Healthkicker
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about self mutilation by
zisixi@xanga This whole concept is interesting to me. It's interesting that it now has a name (SI), and a common symptom (cutting). It's interesting to me because I recognize it. As an abused boy who had no control over his own world, I used to bang my head on walls in times of extreme emotion. I didn't know what I was doing, or why, I only knew that it was the only thing I could think of that would release the frustration, anger, hurt, and loss of control that I felt inside. Since then, I've seen other children do this in extreme frustration. Watching others do it, it occurs to me that perhaps it is the one way that these children can think of to somehow control their environments that otherwise seem completely out of control.I, and other adult survivors of abuse that I know, occasionally still self-harm during moments of extreme emotional duress. In my adult years, I've immersed my hand in a pot of boiling water, I've kicked cement walls. I've seen others do similar things. I can't speak for the others, but when I do these things, I don't actually "choose" to do them. I do them when everything seems out of control. I do them when I emotionally return to those feelings of helplessness I had as a child. I do them as a physical means of expressing and releasing the pain that I feel inside. And when I do these things, the endorphins that are released calm me and break the thought loops that my mind gets trapped in. It's a very immediate, real and welcome relief from the pain. I've learned other ways to reach this point of relief. Running, a long walk, dancing ("like you've never danced before"), swinging, jump-rope, hitting or kicking a ball against a wall with all your energy, these are all more productive and less harmful ways of achieving the same results.
As an adult, I've learned these (and other) means of dealing with those feelings, and I've also changed and healed so that these moments of emotional duress no longer seem to haunt me so acutely. I'm thankful for this. I wish the same for others who feel as if hurting themselves is their only means of expression.I wonder why I've shared this? I think it is because:1. I don't want people to think that this is some new thing that only younger women do, older women, boys, and men do this as well.2. I want people to know that this behavior might not be "just a dramatic bid for attention", but perhaps a symptom of other things that need to be addressed.3. I want people to know that there are alternatives behaviors and means of addressing the underlying pain.Does this change the perception, only teens are prone to hurting themselves?
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Comments (18)
no.
I hope that as more people step up to say "hey I'm not a teen and I've engaged in this!" will help. I'm an adult and I've engaged in SI.
just jump off the train, because its headed off a cliff
I'm an adult and I've engaged in SI.
no way. sometimes maybe even adults m,ore
Adults hurt themselves all the time. It's just more subtle than with teens. If self-medicating with alcohol and slowly killing yourself with cigarettes isn't a cry for help, I don't know what is.
I never thought it was just teens.
I hate that people seem to think that it's only angst-y teenage girls who SI. It's not true at all. In fact, I've only met [in real life] ONE other girls who are depressed or SI. The majority of people I know who SI/are depressed are guys. I mean, they may still be angst-y teens, but I really don't think teenage angst is the culprit here anyway.
Of course it's not just teenagers who do it; they're just the ones who're noticed more because of it. They typically harm themselves in an easily seen area, such as the arm. Adults do it less, and not in an area where others will see it so easily; or at least not in such a fashion to where they couldn't say it wasn't an accident.
The fact is that, unlike the common sterotype, self harm comes in many forms including, but not exculsive to cutting, burning, skin picking, hair pulling, intentional poisoing, intentional breaking of bones or activity which would otherwise case physical pain. As well, it is truly not a problem which caters exclusivly to one population- the poblems of self harm and accompanying mental problems are not exclusive to race, gender, or age.
Let's face it, some people do it for the attention- but most don't. That's a hell of a lot to go through for some attention. Self harm is a real, serious problem.
I am currently 18, and about 8 months cut free. =)
Yay! *hugs*
I am 18 as well and I've been clean for about a couple months now.I feel that the misconception was addressed well, and the fact that people still go through it is a result of people who are so ignorant that they can't step outside of themselves and see how much it really takes to feel like you want to hurt yourself. And then to actually go through with it.
I'm glad that you've been getting help. I'm on the track myself now.
It always makes me a bit sad when people say that young females are the ones most likely to self-injure because not only is it a difficult thing to assess because it is commonly done in private, but I would think it would make adults and males less likely to seek help because they feel like it is weird or makes it so other people ignore warning signs that someone may need help.
@pillowpixies@xanga - I think the reason people think it's only younger people rather than adults that self-injure is because adults don't have anyone looking out for them. Parents are responsible for their children and friends may be more able to open up to their friends if they are younger. But if an adult notices another adult has cuts on their arm it may be harder for them to ask about it because they are an adult and are thought to be able to take care of theirself. Who knows though.
I definitely feel like more research needs to be done regarding this phenomenon so it doesn't seem so taboo and those that really need help can get it.
@watchthe_xsky@xanga - You're right, I hadn't thought of that aspect. Teenagers have all sorts of adults watching out for them doing something "quirky", teachers, parents, and other family members. It makes sense that they get talked about more. Plus when it's an adult doing it, other adults may think it's generally not their place to ask them about it, because as you said, they're adults who're thought to be able to take care of themselves.
Like @sugarcoatedstacie@xanga - said, its not just cutting. That's another reason that SI in adults isn't noticed. It doesn't always leave a mark. I've only recently recognized that what I do is a form of SI. It's not a conscious decision in the way that cutting is, but it is SI nonetheless. When I feel like everything is spinning out of control, that there is nothing I can do or say to change the situation that I am in, that if I don't do something I'm going to punch my SO (since it's usually him I'm upset with), I punch a wall, I pull my hair, and mostly I automatically bite my knuckle. For some reason that sharp pain, and the calm that comes after grounds me. Even if it's just temporary.
It's sad that it's taken me this long to realize it for what it is, and the only reason is because I've seen how my three year old hits himself in the head when he gets upset. It made me remember when I did that as a small child and I revisited the emotions that made me do it. I'm taking time now, to help him realize that he doesn't have to do that, that there are other ways for him to express his feelings of anger or helplessness. Hopefully, learning a healthy outlet now, will deter him from following a potentially harmful path in the future.
I am 15, female, and abouta couple months cut-free.
I used to cut my wrists alot, first time because i wanted to know how it felt. The other times was when i felt upset and/or angered, and it was like I couldnt think of what else to do to relieve myself of (emotional) pain.
I havn't cut myself in a while now, because life has been great.
But you never know, because right now reading this i have a sudden urge to do it again for no reason, but i wont.
Everyone is concerned about teens because they're the "future". There are also many adult programs (at least where I'm from) and youth programs are lacking so that may be another reason why there is a lot of focus on teens. Also it's sometimes over looked because teens are full of hormones so awareness that it can be an issue unrelated to hormones is important. I am seen as an adult now (turning 20 in May) and I'm pretty sure SI will be something I do occasionally but something I haven't done in almost 3 months. I'll never assume that SI is only for teens, only for girls. Maybe this show us that we should start focusing our awarness in another place.
teens do it more often. by the time your 30, most people have grown out of the cutting stage. most teens just do it for attention anyways... especially when they take pics of their scars
Hmm. I don't know, but I think it helps.
I like this:
I've learned other ways to reach this
point of relief. Running, a long walk, dancing ("like you've never
danced before"), swinging, jump-rope, hitting or kicking a ball against
a wall with all your energy, these are all more productive and less
harmful ways of achieving the same results.
Because it's the point I try to encourage people to get to, and the point I think I'm at.