Wednesday, 29 July 2009
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Is There a Healthy Way to Deal With a Tragedy?
Yesterday morning, a friend of mine was involved in a car accident. He swerved to avoid another driver and hit a transformer and as he got out to check the damage done to his car stepped on the live wire and was electrocuted. He was nineteen years old.
Today, my friends and I are trying to understand how this could have happened to someone we all knew and loved.
I've never been good at dealing with tragedy. It concerns me, the way I hold on to tragedies and I don't really deal with them. It's because I don't know a healthy way to tackle it. You can tell me I should talk to someone, but that's not something I do. I'm the "suffer in silence" type, being around people and sharing memories and laughing about the good times doesn't change facts: he's still gone, and at the end of the day he's not coming back.
I need to find a way to deal with my grief in a healthy manner, but I don't even know where to begin.
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Comments (19)
i'm sorry for your loss. grief is deeply personal, so i don't know how much advice from anyone on here would help. seek professional counsel if you can.
i am sorry for your loss. i lost my mother when i was 13(she was murdered by her husband) and it took me years to deal with it in a healthy manner, i did drugs, drank and had sex with anything that moved. then one day it was like a switch flipped, and it just didnt hurt as bad anymore. i know that it sounds lame but time really does heal all wounds... keep yourself busy, go to the gym, knit, tear the heads off of barbies if that is your thing. but keep your mind occupied and your hand busy and in time it wont hurt as bad. alway remember that there are people to talk to if you ever want to... even if it just a stranger on xanga.
Could you ever fathom 'creating as a way of healing'? When I suffer internally, I project it into my artwork...be it jewelry making, painting, sculpting, or drawing.
Last April two boys from my class died in a car accident. I didn't know what to do and i knew that one of my friends was one of the boy's best friends. I didn't go to school for the next three days and took the day off for their funerals but didn't end up going. More than anything I wished that I had helped someone through it and that someone had helped me through it. Yesterday I spent the day in the hospital after my boyfriend's aunt died of a heart attack at 41. It was so hard for his mother and grandfather since they just lost his grandma this year but he told me that the fact that i was there helped him through it as well as his mother. I felt so awful but being with someone helped and that's not usually something I do. I'm very private about my emotions but I'm realizing that having a friend close by is always helpful.
That's horrible... it's hard to lose someone. I suggest picking up a sport-like hobby (like running, boxing, karate)- and through that, get your sadness (and if you have anger) out, and if you're close to this guy's family, be with them. Try hanging out with friends. Make a scrapbook of your friend, and have each of your friends write a letter at the end. It kind of "closes" the whole thing, because now all of your thoughts are in that book. I hope you find peace even though it's probably hard. I will keep you and your friends in my prayers.
Everyone grieves differently, and that's fine.
I feel your pan. My brother died three years ago. Writing and talking help. Don't be afraid of the pain or ry to suppress, then you will bottle it in.....
At the same time that you try not to fear the pain, do not try to come up with reasons. Reasons are beyond us here in the land of the living.
Don't stay indoors too much.
I wish you well!
Everyone is uniquely different in how they grieve. Sorry to hear about your loss.
4 years ago 5 of my friends from home were coming to visit me while I was in college. Due to whiteout conditions, they swerved out of control and got T-boned by a truck. The driver and passenger weren't hurt, but 3 in the back all died. And this happened right before spring break, so I had to come back early for 3 funerals, and reschedule 2 tests. Yeah, not fun. One of them was my best friend. A lot of tears were shed alone, lot of memories flooding back.
Just how it is. Everyone's different.
Everybody deals differently.
Realize that stuff happens, people die. Take some time to mourn in your own way. Then move on, life is too short to dwell on death.
please let me know if you find out there's a healthy way to deal with tradgedy.
It really is hard to lose people you care about. Sadly, I've lost 3 family members within the last month and it really hasn't been easy. I've been handling it really just by talking to friends, letting people comfort me instead of pushing it away.
sometimes, understanding the physiology behind it helps.
What I know is that the brain can tolerate small changes....lots of them...but not BIG ones. It just can't tolerate it so we often feel in a state of 'no control'.
There is no magic remedy....well, I do believe that TIME does make it easier to cope with the BIG ones.
I am truly sorry for your loss.
You are already starting to healthily deal with it by making this post. Dr. Elizabeth Kubler-Ross, did a great study that has become the foundation for understanding and processing grief and loss. She identified 5 stages we go through: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance. We don't always move smoothly from one directly to the next, and we can bounce a round a bit, or even back and forth. But to heal completely, you wind up going through these 5 stages and processing each one. Google Kuber Ross 5 stages for more info. Fascinating study.
That's the most horrible thing I've ever heard... I'm sorry :/ If you want to grieve alone, that's cool. Cry if you need to, just don't overdo. I know from experience that TOO MUCH crying is not healthy.
I'm really sorry about your loss. :( The only healthy way to deal with tragedy is whatever way won't hurt you long-term. Avoid picking up any habits like drugs or drinking that will hurt you later.
Some people push others away and want to be left alone. I think it's fine - sometimes it helps to just to mourn and spend some time alone to sort out your thoughts. Other times though, I guess it depends on your disposition, but it can hurt you because you'll close up and withdraw completely for a really long time. For others, having others around to talk to and open up with helps a lot. If you feel better talking about it, don't be shy to lean on friends, family, a therapist, or fellow xanga members.
I'm sorry for your loss. And I agree that 1) we all grieve differently and 2) a healthy way is to talk about it and have conversations about it like you are doing now.
Keep us up-to-date on your progress.
-plexi
A healthy way to grieve is to let it all out. You don't want to hold anything in because later on you will let it out.