disordered eating in one sense or another. Eating disorders are very real, but i also believe that there are a lot of other underlying problems that manifest them selves into other disorders, and when doctors can not find the underlying causes, they label them as something completely different. I wish you all the best. Take care of yourself.
I really don't think it's a myth. Otherwise I'd have to believe that every other disorder would be myth rather than reality, a scary reality but one none the less. We all have issues, some prefer to hide them and some like myself and many out there develop other disorders to aid in controlling ones that they are trying to rid themselves of. I hope that you find what you're going for. Hope that you can be happy and face your demons. love and luck
DO NOT for one second think or believe that what you have doesn't exist. We live in a world where food is worshipped and idolized to the point where obesity can lead to death. So being aware of what you are putting in your body is completely natural, it is the extent to which you take it that leads you down a strange path. If you become over obsessive about this, then that is the psychological part you need to address. The food issue, is completely normal.
In fact, more people should take into account what goes into their bodies. I salute you for sharing this, it must have been tough to write it out and I hope you find the answers you're looking for!I think it may just be an aspect of OCD. I'm sure some people would say I have orthorexia (though I've never been diagnosed with it). I do have pretty bad OCD, though. I can see that many of my hang-ups with certain foods have a basis in that disorder (as opposed to them being a disorder in and of themselves).
Hey, it sounds like a legitimate thing to me. I wish you the best of luck, I'm sure that must be such a complication in your life sometimes.
I hope that you can find solace in those who understand/believe in you, and discover a healthy balance. :)
well...
before i start with ana.. my mom took me to a doctor who said that i had orthorexia and probably i was a step before being anorexic...
so... yess!! is true!
when i had that, i wasnt even thinking in an eating disorder, i just wanted to eat healty, but the things that i ate, wasnt enough for my body, i ate like 200-400 calories by day: fruit, juices, vegan food..
until one day my body just... didnt resist and i had to run to a hospital and go to a Psychiatrist.
obviously.. they couldnt make me ate and now.. im anorexic..!
that's my beautiful history!..
:)
lauren!
i definitely validity in this type of eating disorder. over the past year i have been trying to battle it mixed with other eating disorders. i wouldn't qualify myself as just one, i would say i am EDNOS, but i understand how someone could fall into this, just as well as any other eating disorder. there should be further research into this without a doubt.
I believe that what you have is real. I go through phases where I am obsessed with morality in general. (But they are becoming less and less frequent and becoming much shorter) As a Christian, this actually goes against my religion. I just get obsessed over whether or not I'm doing the right thing with my life. I don't know what I think will happen, but there is a lot of overwhelming fear sometimes. Like, I can't go over the speed limit without feeling anxious and ashamed (it goes beyond guilt). Then I know I'm being irrational, but then I can't stop thinking about it because I think about not thinking about it. It's not nearly as bad as it used to be. From the outside, I function normally, look normal, I hang out with friends, etc. so I know I'm not crazy. I think that it's closely related to OCD. Ironically, my faith has helped me deal with it and come out on the other side. It didn't get better until I realized that there was no guarantee that things would get better. Suffering is a part of the human condition (but as an American I don't like to hear that). Anyway, it helped me cast aside alot of my anxieties, because much of my worry was worrying about the fact that I was going to continue worrying.
I also started seeing a counselor, but I don't really know how much he helped me directly. He did help me by being an outlet. I could talk to someone who tried to understand, not someone who thought they knew what was going on (parents for example...)
I should publish that as a book because it's so long.
Haha, I was thinking OCD the whole time.
Sure, I believe that orthorexia nervosa could exist too. But I don't want to start believing in too many disorders, sometimes I think people are just different and doctors overanalyze... but in this case it's probably true.
Thank you for sharing this. At times I feel like there are too many names for every possible thing that could be wrong with us. Other times, like now, I'm reminded that we give names to disorders in order to bring those with similarities together. I believe it, and like the others, I would assume it has roots with OCD. I hope you can find and discuss with others who have the same disorder how you can deal with it... together. Good luck.
I think a lot of disorders are myths. I mean, if so many people have certain issues, then wouldn't it be considered normal? For instance, so many people I know claim to be ADD or OCD. Sure, there are some people out there who may genuinely have disorders, but I feel there are way too many out there. Yes, you may be having problems eating, but a disorder? I'm not sure. I hope you can start eating better, and try to realize that it's okay to eat food that's not organic. The rest of the world is still breathing well.
I learned something new from this. It would be a good idea to speak with a doctor or therapist about this, as they can further help you deal with this. (If you haven't already..)
I think it's an extension of OCD, definitely.
I hope you find treatment and that your life gets back to normal.
I never heard of this either, but I encourage you to seek treatment to get help with this.
I've never heard of it, but it sounds just as serious as anorexia.
I definitely think it is probably closely related to OCD and anxiety. I'm sorry you suffer with it. In part there's some basis to it, because of the western diet. But on the other hand, it's so hard to find a good balance without driving yourself insane.
Thanks for this entry. I learned something new.