Sunday, 19 July 2009
-
Confessions of a Fat Girl
Ok, so I'm not the skinniest girl on the planet. I get that. In December I made a goal to lose weight because I felt I would be happier that way. I weighed 225 at the beginning of January (the heaviest I’ve ever weighed) In June I kind of plateaued at 205. Big accomplishment for me because I worked really hard. Last week I was in California and we ate out a lot and now I weight 212. I might just be in a slump or something but I'm starting to question why I'm doing this. I was just reading this lady at my church's blog. She weighted 250 and is down to 180-something, which is AWESOME! Which made me want to get on the floor and do 200-250 sit-ups (my usual night routine before the craziness of graduation got in the say of that) but I started thinking. Why am I doing this? Is it really going to make me happier? And why do I NEED to be thin. When I first started it was because of Scott, I truly believed that if I got skinnier he would like me (plus he was on a diet of his own and I needed to keep up because I didn’t want to be TOO much bigger than him, the size is already substantial then, it didn’t need become an even bigger gap).Now I don’t know if that is true, that if I become a stick like Miley Cyrus or Selena Gomez (I’m going for Selena cuz he thinks she's beautiful and we have the Mexican thing in common =]) he will magically he'll in love with me and it will be amazing, that is what I believed. But lately I’ve been thinking, I like myself. I like who I am and the woman I’m becoming. I don’t think imp UGLY but I don’t think I'm drop dead gorgeous either, somewhere in the middle. So my question is, do I NEED to loose weight to look Beautiful. For people to think I'm beautiful and to love me for me. I mean my friends were my friends when I was huge and their still my friends as im a little smaller, so wont they still be my friends if I stay what I'm at now?
I know they've told me that I look better now but does that mean they thought I was ugly before? Then I get comments like 'When are you due?' that make me want to go into the bathroom and throw up or never eat anything ever again (yes at 18 I have been asked if I'm pregnant...it is NOT a pleasant feeling when a woman puts their hand on your stomach and ask when am I due) Is it the fact that the world and media believe you have to be a size 2 to be beautiful? Or is it the constant reminders from my grandparents that I am fat and don’t date much and didn’t get asked to senior prom? Even though those things are true, I’m HAPPY! Shouldn’t that matter? Shouldn’t I be allowed to eat a REAL meal and not worry about what the scale will say tomorrow? Shouldn’t I be allowed to say 'SCREW YOU' to all the people who think 'fat' is ugly and 'skinny' is in??? I think so! And yet...I still wish I were a size 2 and that people thought I was beautiful. I know people that are 'big and beautiful' but I don’t want to be known as 'plus size' I want to be known as: Shelby, the first person to graduate from High School in her family, The first one to get into college, the one who is going to make it in life. I don’t want to be known as Shelby: The Fat Girl. It’s hard to admit that I'm human and wish for things and want things that are like this but I just can’t help it? Am I wrong or is this ok? Should I diet or stay the same? Can I still be 'Shelby' and be skinny? Or do I have to be fat to be me? Ever since I went on the diet I’ve gotten comments like 'Wow I don’t even recognize you! You look so different and good!' so am I not me anymore now that I’ve lost weight? What happens if I get to 160? Will no one recognize me? I don’t know I'm just rambling now. But seriously...what should I do? lol HELP!!
This is REAL and this is ME. Cant that be ENOUGH?
(Ed's Note: We left the post as is, with some spelling corrections)
-
recommend
- recs 13
-
share
-
email
- sent 0
Related Posts
Post a Comment
- Back to healthkicker's Healthkicker Site!
- Note: your comment will appear in healthkicker's local time zone: GMT -05:00 (Eastern Standard - US, Canada)
About the Author
-
- From: ShelbyJonas18@xanga
- Name: Shelby
- About Me: Just a Girl stuck in the middle and trying to figure out where i go from here.
Stats: This Week All Time Posts: 0 1 Views: 0 6181 Comments: 0 180 View all posts by ShelbyJonas18@xanga
Comments (180)
I'm kind of in the same boat as you. I am overweight, but I feel so much pressure on being skinny, but I'm happy. I am in a great relationship, have a great family, and overall have a great life. Yet, when I go to the mall, there's so many pretty dresses and pants I wish I could wear. I'm trying to lose weight by knowing that I'm making myself healthier. I know that if I'm healthier, I'll be even happier.
"I don’t think imp UGLY but I don’t think I'm drop dead gorgeous either,"
imp ugly or I'm ugly? there's tons of errors...
if a guy doesn't like you because you're fat, then he's not going to like you when you're thin. unless you personality/confidence level changes when you lose weight, he's not going to be attracted to you. and if losing all that weight turns him on, then do you really want to be with someone like that? getting in shape can make a person hotter, but if you have to lose 80 lbs for him to notice you, then you're wasting time. it's dif if you lose like 20 lbs - the exercise and eating right could give you a "healthy glow", but if you want to be a size 2, then lose the weight.
No, you don't need to be a size 2 to be beautiful. You are really pretty as is. Instead of focusing on losing weight, maybe just focus on being healthy. That's my plan. It makes me feel really great. Fat does not equal ugly. Ugly equals ugly. Skinny doesn't equal pretty, either. I just have to remind myself that sometimes.
What you look like doesn't define who you are. You'll still be the Shelby you want to be whether you're 205 or 105. That might sound hypocritical since I'm trying to lose weight as well, but the more I think about it, the more it's true. I keep telling myself that I'll finally be happy once I lose 15 lbs, but why is that the case? What makes skinny people happier than not-so-skinny people? Not much, really. Regardless, though, I can't break myself away from that mentality - probably because I'm really insecure about my appearance, but you seem to be doing a lot better than I am, and I'm happy for you! So excuse this overused/cliche statement but just stay true to who you are, and you'll be okay. Good luck!
Midori
okay.. it's amazing that you're happy, and content with how you are. but are you settling for less? are you ducking out of a journey that requires hard work? if you aren't then that's fine, but you should at least be active. if you are happy with you now and you aren't working out then there's a health issue behind this.
other than that you are pretty but don't settle for less than your best.
As long as you're happy with the way you look at your current weight and size, you don't need to change.
(there are some exceptions though like health issues...)
First of all, if you feel that you need to lose weight to impress a man - or anyone else - that's NOT the right reason to go on a diet.
Your goal should not be to become thinner and "more beautiful," because you already are beautiful. Instead, your goal should be a fitter, healthier, happier self. Don't starve yourself. Just replace the bad things you eat, with better things. Exercise every once in a while. Treat your body with the respect it deserves, but never deny it of nourishment.
That's advice that goes from everyone, from a size 2 to a size 20.
When you are happy with you, the weight will come off easier, because you'll be thinking about health and taking care of yourself. Screw what the world thinks beautiful is. I'm fat and I still date a lot, and I don't date fat men, so guys aren't always concerned with size. However I have found a guy I'm kind of interested in. He is fine with me how I am. I'm cool with me. I'm cute, I'm fun to be around, but I'm gonna die of a heart attack at a young age if I don't do something about it. Nobody is exempt from illnesses and death if their diet isn't healthy (and that includes size 0 girls who scarf greasy cheeseburgers but because of some freakish metabolism, manage to stay a size 0) My grandma weighs less than 100 pounds and still had to have her arteries cleaned out because of a bad diet and smoking.
I get the feeling you're young, so you don't really feel the health problems yet. But being overweight can cause plenty of problems as you get older, including infertility. And just 30 pounds or so could dramatically improve your health.
You're beautiful as is. So don't focus on that or let it be your motivation. Do it so that when you find that amazing man, you can have beautiful kids and live an amazing life as a healthy person.
And good luck. Because gaining is SO much easier than losing. I'm 26 and I've been fat my whole life. If I'm not working on it 24 hours a day, I will lose the progress I've made. It's tough. But worth it.
If that picture is you your weight doesn't matter. You're beautiful. And I mean that. If it's a tummy that's the issue, do sit ups. And remember, muscle weighs more than fat. Don't judge by the scale, judge by how your clothes fit.
If you're happy with how you look, then who cares what others think. No one thinks I'm pretty, but lately I've learned that I think I'm pretty.
It take a lot of courage to write a blog like this. You are beautiful. I've written ad nauseum on this subject:
http://opheliasbones.xanga.com/701954759/the-weight/
http://opheliasbones.xanga.com/703907377/my-body/
These are recent blogs I've recent about accepting that I'll never be stick thin, althugh I'm sure you'll never read them. But, kudos to you for writing this!
losing wieght won't change who you are.. though it may give you a confidence boost, and apparently those are needed in life. I never understood that, partially because i am a tad portly. I know i have some self-concious issues.. but you're very pretty =), as long as you feel good about your self, and you are active, you don't NEED to change.
but good luck =)
I'm overweight and i can totally relate to your post
I don't think you should lose weight for anyone it should be only for health and if you really wish all those clothes in the malls which are always small sizeBut doing it for someones love or approval is so not neededAs long as you're happy with who you are, you don't need to cover it up with society's belief of "beautiful". The man should love you for who you are. If he is so shallow based on your weight, he is not worth your time.
Being healthy is more important than being unnaturally-thin. Eat many fruits and vegetables a day along with your meals, drink water or real fruit juice instead of soft drinks or sugared drinks, and do daily exercise? Like take the stairs instead of elevator, walk or bike instead of driving to places, etc.
What you look like on the outside shouldn't define yourself! (: You will always be you no matter how much you weigh.
Btw. You have a charming smile.
Cute smile :)
No don't lose weight for a man. If you want to lose weight for yourself, do it. You don't have to be skinny. You just have to be happy. Do it for your personal health and happiness, not for anyone else!
Lose weight to be healthy.
I'm pretty sure 200 pounds on your heart isn't an easy task.
Plus, I think you're pretty.
i know exactly what you mean, but when we slim down our selves kind of push through more. idk how to say it. we have muscles, our lips and eyes take up our face. and usually when we're losing weight we're healthier, so our skins glowing and we just look better
go to www.beachbody.comfind a program that you'd likethan follow the workout plan and diet to the 'T'
don't give up, you can be a size two. just take the steps. I suggest beachbody because its so reputable, gives killer results, and I'm doing a program right now.... seriously, check it out. And best of luckxoxx
NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER try to loose weight for a boy. I was 275lbs when I got married to a, imo, very hot dude, he loves me for who I am. Now that I'm down to 259 he's happy, but he had nothing to do with the weight loss. The fact that everyone in my family suffers from acid reflux, diabeties, and heart conditions -- that's why I'm trying to loose weight. I also hated being out of breath every time I had to climb stairs or jog more then 2 steps.
Do you feel better at 212 then you did at 225? If you have more energy then maybe you should keep at the weight loss. find what bmi range is healthy for you and use that for your goal instead of "weight". If you don't notice any difference from one weight to the other then just make sure you exercise at least 3x's a week (that's healthy no matter what weight you are) and try to eat whole foods (veggis, fruit, grains, beans, ect) that's also good no matter what you weigh.
wow, you're beautiful!
don't lose weight for one boy, or for any number of boys. do it for yourself. and you don't need to be skinny to be beautiful. at the same time, i'm a big advocate of being healthy. i would say to live a healthy lifestyle, and you'll lose some weight. but don't lose weight just to be skinny either...do it to be healthy! something as fleeting as being skinny shouldn't be sought after quite so hard. you really need a better reason to lose weight. because you're right, in the end it doesn't matter what size you are.
you're really pretty. & no i'm not saying that to make you feel better. you really are gorgeous. + a guy that doesn't like you when you're fat isn't going to like you when/if you were to get skinny. he's a douche + you shouldn't want to be with him either. you should want to lose weight to get healthier for yourself - don't do it for anyone else =)
If you are happy with yourself stop paying attention to what other people think because that will just make you crazy. There are plenty of plus sized woman in the celeb industry. The only reason you should lose weight is because you are unhappy and or you are concerned for your health.
You look beautiful.(!) Don't think that you have to lose weight to be skinny or beautiful. I read somewhere that is the least effective motivator. Do this to improve your health. If you keep at this weight (it's sounding like you're apple-shaped), you'll be prone to a lot of heart-related conditions. And as you grow older, it's going to be even harder to lose the weight.
I tried losing to be skinny a million times over, but it was only once I started looking at the healthiness of weight loss that it actually worked. I've lost 40 pounds since September because I didn't want to have a heart attack like my grandmother. I didn't want to develop diabetes like my aunt. Also, I wanted to see what I was capable of. Slicing minutes off my mile time made me more proud than fitting into single-digit sized pants.
You can do this, just make sure your mind is in the right place, and don't give yourself any excuses.
Losing weight shouldn't change who you are, but it could make you more confident and feel good about yourself. I think you look gorgeous in the picture. If you decide to lose weight, it should be for YOU, not for some guy or for your friends. You should only do it if it will help you feel healthier and more confident. Size 2 is overrated. I don't think my bones could fit into a size 2. I think women who are soft, feminine and curvy are much more beautiful.
Girl, your adorable and I just love your post. Kudos!
@kimtendo@xanga - I definitely agree. Your BMI is way into the unhealthy range, but you shouldn't feel like you need to lose weight just because other people want you to - it's your body, and you can do anything you want to it. I would recommend losing weight in order to prevent obesity-related health issues, not in order to make other people happier.