Yes, it has, I was raped by an ex boyfriend, when I have sex with my husband sometimes I have problems because I get scared, I have endometriosis it swells the inside of my vagina and hurts with the initial penetration. My husband understands it though, even though it scares him sometimes.

*hugs* im glad your working through it!

I am sorry to hear about what happen to you.  I have dated two women who were raped and a girl who was sexually abused *twice*.  It not only effects the woman who was violated but also those who love them.  I am happy to say at least one of the women was able *after some time and patients together with counseling (we attended together)* to get past her past and trust those who actually do love her.  The other woman who was raped still has issues but she won't accept help or trust anyone and the girl who was abused, well the stories ending hasn't been written.  

I know exactly what you're talking about.

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I'm so close to tears reading this. Not only was I sexually assaulted repeatedly when I was 5 years old by a female classmate who was 3 times my size, I also have problems with sex. I clamp up sometimes when my current bf puts his dick inside me, I still kinda have nightmares about the assault, and I've been with quite a few people every time I'm single. I wish I had your courage to speak up and get the help I need, but I don't, and it's slowly killing me inside.

You are not alone.  Right now in the US there are over 60 million people living with the effects of childhood sexual abuse.  Some of these survivors have endured violent events, and yet others have survived events just as you have described.  Worldwide there are estimated to be nearly 1 billion people living with the effects of CSA.  It is unfortunate that so many adult survivors continue through their life with the idea that they are alone.  My name is Gretchen Paules and I am the Administrative Director for a newly formed non-profit called the Let Go...Let Peace Come In Foundation.  Our mission at the LGLPCI Foundation is to help heal and support adult survivors of childhood sexual abuse worldwide.  Please visit our website at http://www.letgoletpeacecomein.org for more information.  We are currently seeking adult survivors who would be willing to post a childhood photo & caption, their story, or their creative expression to our website to help "show" the world that we are not alone and that there is a need to help those that have survived childhood sexual abuse.  By demonstrating a need we can break the cycle of abuse and help to provide for healthier future generations.  

I'm so sorry that both the original poster and even some of the commenters here have had experiences with sexual abuse. It's a horrible thing to go through for both the victim and their loved ones and I wish such a thing would never happen to anyone, ever.

I too was sexually molested when I was about 3, I think. I only have one distinct memory of it and it took to me a while to realize I had been molested because I wasn't sure growing up whether I had been or not. I don't feel trauma from the actual incident though, more like trauma from the process of finally realizing what had been done to me. It's one thing to know you have been molested, it's another to have to slowly come to terms with the fact when it happened so long ago.

The thing is it doesn't interfere with my sex life because I'm asexual. I know, many people might jump on the fact that the molestation might be the reason for my asexuality, but it's not. It's one of the reasons I don't like admitting I was molested. I'm so comfortable in my (lack of) sexuality and it does not distress me at all because I know who I am; however, having someone tell me that because of the molestation, I'm not who I say I am, really hurts. I don't want my abuse to define my sexual orientation. I know who I am and I don't want people telling me who I should be when they don't know what I've gone through to accept both my sexual abuse and sexual orientation.

@wishtoremainunknown@xanga - I wasn't going to read this post..but I'm glad I did. I've read so much on here I can completely relate to, and even though I've been to counselling and told friends and 'know' I'm not the 'only' one, I still feel very alone.

I thought I was strange and maybe mistaken in that, my ex-bfd forced sex on me too, and he sometimes/usually? tried to make it 'passionate and loving'. So, when I met my current bfd, I stopped it from being loving-whenever he was sweet I would freak out and feel sick etc. Now we only ever really have fast and hard sex-almost no foreplay-that's how I can only seem to enjoy it as well.

But lately I've been thinking about it more and more and I WANT it to be loving..I'm just wondering if I've screwed things up and now he can't/won't be able to..:(

And, just to note: Many women, like I dont know the % but its HUGE, physically are unable to ever orgasm from penetration. I know I can't! Some women can't orgasm at all..I have a friend who enjoys sex etc, but she's never been able to 'O'-not even from doing it herself lol-so you're not weird for that:)

I encourage and strongly recommend opening up to someone, and/or getting counselling-of course, i only had the courage to open up when i was extremely drunk, but I got it out, and its helped me so much:) And I've told my bfd about it too (he kind of had to know..i couldn't keep pushing him away during sex and turning cold and silent for no reason whatsoever..). I was terrified of telling him, but he's been amazing:) We even have our own special way to deal with it if 'it' comes back...like a personal joke...weird but it works:)

Shite this is long lol. I just wanted to say you are not alone, and in a way, thank you for posting this, because now I know i'm not 'really' alone either:) the people in books, magazines, the ones you hear about..dont seem 'real' in a way. And reading this and the comments has made me understand so much better, and i feel much better now, thank you:)
xoxo

Thank you for writing this! Of course your not alone.

The first step is to forgive yourself. I know it's hard.

You have to accept the past as a part of you, so you can make a new you.

I'm and so sorry for what you have gone through. I can empathize on how hard that must be for you. I too have been sexually abused, although not in the same way as you. I was abused from the time I was 11 to the time I was 14. It was absolutely aweful, horribe, grotesque, terrifying and so many other words cannot describe the termoil of it all. I expect it was the same for you.

My sex life is different than yours though, because mine is absolute zero. I've never had a boyfriend even though my heart longs to be in a loving relationship. Every single time I see a child, my heart yearns to have children of my own.

I do see sex and making love as beautiful, but I feel like I am too ugly, worthless, and insignificant to ever be able to be wanted or loved in that way. To me there is nothing more beautiful than two people who have united in love, come together and express that love in a physical way. And when those people want to have a child, their love comes together to create a life.

I don't know. The point of all this was supposed to be that you are not alone. And you are not the only one in the world to feel the way you do. Although our circomstances are different and our ways of dealing with the sexual abuse are different, the feelings remain the same.

Please know you are not alone. I'm like you in the way that I don't EVER EVER share or talk about this to anyone... except my psychologist. Its taken over an entire year for me to build up the trust and strength to talk about this, but she is helping me so much. Do you have anyone like that you can talk too? If you haven't and want to, please make sure before you go that person specialized in sexual abuse issues and trauma... I made a mistake of not doing that before and it was really damaging.

Okay, feel better. You are not alone!

I watched this movie called "Good Dick" and its about this girl who only rents hardcore porn from the video store. Well the guy behind the counter takes an interest in her, and wants to figure out how she ticks. It's one of the few love stories that I was really drawn to because the girl was so damaged with her sexuality and her knowledge of men.

I know some people might be having healthy relationships, and healthy sex... but for every situation like that there are a 100 dudes willing to lie to you in order for you to sleep with them. So if you didnt have a problem with sex to begin with, you could easily start one.

I've had some things happen  that I just had to forgive. I had to forgive that they happened to me. Occasionally a memory will rise up out of the muck and really haunt me... but you have to move on. I think for most people who have experienced worse, you have to FIGHT to get better. Some stuff doesnt get better over time, you have to be pro active and make sense of your feelings.

It may be twice as hard when its someone in your family.

I'm sorry you have to endure this. *hugs*
Be strong because you're strong.