Over the course of a year, a good friend of mine has lost over 50 lbs. Through effort, changing her way of eating, careful attention, and exercise, she's keeping a healthier lifestyle. And when people comment that she's lost weight, she's understandably excited... proud.
There have been occasions when I've lost a good amount of weight over the course of a few months (once, I lost 40 lbs. over summer break). Just recently, I've lost 20 lbs.+ within about 2 months (though I don't exactly know when the weight loss started since I don't scale myself regularly).
The difference between my friend and I? When people notice and comment on my weight-loss, I feel a bit embarrassed... even ashamed. Yes... even when people tell me that I look good/pretty/thin. Yes... even when they give me admiring looks, or think I'm taking good care of myself. Why is that?
I have never actually "dieted." You know... like "Sorry guys, can't eat that; I'm on a diet."
I've never strictly counted calories. Once in a while if I realize I've eaten more porker-like than usual I'll stop and think "Okay, that cinnamon roll must've been a good 500 calories..."
I've never been a gym freak. I go when I have time, am bored, or have undirected angst.
Mostly I strive just to be healthy and maintain my weight.
And really... I liked my body 20 lbs. ago. I liked myself. I felt secure in me. I wasn't fat. My clothes fit me. I still got checked out... and that was probably due to my confidence and comfortableness with myself.
But... at the height of my weight-loss, when I had struck my lowest body weight to record... looking in the mirror made my cringe. Yes, my tummy was flat. Yes, I had a nice waist line. But... my ribs protruded. I had no more cheek (in the face, pervs!). My jeans hung loose. My wrists looked fragile. I felt fragile.
I felt deteriorated.
I felt like crying.
You see... the reason for that being... I never tried to lose the weight. I didn't put the effort into it like my friend. I didn't want to lose weight.
It's just that... I eat my emotions.
I love food. When I'm happy or celebratory, I like to cook and eat and be merry.
And when I'm stressed or depressed? My appetite closes up. There are days when I can't handle eating at all (like yesterday >_<).
In fact... there are times that I need to force myself to eat just to stay healthy... but I still feel like throwing up.
To me... sudden and dramatic weight-loss isn't pride. It isn't hard work. It isn't praiseworthy. It isn't beautiful.
To me... it's shame. It's vulnerability. It's a living and visible demonstration to everyone that I'm weak and fragile.
And even though it'd be nice to keep off the excess weight with a little hard work (I've gained back about 5 lbs... and I think I'm good like this)... it'd also be fantastic if people would just stop commenting on it... or accept my premise that I really don't know how or why I lost that weight.
What about you? What does losing weight mean to you? Or do you gain weight when you're stressed?
Comments (13)
When I'm stressed or angry, I tend to eat a lot and run a lot. I never gain the weight because I run and walk so much to relieve the stress.
I have that problem. I was diagnosed with an eating problem along with my bipolar, and during a time in my life when I was having a lot a family problems. In the end, they said it was a combination of bipolar and anxiety. I never over-ate... I would stop.
Either way, I dropped 60 pounds between August and December. I wasn't working out or trying either. It was all nerves and starvation. Not the healthy stuff. I'm trying to be more healthy now and trying to lose weight with diet and exercise, and it's been really tricking trying to be okay going for the jogs, when running use to be my escape from family drama. I'm trying to learn to re-associate weight loss and exercise with happiness, and not tragedy, which is how it has been most of my life.
Hm. I also lose weight without knowing when it happens or how it occurred. I don't scale myself regularly either. Just when I think about it and that doesn't happen too often. :p
I like the way I look in the mirror when I lose weight, but that's because I really am overweight in the first place. My heaviest was 283 lbs, and I'm down to 210 last time I actually scaled myself. I'm personally glad about that, but I don't need anyone to tell me I look better.
It embarrasses me, too, when people comment about how much I've lost. I don't mind them noticing, I just really don't like to be told about it. I don't really know how to respond!
Although, on another note, I think that if you look the way you do when you lost all that weight, i.e. the protruding ribs and the non-existent cheeks and things like that, that that's TOO skinny. :/ I think maybe you lost more weight than you should've and that that's why you look fragile in the mirror. Every person (and its different for every person) has a specific body weight they're supposed to have and if you go below it you get that kind of a look and you look (and probably feel...since I would!) fragile.
You have a problem with eating that a lot of people have the opposite problem of. Most people eat MORE when they are stressed or depressed. Even me! Which is probably why I gained so much weight in the first place, but I won't go into that here! :p
But you stop eating when you're stressed or depressed, you lose your appetite. At least, I'm assuming it isn't a conscious decision not to eat. :/
I think maybe you should look into finding ways to combat this? So then maybe you will be able to stay at the weight that is right for your body. Not for other people to notice, or for anything like that. Just simply to be healthy. :p
Then again, I'm not a doctor, and I could be totally off base. And as it is, I could be totally out of line even mentioning it, and if you feel that I am I'm sorry.
But, I do know what you mean about being ashamed, as well. If you didn't do anything to actively and purposely cause the situation (in this case losing weight) then it might feel unfair to you in light of people like your friend who did it on purpose and had to work hard at it, for others to comment on how good you look or how much weight you lost and to make a big deal out of it or even just to take the time to comment to you about it when they see you.
I get that way, too, but like I said above it's for those reasons but instead of shame I feel more embarrassment than anything. And worry that maybe I'm stealing someone else's thunder who DID work at it. :/
I'm always self-conscious about things like that, though. :p
Loosing weight mean two things.
1.Happy
2. Scary
Yeah, it's a bit strange, but we are two living in the same body.
When an insecure person hears, "Oh, you are so thin," or "Wow, you look great," it actually makes them more self-conscious about themselves rather than making them feel good.
I have been trying (sucessfully!) to be aware of my emotional eating. I have lost ten lbs over the summer because of this.
it depends on the context. say im at a bit of a higher weight and want to get myself down to a specific weight, i do employ methods to make myself lose the weight, and that's intentional. once im there, i try to maintain it. at the expense of maintaining it, i might actually unintentionally lose more weight. at this point, (when my jeans are hanging loose off my body and the curves of my butt have straightened) my mother will intervene. so i'll probably revamp my eating plan a bit and put on the few pounds i had never meant to lose. so from there i'll probably be staying at the same weight...but then i might go for camp and the food might be shitty and unhealthy and i'll be abstaining from eating anything, despite the intensity of the physical activities...and i'll lose weight, though i wouldnt have meant or wanted to. of course, once i get back to my daily life, i'll get my pounds back. so it happens like that, the context determines the intention. and i just about told you a part of the story of my life.
i gain when i'm stressed and i gain when i'm too merry, lol. and as for people commenting on my weight loss,.. its a love hate kinda thing. I like that they notice cuz i never notice and sometimes it feels like i'm working so hard for nothing. but its also a little embarrassing especially when they exagerate and call me skinny or something, especially when they write such exagerations on my facebook of all places for all to see. cuz then i think that no i'm not skinny and others are like..wtf.. she sho as hell ain't skinny, so i feel like i gotta work harder (and i want to be fit,.. not skinny). so yeah. I mean you,.. ur problem is not weight at all,.. its whatever is eating you up inside so i think we have totally differnt problems.
Im reading Faithfully Fit by Claire Cloninger and Laura Barr. So far, I think this is a great read for those who suffer from the ups and downs of dieting... Still starting it though so not much to say about its effectiveness... One thing for sure, it tackles on understanding the problem and does not really give diet tips and all... its about changing one's attitude towards food and exercise...
In order to stop losing weight and considering that you are eating less than usually because of stress and/or deppresion you should eat only high-calorie meals. Doing that, you'll not lose more weight.
In my case, it depends on...I don't know, sometimes I use food to cheer me up and sometimes my stomach closes and nothing enter my mouth. By the way, I lose and gain weight very easily.
I do admit that I gain weight when Im stressed. I feel like I want to eat a big cheeseburger to let it all go. I believe whats important is that we should be responsible and mature enough to choose what we eat.
Interesting point of view.
Focusing on weight loss for me...is a focus on surviving till old age. I've got a family history of heart related conditions..and I would like to beat my odds....not by inches...but by many miles.
When I'm stressed, mad, or overall frustrated I can't eat.
In my head it just looks silly when I think about people who are angry, but eating. It's such a serious feeling. I wouldn't be able to take it serious if I was eating a cupcake or something you know? Haha its just so odd, plus eating is probably the last thing on my mind depending what my deal is.Negative emotions are like a one track mind to me until you eventually get over it. Then you may eat.
On a different note, I'd rather be really fit and healthy (which i'm working on right now).
I hate seeing purposely malnutrition people. They look gummy and stringy. I wish everyone one would just like their bodies and improve them in a healthy manner.
Most health authorities are currently reporting that the health
benefits that are associated with eating fruits and vegetables are
going to far outweigh any concerns that are associated with the use of
pesticides.There are a number of things
that you can do to lessen the risk of exposure to the potentially
harmful effects of pesticides.