Thursday, 17 September 2009
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A Response to "Why Does Everyone Hate Anorexic Girls?"
On August 29, 2009, Healthkicker featured a post titled "Why Does Everyone Hate Anorexic Girls?" submitted by user ate_kate@xanga.com. The post received over 20,000 views and brought up a lot of questions and concerns from other users. The following post, originally titled "Jealousy of a Deadly Variety," is a response to the previously featured post. Graphic photo to follow.
Lately, I've been reading a lot of posts that are just plain irritating. People are bashing different look, styles and diseases and sites and really, I find it to be supremely frustrating. I recently read a post on Healthkicker that had a comment that we are all JEALOUS of people with eating disorders because they are so skinny.
The original post was meant to make people understand that anorexia is a serious problem, and that the people who recognize it as such are in need of support. They do not need to be bashed because of their size; no one does, because frankly, you don't know what it is that made them that way. I thought the original post was well written and did a good job defending those who are seeking help from those who may be judging them without all the facts.
However, upon spying comments about how we "hate" on those with anorexia because they are skinny. We don't hate the victims, but instead the disease as something that they have, not who they are. I felt compelled to reply.
I will be the first to admit that I am not skinny. In fact, I am overweight by both societal and medical standards. I will also admit to desiring to lose weight, and to be thinner. However, this...
...will never be who I want to be. I may envy those who can eat what they want without gaining a pound, and yes - I would love to be able to wear a bikini on the beach. But not at the cost of my health. Yes, I realize that being overweight is a health risk as well, but 5-20% of people with anorexia nervosa will not survive the complications that come from it, which makes it the most lethal of all eating disorders.
Fact: 40% of 9 year old girls have dieted.
Our society has become so obsessed with image that 9 year olds are feeling the pressure. A 9 year old should be worrying about their new Barbie dream house, NOT losing weight. This idea that we're "jealous" of people with eating disorders serves to fuel the problem. Being so thin that you can't stand on your own, that your ribs show, that your bones are brittle... this is not something to be desired, nor is it something to be jealous of.
This post was soley directed toward those who may envy those who are so skinny; who cannot eat for fear of gaining weight; who see themselves as fat when there is hardly any meat left on their body. This post is directed toward those who would encourage people to lose weight against the will of their bodies. Thin is a fashion trend, not an "ideal."
So ask yourself, are you trying to be healthy, or are you trying to be skinny? Are you willing to sacrifice mental health for physical beauty?
What do you think of this response? Do you agree that people are jealous of those who are obscenely skinny, or are you in agreement that it is better to be healthy than to be skinny?
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About the Author
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- From: oXSweetAviators@xanga
- Name: Jennifer
- About Me: Hi Everyone, I'm Jen and I'm 18. I'm a musician/artist/writer/actor/dork. Xanga is just something to pass the time =] Hopefully (if you're reading this) I've posted something of interest that you've liked. =]
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Comments (91)
Personally: I'm not going to lie.. I'm on the low or "ideal" side of average when it comes to weight. And I still want to be a little thinner. Not like 85 pounds, but just a few less than I am. But I am not going to resort to unhealthy means to achieve that. In fact.. I'm striving for ideal, lifelong health.
This is one of least-ignorant ED healthkicker posts I've read, good job. :)
... honestly, I don't know anyone who would be jealous of such thing.
Here's the thing. I understand where you're coming from, and I agree with you.
BUT.
Body Dysmorphic Disorders are a complex thing. I know, because I suffer from one. I have it under control, but in the past I've been completely obsessed before. Over the years I've had many friends who I've cared for with Ana/Mia or other BDD's. I can't say that it's an addiction per se, but it's the same mechanism in the brain that's responsible for the same irrational self-view and behavior.
"I want to stop. I can't stop. I must lose five more pounds."
The truth is, in the end it really IS in the mind, and a strong mind CAN overcome and stop it. In fact, this is the ONLY way to beat both addictions and Body Dysmorphic Disorders.
But until someone has that strength of mind to do that, it's a very difficult life. We look at people with Ana/Mia like they're being ridiculous, how can they think they're fat when they're barely existing? Here's the thing: It's IN THE MIND. Imagine if every time you looked in the mirror, you saw the devil standing behind you. It's like this. We can say someone who sees this is being ridiculous, but to them, that devil is very real. And until your mind can stop yourself from seeing that devil, you're always going to see it; and you're going to scream and cry and do irrational things just to try and make it go away.
This is what it feels like to be Body Dysmorphic in your mind.
Now yes, there are the casual, trendy Ana/Mia's, who think it's cool to eat 300 calories a day and vomit all the time. These people, lame.
The people I'm talking about though, are the ones who have lost control of themselves.
There's nothing at all to be Jealous of a person with True Ana/Mia. Your body is destroying itself at the will of your Mind, which you've lost control of.
In the end, it requires the Mind to resume control again. Then the Mind can stop the body from destroying itself.
In the end, It requires the adoption of a healthy lifestyle, completely -- not just in thinking, but in actual belief and practice; and acceptance that who you are, as long as you are living your life to the best of your ability and making the most out of the potential of your mind, body, heart and soul, it doesn't matter what you look like or what anyone thinks of you.
When you can Love yourself and allow yourself to BE LOVED by others for Just You, as you are.
THIS is when the devil is gone.
And BTW, yes it's getting out of hand. When our culture is confusing 9 year old girls into the descending spiral of Ana/Mia, something needs to be done.
I'm below avrage in my weight. But i am far from fit. I cannot even run a mile with out my chest hurting and haveing breathing troubles. I have extream dieted before... now I am trying to slowly increase my physical activity and eat in equally spaced out meals. I'm glad you posted this. i can't believe someone said that people hate ana/mias because they wished they were skinny!
I agree with you 100%. Any one who thinks people are jealous of the super skinny have a screw loose or something. I mean come on there is a difference between wanting to be thin, ideal HEALTHY THIN, and starving yourself. And I'm sorry I personally think females that are already thin, self-admitted thin and want to lose MORE weight, even if it is only 2lbs has something wrong with her and needs to seek help. It isn't normal to want to be super thin.
Over the years I have had several friends, myself included who have struggled with body image or a full on eating disorder. I feel sorry for the FEW I personally knew that had REAL problems, because most of the girls I saw that would starve themselves and push themselves to be thin, to be TOO thin I should say, they didn't have anything wrong with them except the pressure and desire to be thin. They were not actually sick with an eating disorder, their problems were self-inflicted. And maybe I am a bad person, but when you starve yourself to fit someone else's standard of beauty or overeat to morbid obesity, or do anything else willingly to yourself I can't and won't feel sorry for you.
Society as a whole needs to stop teaching girls that the only way to be pretty/sexy/attractive/worth anything you need to be as thin as possible.
So what if you wear a 4 but want to wear a 2, is it really that big of a deal? Really? Because I am not thin, never will be that small, so next time one of you whining ass little I'm going to starve myself to lose 2 effing pounds because the only in life that is important is how itty bitty stick thin I can be, why don't you think of what you are doing to your health. You want to sit and judge those of us who aren't thin for driving up health care costs "(and yeah, lots of fat people have health problems) but so do the rest of you and starving yourselves is making you sick too.
I do believe that there a quite a few that are jealous. I constantly get friend requested by what I classify as 'wannarexics', which are usually pretty overweight girls trying to go from COE to anorexia. Or quite young girls 12-14 that are using it as some sort of rebellion in their youth. Stupid little girls.
Personally I have recovered, I am slightly underweight, or at least at the low end of 'normal weight', but I recovered all by myself!
I also want to enforce the that fact that there is a lot more emotional cause for EDs in general, though somehow I always feel anorexia was worse since I experienced it. It is not all about being thin it's about some other type of deep emotional issue. It's not as simple as "I want to be skinny"
a sizable sum of society has mistaken the image of what they thought they see behind the image of what is real. all the talk and contemplation fuels the fire in cycles for the next to be had.
be about it.
@chow@ireallylikefood - 2 years on xanga and this is the best thing I have read here about the topic. Thank you.
I am not sure I agree with you 100%. x
I know what you mean. I can't say I have never been anorexic. I still get that little thought in my head when I look in the mirror. And and Its hard to control. Right now I am in my perfect weight. I even want to gain maybe 5 pounds just to please my family. They are happy now that I have some MEAT on my bones. I must say I love the way my face glows. But it doesnt stop the thought in my head. the "ugh I look fat in this" or the "ahh i need to lose weight here and here" I am 5'6 and weigh 125. I have pictures of when I weighed 105....for my height that is way to low. I have always had this in my head though. It always comes back with depression. Its not that I put myself up to it. It just happens. I eat. I do. But I will admit that their are days when I am just not hungry. My husband on the contrary loves food. I can't say that I do. I eat because I need to. Sure I like some foods bu I cant say that I love food.
........and I agree with you this does need to stop. I would hate for my daughter to go through this ....but as I see it ...she loves all types of foods...no matter what I introduce to her....=]
@chow@ireallylikefood - I totally agree with you.
I'll be brave and try to explain the whole jealousy thing and no I didn't respond with jealous. A few years ago, I probably would have agreed with the girls that cried jealousy although I wouldn't have said it out loud or typed on that post. I understood that most people didn't want to look anorexic or maybe not even as thin as I was at the time. There were a few people on-line like Ulma mentioned that are actual jealous. Those people are sick individuals whether they are overweight with COE or they are the 12 year old little girls that want to be anorexic (and I don't mean the ones that want to look like a movie star I mean the ones that want to look like that picture).
When I said jealous (back when I believed it), I meant people were jealous of the illusion of control that I had especially in the earlier years where I was really deep in my disorder. I honestly thought that people were jealous of the fact that I could hide completely breaking down mentally and emotionally, exercise for hours on end, not eat (and sometimes drink) but still appear like I have my shit together on the outside. I was pretty delusional.
Even though I am recovered now, I know myself well enough that the answer to the question is that I would rather be skinny. I don't think I will ever get to the point that I could accept myself if I were even slightly overweight.
Maybe Barbie's the problem. Maybe the 9 year-olds want to look like her.
Just sayin.
'Thin is a fashion trend, not an "ideal."' SO TRUE. Back way in the day, think Renaissance, the fashion trend was overweight women. Don't believe me? Look at some classical paintings. Notice how all the women have a bit of extra weight to them? That, my friends, was considered beautiful. In that age, skinny = poor, overweight = rich. Now that food is overly abundant (in the US) and full of fatty goodness, the opposite is true. Whatever rich is, that is the ideal. In the end, I think it all boils down to money. Beauty standards are based on who is rich and powerful in said society.
I can see what you're trying to say. I'm jealous of girls who are a healthy weight and look good. I'm a little over weight and trying to lose a few pounds, but I could never be anorexic. I don't hate Anorexics, in fact I feel sorry for them. I hate Anorexia for taking over people's minds and making them think they're fat when they're not at all.
@RuftyRoo@xanga - I agree with you. It's best to stop early, before a person truly becomes caught up in the downward spiral. Once you get so far down, it's very hard to climb back out.
Also, I understand what you're saying, because it's what I went through myself. But I believe that it's not just failing body systems and abnormal body chemistry that affects the mind, but it's the mind that affects the body as well. I believe they play equal roles in the downward spiral. The ED itself is a mental affliction, what we see are the physical results of the physical downward spiral, which in turn fuel the mental downward spiral as well.
I'm not saying that a strong minded person cannot fall to an ED. I've always been a strong minded person. What I went through is an example of what you're describing, that even strong minded people can fall to this, and in the process become weak.
My point though, is that in order to recover, it requires the mind to become strong again, and be able to regain control. Let me explain:
In order to get better, a person needs to be able to tell themselves "STOP" and make a conscious decision to get healthy, and in effect, climb up the spiral again. As a person climbs up and out, they naturally become both physically and mentally stronger as well. It takes strength to stop the inertial force of the downward spiral. You can intervene on someone, but until they find that reservoir of strength inside themselves to make the commitment for themselves, the path to recovery cannot start.
My apologies for being unclear in my original post.
I'm not sure I understand what you mean by "A strong mind with an eating disorder can serve to make the problem worse" though, could you elaborate?
@RuftyRoo@xanga - By the way, I am sorry. I should have looked before I post replied to you. I didn't realize you were fighting it too.
@ironic_vertigo@xanga - You're right. And just about fifty years ago, the trend was to be curvy rather than thin. Ever heard of Twiggy? First stick-thin model who started this trend.
I pretty much just wish everyone would shut up about other people and how they look, so we can all stop being so worried about being too fat or too thin for someone. I'm of the type to not care what people think, I think I'm attractive, my boyfriend thinks I'm attractive, and that's all I need. But most people aren't like that, and words cut deep for most.
If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all.
@Erika_Steele@xanga - eHug
@contently_unimpressive@xanga - Thank you :)
I was an anorexic teenager. I am very petite and I thought that I had to be skinny to be liked by the guys in high school. After spending one year dieting (or should I say starving myself), walking, running, binging and vomiting, I finally came to a place where I realized that I was killing myself and took control of my "out of control" thoughts concerning my self image. I did not menstruate for one year, had broken blood vessels in my eyes and was frail, yet tried to hid it from my parents. When I looked in the mirror I saw what I thought people saw concerning my body. I was wrong. People did not really judge me according to my body shape. That was my problem and I needed to be accountable for my actions toward my body. I changed my eating habits and realized that I could eat healthy if I chose. From that day on, I have never gone back. Every has changed, even my thinking about myself. I birthed 3 children years later because I made the right choices.
Should people be jealous of that? They just do not understand the truth about anorexia. It is a slow killer and I didn't want to be it's next victim/ Why would they want to live like that?
enouuuuughhhhh
The only reason I could think of that would have someone be jealous of a person who is anorexic, would be that that person thinks that it isn't an addiction. Or doesn't understand what an addiction is. Or what a disease like this is. And they might think that through "discipline" like that of an anorexic, they can become the weight they want to be, and then just immediately stop when they feel that they are the right weight.
This kind of thinking says that someone who is jealous of an anorexic doesn't understand anorexia, doesn't know much about it, or doesn't completely believe that someone could be unable to stop themselves from being anorexic easily.
Otherwise, I can't imagine how anyone would feel jealous of an anorexic. o.O;