My best friend has been hospitalized for anorexia four times in the past three years. She has straight up told me they told her in the hospital that you never fully recover, and that it is like that for every addiction (they compared it to alcoholism. You may not drink anymore, but you are still an alcoholic, though recovered). I am a former cutter, and I feel that the same applies to me. I no longer cut, but when I get very upset, it is the first thing that comes to mind. I have to conscientiously tell myself that I don't need to do that anymore. It DOES get easier, though. Speaking from my personal experience, I used to have to tell that to myself several times a day. Then it went to only at night, when I lied in bed and thought about everything. And now, as I said, I only think of it when I become upset.
You may question why I compare an eating disorder to cutting and I can tell you it's because they're both not only coping skills but addictions. They become a HUGE part of your life, they consume it. They use essentially the same methods to help you recover from both (emotionally) in treatment. That, and I myself still suffer from an eating disorder. They have many of the same... feelings associated with them (to me anyway).
So don't be deterred. You CAN get better. But you will always have those urges. I've found recovery isn't about getting rid of the urge, but dealing with it in healthy ways.

I think because you have these thoughts for so long, they never completely leave your mind.
I'm meant to be in recovery now. But I can't. It's a struggle every day to fight against this disorder, but I feel it's so much apart of me now, I can't let it go.
And to be honest I don't want to.
So I don't think you ever completely recover. Btw, this was a great post <3

It's funny that you've written this because I've always thought about it since I got over mine. Well, I say "got over" as in I'm no longer headed down a one-end pathway. My eating still isn't what most normal and healthy people eat, but it's a far cry from where I was. I don't think it'll ever be back to normal. Hell, "normal" doesn't even really have a meaning. Every day it seems I have to really force myself to eat something and I hate it. But I don't even know where to begin to fix it. It's my little secret too... no one knows. I don't want them to.

Each day is hard. I'm sorry I don't have anything uplifting or hopeful to say regarding this :\

I don't you think you ever truly recover, however the urges to decide your eating do lessen with time.
The trouble for anorexics is actually to choose what food to eat, to manage to eat it everyday, if food were completely unimportant (aka, you had a regular meal schedule) it would probably be easier.
The less you have to think about food the better.
I'm 'recovered' now, and I'm still struggling with feelings of low selfworth when I eat 'a lot' of food (aka my BMR)

I do believe that you can recover. Especially since it's been only five years, and you're not an adult yet. Statistics show that teenagers with an eating disorder have the best shot at recovery, Bulimics also can fully recover. I know people who are fully recovered, even after long term EDs.

I'm partly recovered. I run a relapsing remitting process of anorexia and bulimia. I have a relatively low body weight, and I have not managed to gain past it. It's always there, and I have my typical food behaviours. But it's not interfering with my life as much. And maybe one day, in years time, I too will be recovered. I'm counting in at ten years now.

While not being able to recover may sound soothing now, I've seen the future of ED twenty years from now. You don't want that. Twenty years from now, you want to be a healthy mother of a five to fifteen year old. You want to go to college and enjoy it. ED wasn't worth four of my highschool and six of my college years.,

It has taken me 17 years to recovery from chronic anorexia bulimia.  Recovery is scary and hard and challenging and demands all your will power and faith...but it's worth it.

The illness and some of the fears may linger, but I have come out of the other side really valuing life and living every minute fully - when you've seen how bleak it can be, and been so near to the other side, you can only go forwards.

findingmelissa.co.uk may be able to give you some ideas.

Keep going! - at 17 you can still turn your life around; at 29, it was a lot harder!

I am 43 and have had eating disorder since I was about 6.

I think I will always be tempted to use food, binging or starving when things in life get tough. But I have learned ways of dealing with life's challenges that make it possible for me to NOT use my food issues inappropriately.

I am not condemned to struggle with food every moment for the rest of my life, but the weakness in that area will always be there. Everyone has areas of weakness, this is one of mine.

The key is to work on the underlying issues, build strength where you can, to deal with life, then there will be few times when you are tempted, and even then you will realize you have other options that will truly address life and get you where you want to be, and you won't feel compelled to turn to ED again to gloss over the problem...and create an even bigger one.

I am working recovery right now...after I chose to use ED as a coping mechanism for some situations in my life that, of course, it could not truly address.

ED is a lie, it's a drug I use to keep my mind off the things that are really scaring me. I have to address it like I do any other addiction...stop using, and find a real way of dealing with my issues.

I had an eating disorder in high school, about ten years ago now. Mine was very connected to some other out of control events going on in my life. I feel like I am 99% recovered. I would never be able to restrict my food again the way I did then, but I say only 99% because I do still have some issues with body image that I think have lingered from that time. Maybe you talk to a professional, like someone who does behavioral therapy, to help you break the habit. 

I struggled with anorexia nervosa when I was in high school. I think I am about 95% recovered, give or take a few numbers. I am at a "healthy" weight now and eat 3 good-sized meals a day, but I still think about food a lot. I am obsessed with eating healthy. What causes me a lot of anxiety, for some reason, is eating in front of people other than my family. I feel like people are staring at me and analyzing what I eat and how I eat, and that causes me anxiety. I don't know if I will ever get 100% better, but I can live with where I am now.

@hedcandy@xanga - that actually might be the most brilliant definition of "recovery" i've ever heard. do you mind if i borrow it?

No, I'm pretty sure it is possible.
In the physical aspect, some of the damage done may be irreversable which makes it so frightening.

i feel the same as you. even when im eating and it seems like everything is ok, i have the voice in the back of my head telling me to stop. idk. i hate it.

it's always there, i think...