Friday, 27 November 2009
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Just Because I'm Skinny Doesn't Mean I'm Healthy
Dear Crohn’s Disease,
I’d like to start by telling you, thanks for making the past four years of my life hell.
Because of you I can’t enjoy the foods I once used too. One fun size piece of candy makes my stomach hurt. I’m allergic to carrageenan because of you, a stabilizer used in ice-creams, whipped cream, soy products, and vegetarian meats. No, it’s not like I break out from carrageenan or get a rash, I get fevers, horrible stomach pain and diarrhea. I wanted to become a vegetarian and I still do. I can’t because it’s hard enough as it is for me to get nutrition from food as it is because you’ve scarred my intestines.
Because of you, I’d get diarrhea every morning before I had a test in school. Every time I got stressed out or worried my stomach would feel pain and I’d know diarrhea was coming. Because of you, I’ve helped keep the company that makes Imodium in business.
I’m 5’5” and because of you I now weigh 105lbs, (after medication on average, 108). It’s hard for me to believe that four years ago I weighed 117 lbs, had boobs a cup size larger and even had some muscle tone. I could also easily find affordable, non-skanky pants that fit me. Now I can never find pants that fit on sale. I have to pay full price for pants that end up being loose anyway. A size zero will be too tight, but a size two will be too big. I’m not even tall enough to model. My being skinny does nothing for me, except cause people to think I have an eating disorder from time to time, and make skinny jokes. By the way, skinny jokes hurt just as much as fat ones.
You’ve exploited the fact that I’m a math major at an engineering school, constantly stressing myself out and busting my butt to get good grades. Stress just has to be one of your best friends.
Because I didn’t know what you were, at the age of 19 and before both of my 50+ year old parents, I had to get a colonoscopy in July. I had to chug liters of a disgusting laxative. I had to starve my already underweight self for that day. I was put to sleep and had a camera go up my butt. At least I got pictures of what you did to my colon.
Because of you I now have to take thousand dollar pills (yes, they literally cost a little under that much for a month). Luckily, insurance covers the cost of them and my dosage of the more expensive one ($9 a pill) has been reduced from three a day to two.
I'm getting better now. I’m taking my $1,000 pills and I’ve been working on stress management. I’ve actually had normal solid bowl movements again. But you just have to come and visit me every few weeks and make me take out the Imodium and lose those three or four pounds I worked so hard to gain. At least I don’t need to take Imodium a few times a week like I used to.
I know I should be thankful that you haven’t been as much of a bitch to me as you’ve been to others. You’ve messed up other people so bad they needed to have part of their colons removed.
I’m tired of your shit. No pun intended.
Sincerely,
KirstenP.S: I want those 10+ pounds back in the form of my boobs, ass, and muscles that I used to have.
What do you think about Kirsten's experience with Crohn's Disease?
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- From: crazedhobbit@xanga
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Comments (55)
My boyfriend has had a similar experience, living with Crohn's. He also has a hard time keeping his weight up, and his parents are happy when he's got some meat on his bones. It's interesting for me to hear, because most people would think it was a problem if they had a little extra tummy fat or whatever, but his family sees it as a sign of him being able to keep food in his stomach.
I think that....it's great you have a sense of humor. Dry humor or sarcastic or otherwise, its good. I'm glad things are getting better.
When I first read the title, I thought, "Ugh, not another post about weight !" and then that thought totally flew out of my mind. That's horrible that you can't be able to go through a day basically without being in pain. Especially when doing something as difficult as engineering ! It seems extremely difficult to have to deal with. And I agree with the person above in regards to the humor thing. It's always good to be able to joke about things, no matter how annoying it may be. It allows us to keep our sanity, I think.
Well, good luck with everything ! :]
wow, I'm sorry. that must be tough. I guess we all have our own battles that we're fighting, and we shouldn't be insensitive because we never really know what someone is going through.
I have IBS, or celiac, waiting for a test result, but ive been diagnosed IBS for over two years,and its incredibly similar to crohns, except it may be a little less intense, but less treatable also.
I know all about stress triggering horrible episodes, and stomach pain to the point of passing out. not to mention it made me lactose intolerant and unable to eat anything spicy.
Kristen, though, should cut out the immodium. I used to take tums, pepto bismol, and immodium all the time, just so i could get through schooll or work, and it fucked up my digestive tract even more. IF diarhea is the main problem (and pain) try fiber pills. or miralax. I drink two glasses of miralax a day, and although i DO have intestinol pain killers, i rarely need to use them if i eat right.
Anyway, I empathize very deeply kristen. People who don't have a condition like this cant even comprehend what it means, physically, mentally, and socially. Be strong and good luck, fight this and have a good life.
I think one of my good friends might have Crohn's Disease--I'm not sure, but he's experiencing the very things you are describing. Like warn_your_warmth said, people who don't have a condition like this can't even begin to imagine what you're experiencing every day. But don't let this overcome you or your life. Stay strong, Kirsten!
My friend was diagnosed with Crohn's Disease after he was suddenly hospitalized for 3 weeks--and that was during his vacation! He has to take all this medication now.
I hope you feel better girl. :(
This post scared me so bad. The doctor is sure I have it (my dad does too) and I have to get a colonoscopy on wednesday. Today I heard my parents say something about upgrading my insurance... I didn't know the medicine would be costing them that much. I hate getting comments where people are like "oh, the same thing happened to me.", but i really dont know anything else to say.
we should be kind to every thing and every one around us, because smiles are not always sign of joy,some are sign of inhuman pain (:
<<<<<<<<<3
My mom has ulcerative colitis and stomach issues run in her family. My brother and I both have stomach issues as well...
I'm sorry for you.
Wow, I can't even imagine...Its almost like you are forced to have a eating disorder, except it isn't an eating disorder
I thought you were talking about an eating disorder, but it's Crohn's Disease. While a skinny person can be healthy, most people I know don't assume that at first glance. I hope things get easier on you.
Im sorry to hear that, but thank you for sharing
Thank you for sharing your story. I realize that it must be very difficult.
I have IBS, its not nearly as bad as it used to be, but yeah, I feel ya.
thank you for sharing <333
best of luck
you can model at 5'5 :)
good luck!
I know exactly how you feel. I've been diagnosed with Crohn's for a little over a year now and my dad has it as well. Being a Pre-Med student, the stress seriously kills me. Luckily the 32894234089732 pills I'm on seem to be working, but the flare-ups still occur when the stress levels are beyond imaginable. I'm glad to see that you're doing somewhat okay, but I too hate all of the comments about how skinny I am. Since I'm tall (5'10) I always get that "you should be a model" crap. It's so frustrating. Anyway, hope things improve for the two of us!
I have flare ups now and again. Every first day on a new job the jitters got to me, right before I ever got on a plane I'd have to run to the bathroom among other episodes. I was really bad in 8th grade b/c I was being teased a lot about really stupid things. It got to my stomach and ever since then whenever I get stressed out so do my intenstines. It's horrible to deal with. I hope things get easier for you. Thanks for the post.
I'm so sorry that you have to go through all of that. That's horrible.
Not to be one of "those" people, but you may want to try Chinese medicine - particularly acupuncture. I have a different auto-immune disease and it has really made a huge difference in my symptoms. Truly unbelievable, really.
I wish you the best of luck and I hope you are on the road to recovery and to getting back to your healthiest weight.
"P.S: I want those 10+ pounds back in the form of my boobs, ass, and muscles that I used to have."
^LOL (:
i would love to have boobs & an ass ):
My boyfriend has severe IBS.. they thought it was Crohn's at first because it was (and is) so severe. He is a little over 6 feet tall and only weighs 130 pounds. He'll gain a couple of pounds and then he'll have a flare and lose 5 pounds.
You're not alone. It's always good to have a support group and great friends. And your sense of humor is excellent. :)
@AnonymousXGrl@xanga - I actually have a friend who had cancer a few years back. She said Chinese medicine was the best treatment for her which eventually led to her cure.
I would hate to be in your shoes. No matter how much I want to lose weight, I'd never want to lose it that way.
I'm sorry you have to go through this.
I was diagnosed along with my cousin four years ago - I always thought Remicade sounded like rat poison! Hang in there.