I have lived with an alcoholic for my entire life, and for as long as I can remember this person has been an active alcoholic. This person is my dad. I also have at least one other family member who is an alcoholic, my grandmother. I also know at least two friends who have alcoholic parents as well.
Having an alcoholic parent completely sucks. My dad drank before he went to my sister's 5th grade talent show, didn't even attend my 5th grade graduation, was completely drunk when I had some classmates over in the 8th grade to work on a school project, has been drunk on nearly every single family vacation, only attended one of my school musical concerts, and only tells me that he loves me when he's drunk. You see, I don't have an actual dad. He is kinda just a drunk man who lives in my house and yells.
For quite sometime I thought that I still cried when my parents fought, but this isn't the case at all. I cry when my dad gets drunk and yells untrue things at my mother. I honestly don't know why my mother is still with this man, because I know he makes her unhappy. I think she just is just afraid to leave.
When I was younger, the things that went on in my house were a lot worse than they are now. At least several times a week my dad would scream and slam doors, and occasionally even throw things. It often got so bad the my mom, my sister, and I would have to leave the house for a couple of hours until my mom thought it was "safe" for us to come home. Other times, my dad would just leave. Yes, he often drove completely drunk. Sometimes he would come home in the middle of the night, and other times he would just sleep in his truck somewhere and go straight to work the next morning.
Speaking of driving drunk, my dad did that alone and with the rest of the family in the car. I honestly, do not understand how my mom let this take place. We would also go on the boat with him drunk too, another thing which I did not understand.
I have to admit, that it was not until my mom started going to
Al-Anon and my sister and I started going to
Alateen that things started to get somewhat better. The door slamming decreased, as did the drunken boat outings. I guess my mom learned how to deal with the insanity in a way. I cried through my first Alateen meeting. I was so scared. At first I was forced to go to Alateen, then it became a good reason to get out of the house, and eventually there came a time where I actually looked forward to going. I haven't been to Alateen in months now because I have to work and I miss it.
Part of the reason I'm going away to college is because of my home life. I live in a very unhealthy environment, which I need to get out of for the sake of my sanity. My house is one big unhealthy relationship, and honestly, we all treat each other like crap. I really can't blame myself though, because this is how I was brought up. I was never taught how to form healthy relationships.
Have you ever lived with an alcoholic? Do you know anyone that is or has an alcoholic in their family?
Comments (43)
Wow, you would have hated having two alcoholic parents and no siblings.
This is quite a thorough (and moving, although I know that sounds corny) account. You have a lot of insight. From what you have shared here, your idea to get distance for yourself is sensible. This, combined with your increasing awareness of the impacts alcoholism has on those in the immediate family living together, gives me hope that you'll find a way through to a great life. I'm so glad I clicked through to read this.
My dad is a recovering alcoholic. It was hell growing up..
My dad is an alcoholic and won't admit it at all. My mom is dead now, lucky woman. She got away from him and my sister just recently moved out. Its just me and him. I've given up on loving him for all the cruel things he's done because of alcohol. Every thing mentioned sounds like him. I've straight up told him that he's a good for nothing fat drunk bastard... i've never felt stronger than the day i told him that. So i understand completely.
Is it unsuitable of me to remark that the guy looks a little like David Bowie? Hehe.
my dad is an alcoholic.
he isn't as extreme as yours
yes he yells and slams doors, but he doesn't not show up at places or get drunk when he has company.
me and my sisters want to get him help as soon as they turn 18 which is in october.
My whole family is a bunch of dry drunks and pill poppers. They used to be alot worse than they are now, but that all died down shortly after I was born. My sister remembers some messed up shit though.
I've never lived with alcoholics myself, but my grandfather was an alcoholic when he was still living and my future father in law is an alcoholic. It's really sad to see how it effects the children (my mom and my fiance) and their relationships with other people. My mom is terrified that one of her children will end up an alcoholic because our whole family has addictive personalities.
I can relate (though not to the extreme that you've experienced). There are degrees, I guess... but alcoholism is never pretty.
I'm really sorry for your home life... But I'm positive things will get better when you find yourself in a new environment, like college.
I've been growing up with a tobacco-addicted father and it's pretty rough. Actually, the situation is uncannily similar to yours, minus the drunk driving.
It's definitely hard.
I'm sorry you've had to deal with that. My mom is an alcoholic, and reading this reminded me a lot of the situation I'm in right now. Shes been an alcoholic for as long as I can remember. She verbally abuses me and my siblings. She yells. Slams doors. Shows up to public events piss drunk. Almost like your dad. Her liver isn't in good shape and we're assuming she'll be dead before shes 60. Shes fifty-something. Ha, I don't even know her age. She doesn't want help. It hurts to know that, and it also hurts to know we can't change her. My dad is also in denial/the enabler. I've been to plenty of counselors. I'm taking a lot of my anger out on myself. Its hard. I'm about to graduate high school this coming Saturday and I don't want her there unless shes not drunk.
Both of my parents are alcoholics...last time I talked to my dad he was going to detox though...
I have at least a hundred reasons to hate my mom, but I don't. Even though she's made me cry a lot, I've never been depressed and will always continue being a happy person.
My mom goes to work and that's almost the only time she's sober. She gets piss ass drunk quick, pops her pills for bipolar with vodka, yells, screams, cries, bilittles me, and keeps me up till at least 4am to make sure she had everything she wants and needs.
There are several incidents stuck in my head but one I remember in particular is when she asked me to get her something sweet and I know she likes cinnamon rolls. I made some. When they were done she told me they were undercooked, threw the plate in my face and smashed the dough in my hair. She doesn't remember though...
When I went to college I feel like I finally got the chance to start living and thinking about myself. When I left, I grew as a person and the numbness of living at home faded. I finally got the chance to work for my future and establish some meaning relationships. I had fun. Almost all of my time before was consumed by cooking and cleaning for my mom and making sure she didn't hurt herself..basically just waiting on her hand and foot. I'm afraid she's just not going to wake up one day and I'm afraid it's soon. When I came home from college just a few weeks ago I had to go back to all that and it's messing with my head worse then it ever did before because I've decided I'm not going to let myself become numb again.
I'm so sorry, that is terrible.
When I was younger, my mother and father were divorced but they were both extreme alcoholics. I don't want to go into details because I hate looking like I'm seeking attention, but I eventually had to go live with my grandparents when I was in 7th grade, until last year when I moved out after graduating high school. It was terrible not having a mother around to help you through high school. My grandparents did a lot for me and I really appreciate them, but it's not the same because they are from a completely different generation and don't understand anything. Anyways, really great post!
My dad knows he has a problem, but doesn't want to get help. He got his first DUI at 17 years old. That's not even old enough to drink. I still love him, even though he goes through his outbursts. I always feel like the situation could be worse.
my mother is an alcoholic. it has fucked up my life completely. i feel like i'm the person i am today because of my mother, though. i no longer live with her and refuse to put up with the bullshit of her drunken rage.
recently she told me that she never remembers ever hitting me. it hurts.
good luck. it's so hard being a child of an alcoholic, it's not fair at all. all we can do is get away from it- we can't help them.
i am choosing to never even start drinking- i would never put my children in that situation.
Thank you so much for this post. This is basically my life story, except that I haven't heard of Alateen, etc. and that my mom took my brother and left me behind with my dad's alcoholism.
my father is an alcoholic but he wont admit it. he says he just enjoys drinking. growing up we could always tell what kind of night we were in for depending on what he was drinking...wine: he'll argue and pass out...whiskey: he'll slur, stumble, fall, blame everyone for everything then pass out...one eyed jack: he'll pick a physical fight with anyone who looks at him the wrong way...beer: easy night, just agree and wat...
im an adult now (20) and i still struggle with what i grew up with. i think the problems i dealt with in my teen years and am still dealing with now are a result of this. but its up to me to change things for me now. and i have vowed that i will never let my kids grow up in an alcoholic house.
my mother died of chronic alchoholism, it is awful to live with alchoholics, i know my mom dad and step dad all are. I no longer live with any of them, but i still have problems seeing or hearing about alchoholism, i think i just associate it with emotional pain. The only advice that i can give you is to tell you that you have to realize that your parents are human, they make thier own decisions and thier own mistakes and there is nothing that you can do to stop them. Also use thier lifestyle as an example that you will never want to become, and as motivation to push yourself farthur
My mom has an alcohol bracelet on right now, but it's not just her fault. Anyway, I hardly have any healthy relationships either because of situations I've been in. I blame it on my mom's boyfriends mostly though.
I consider my dad an alcoholic, although no one except my mom and brother believes it. Which means the only person in the house who is in denial is my father.
He drinks about 5-9 beers a night and slams doors and cupboards. He passes out on the couch watching TV. He is verbally abusive to my brother. I'm not sure why my mother is still with him either. He has received only one DUI but it should have been more... he's a good father and I love him but it's extremely hard living with someone who is drunk and beligerent at night.
Thank you for sharing your story.
My dad also died of chronic alcoholism, made his kidneys and liver fail at 55. The alcoholism an multiple D.U.I'S are the reason for my parents divorce when i was 6. when i was little it was normal to go to the liquor store with my dad so he could get his brandy, beer, and box of wine... you could bet that whenever my father was home there was a drink in his hand...
But it wasn't fair, he was a very lonely person. It wasn't fair because me and my 3 brothers loved him dearly... we loved to fish and camp and he was a good grand-dad too.. I wish maybe he wasn't so lonely so that i could have him to walk me down the isle and meet my fiancé and future babys.... I loved my Dad, i still love my Dad. Try to get yours some help, because although your bitter right now.. you'll miss him one day...
my father's an alcoholic coke-head. abusive mentally and physically. but i dealt with him until last year, he moved away. since then he's been working on it, and i'm proud of him.