Friday, 20 November 2009
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Is It OK to Put Your Child on a Diet?
When I was growing up, I went through a two-year-long chubby stage right as I entered middle school. It was partly due to a lack of growth spurt, but it was also due in part to a lack of exercise. In retrospect, I wonder why my parents didn’t step in and encourage me to be more active. The weight came off when I started to play sports and grew a few inches, but my parents didn’t know that was going to happen and I could have been headed for some real health issues. At the same time, I really appreciate that my parents were supportive of me and didn’t try to make me feel bad about my weight.
This month's Oprah magazine has an interesting essay on this very topic, written by a mother and her now-grown daughter. The mother, concerned that her daughter was gaining weight, imposed strict rules about dieting on her daughter and also made comments like, “Are you sure you really want seconds?” Over the years, this led the daughter to a poor body image and disordered eating. What is so interesting about this essay is that the mother thought she was protecting her child from the cruelty of others by helping her to slim down. Instead of feeling protected, the daughter felt inadequate. Now that the daughter is grown, the two have been able to reconcile some of their differences, but weight is still a touchy topic between them.
As a parent, you want your child to be healthy and happy. It must be difficult to know how to help an over-weight child without over-stepping your bounds or destroying her self-confidence.
Is it ok for parents to regulate their child’s diet or make these comments? Are there better ways to help an over-weight child? What would you do?
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About the Author
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- From: lindsaya
- Name: lindsaya
- About Me: I am a teacher/writer who lives in New York city and I am always on the go. In between my various jobs, obligations, and activities, I try to make time to lead a healthy and balanced life. I love to run, swim, do yoga, and try new activities. I am also a long-time vegetarian who is constantly struggling between my desire to eat healthy foods and my love of all things made out of bread or covered in cheese!
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Comments (73)
if your child NEEDS to lose weight, then yes, by all means change their diet. but don't make possibly hurtful comments to them (ie "do you really think you should be eating that?"), just let them know as kindly as you can that you are concerned about their weight and health.
in extreme cases i would consider not trying to fix your child's weight problem abuse, neglect at least.
when talking about weight, you need to mention concern of health and not focus on image, and that seems to be what that mom did.
@soyeahthatswhathappened@xanga - what she said
@wolvenchic@xanga - Exactly. Those who are thin can be unhealthy too just like those who are overweight can be healthy. The mother is a bit of a hypocrite too seeing as how see probably provided those unhealthy foods to her daughter. She has no room to emotionally abuse her daughter over her weight if she was a contributing factor.
Well, parents are usually in an ideal position to regulate their child's diet --simply because they're the ones who purchase the groceries/food. I don't think it'd be fair to single a child out, but you can (and should) definitely regulate the kid's diet just buy purchasing healthier foods and not buying unhealthy foods. Make it a whole-family thing and establish healthy eating and diet habits early on.
I agree with an above commenter- the parent is in the perfect position to regulate their child's food and exercise. A parent doesn't need to be like a trainer, or a coach, but they can just simply buy different foods. Start preparing vegetables and salads, serve less meat, serve smaller portions, etc. Tell them to go play outside right after school, and wait until after dinner to start homework.
I dont blame my mom for my eating disorder but i can honestly say she did encourage it. i love my mom to death but she was a little to up front with me and my weight and eating. when i put candy or something negative in my mouth...(yes i said negative lol) she would make a comment like "stephanie u keep eatin that mess u going to end up fat like me" yes my mom is on the heavy side and always have been sense ive known her....so i kind of understand why she would comment when i did eat candy and all types of junk food because she didnt want me to be like her but then again she could have been a little gentle with me...idk but like i said i doont blame my mom for me having a eating disorder well not fully at least.
I was an overweight kid. And my parents would try to help me out with my diet and exercise.
I never formed an eating disorder. Thanks to their constant (at times annoying) reminders, I'm at a very much healthier weight than I ever was through good diet and exercise. A lot of times people are afraid to be honest with you, especially your friends. My parents were concerned about my health and they addressed it.
They weren't sugar coating it either. Because if they were to, would I have listened? Probably not.
They never put me on any particular "diet". They just encouraged me to change my eating habits and exercising so that I can live a healthier life and I don't see anything wrong with that.
But in my case I was a fat child, so if the kid is perfectly normal, then no it's not okay.
From the very begining, be active in what the child eats. Don't cook fatty and greasy food all the time. Have them grow up with a healthy diet. That prevents any issues with food and diet and weight. If parents have children grow up leading healthy and active lives, they won't have to worry about their body. I wish my mother had done that with me.
only if the benefits outweigh the negatives.
Why not go healthy in the whole house instead of singling out the child? To me, that would be the kindest, healthiest thing to do. But some kids are just gonna be overweight unless you like, starve them--I know girls who play several sports and eat normally but are about fifty pounds overweight. I don't get it but hey, whatever. Anyways, yes a parent should put their child on a diet if their health is in danger.
Personally I think there are ways parents can go about mentioning a "diet" or something, encourage it.
My mom wanted to start a no-carb/very low carb diet to lose some weight. That was around my 6th grade year. I was already pretty active at PE and outside etc, but I always ate a lot. Anyway, she told me she "didn't want to do it alone," and that "mommy needs some encouragement," so I did it with her. And... I lost weight. :D I went from a cute little chubby kid (i wasnt really fat or unhealthy overweight, but you get the idea; If I hadn't have lost it then I would probably have gotten worse), to a cute little healthy & fit kid. Then I hit 7th grade and was finally old enough for the basketball team - VARSITY YO! And I was healthy and fit to play. Lol.
I'm really glad she asked / wanted me to "do it with her."
Oh - she made my dad go along with it too, haha.
lead by example, eat HEALTHY not less and never make your child feel that eating while they are hungry is wrong, eat slow meals where you have conversations about the day, not in front of the tv. take a family walk after dinner around the neighborhood, spend the weekends playing sports in the backyard. Healthy Body Images come from Healthy Role Models in parents, if my mom had worried about her weight & starved herself I probably would have too, everyone wants to be like their parents when they are little. Teach your children to eat healthy & exercise early on and they will do that all their lives.
i think you can put your child on a 'diet' - but they can't know it's a 'diet' to lose weight and look good, it has to be a 'lifestyle change' for the WHOLE FAMILY that will increase HEALTH, not make you look better.
putting a child on a diet and telling him/her that they are on a diet to lose weight because they are FAT is wrong.
As a somewhat sensitive seventeen-year-old, comments like that SUCK. My dad will say things after I come home from running, like "How far did you run? [my answer] Oh, well I ran [some answer bigger than mine, in less time]." He competes with me...
If I cut up an apple around noon (JUST an apple) he'll assume it's my lunch and say, "What a healthy lunch, I should do that more often..."
And when I reply that it's just a snack and that I'm going for lunch later he looks like he has no idea what to say.
He once told my sister, who said "Sometimes, I just get so busy that I forget to eat!" in front of him, "That's a good habit to have, and I wish I had it."
It REALLY messes with me. If your kids act like they know what health is and they exercise occasionally, leave them alone. Seriously.
My parents are actually struggling with this right now with my younger brother who is about 4 foot 6, 10 years old, and about 146 pounds. Most ten year olds at his age are under 100 pounds are just over. He spends almost all of his free time at home sitting in front of the tv either playing games are watching shows. Not to mention, he sneaks food after my parents have gone to bed, making it very difficult for my parents to keep his diet under control. Mom does everything she can to not bring image into it but she's starting to get very frustrated and is sick of having to buy him new clothes since the ones he has keep getting too tight! They control his portion sizes at the dinner table, but he throws a fit when he's denied seconds and wants them. He and my dad have recently started doing Tae Kwon Doe, and this place makes the members set goals for themself so my brother has a goal of losing a set amount of weight by next May, and even then he's still going for seconds and eating behind my parents' back.
As to your question, with some kids it's going to better in the long run to get them on a diet, whether they know it or not. With my brother, he would know if mom started putting him on a diet because he's too smart and observant.
Personally, for what to do with my brother and what I've suggested to my parents several times, is to limit his TV time with a timer (if there was a way to lock him out of the TV after a certain period of time that would be great!) and also to hide both the XBox and Wii when he's not supposed to be on them in hopes to encourage him to play outside more often.
As for other overweight kids, just encourage them to play, and play outside with them.
i think that if a parent can make their child eat healthier without aiming it on the child..like lets say every one in the house is eating healthier, then it shouldn't be a problem...but to say to the child...you sure you want seconds would seem very personal and hurt that kids feelings..
If your child is obese, it is bad parenting NOT to put them on a diet.
If your child is at risk for becoming unhealthy, then yes. If they're just naturally chubby because they're waiting for a growth spurt, then let them be. I don't think what the mother did was wrong, but she shouldn't have made comments about it, just y'know, get rid of all the junk in the house. That's what I'd do.
I know when I entered highschool my parents and grandparent would say these little comments like I need to go run on the treadmill or I need to stop eating so much. That led me to a 9 month starve. I ate nothing but yogurt, tuna and salad for those 9 months. mind you I was only 5'1 and I lost 30 pounds.
I became and exercise-a-holic. My life was consumed by calorie counting, working out and avoiding food by ALL means necessary. I remember waking up in the middle of the night of stomach pain because I was so hungry. But those words kept ringing in my head....encouraging me to continue starving.
I am healthier now. I still am work out a holic but I eat more. about 1200 calories a day. Lately its been around 900...I havent been that hungry.
But, though i dont believe in putting your child on a diet some children DO need it or it can lead to some major obesity problems when they are older. which in turn leads to self image and confidence issues which are NEVER good for a teen girl...(anorexic/bulemia)
My cousin is a big girl ( she is more of a child of a really close family friend) she was adopted from kazikstan (kid u not) and she lovvveeesss to eat. she is a tough little cookie too. But her doctor told her mother that she needed to be put on a diet. But its HARD. especially when that child is crying to you that she is hungry. And her sister (adopted from viet) is SO THIN. very petite fragile girl. You cant put her on a diet cause then shed prob shrivel up and disappear so its even harder cause while one is eating what she wants the other has to be restricted. SO i guess it would be ok if the WHOLE family went on a diet with her...
its so sad to see over weight children. You just wanna shake their parents and tell them to get their children active and COOK better food. Instead of opening the fridge and defrosting some mac n cheese.
I think it's okay. Really a chubby stage isn't a problem, no diet necessary. But considering the amount of obese children there a diet imposed by the parents is alright. Of course it should be done through education, not by parents 'guilting' their child into not eating. It can have severe consequences!!!
Parents should stock their home with healthy foods, have set meal times, routine is extremely important!! They should only have sweets once a week (that's how I grew up), not eat in front of the television etc.
If the parents are fat/obese themselves they should put themselves on this healthy diet as well and do it as a family, set a good example for their child!!
Naah man, never.
Once they hit a certain age, like maybe fourteen, if they want to lose weight, they can do it themselves, so long as they do it properly, y'know?
I think there is definitely different ways to help an overweight child. Simply by replacing the foods in the house. Get rid of junk, replace it with veggies and fruits. If the parents are fit and healthy themselves perhaps they can go outside and play with the children. It is not okay to make comments like that. That can ruin a child for the rest of it's life.
Mmmm. I don't ever think a parent should say, "You need to go on a diet to lose some weight!!!" Even as a young girl, that's pretty upsetting. I think if the child is obese or something, the parents should just replace all the junk food with healthy alternatives. That way the whole family is eating healthier. Personally, if my parent was like, "No seconds for you!" but she was heaping more food onto her plate (regardless of her size), I'd be pretty upset and confused. I think lifestyle changes are more beneficial than diets.
Just my opinion.
this is a tough topic. i've struggled with an eating disorder for about 6 years, and my mother made some similar comments like "do you really want seconds?" or stating "you don't have the body type to be a professional ballerina"... while they hurt me and made me angry, they were truthful. i was bingeing to try to deal with my emotions and she knew it. its hard though because she's a personal trainer and only eats nutritious food, so if i ever ate popcorn or anything sweet, she'd sort of give me the evil eye saying do you really need that.
so i don't know... to this day those statements scarred me, but also forced me to look at my habits and realize what i was doing was unhealthy.
it is NOT healthy to overindulge in sweets until you feel sick. it is fine to have a little here and there.i kind of wished i payed more attention to her comments because maybe i wouldn't still be suffering...