Sunday, 29 November 2009

• Why You Should Eat Human Flesh!

  

  Oh wow! This was my speech from last year, it actually makes me laugh when I remember how disgusted all the ninth graders were. It could have been much more graphic, but they still were mortified. I won second place for my grade though. It was a fun speech topic.

  In case you were unsure, I do not ACTUALLY believe in the consumption of human flesh. I just can see possible benefits.

  "The sandwich on your plate looks friendly enough, full of your favourite vegetables and a delicious smelling meat. You take the sandwich in your hands and allow yourself to take a bite - yum. The taste of tomatoes and lettuce is beautifully complemented by meat, which you discover to taste like pork. In a moment of wonder you question your companion on the identity of the meat. He chuckles as if he knew that was coming and kindly tells you the meat you just consumed was not some crossbreed pig, but human flesh. It has been proven that Human Cannibalism has existed since the Neanderthals roamed the earth in the Paleolithic era. Cannibalism has been practiced for many different reasons in the past ranging from famine to religion to culture. However, our modern eyes can only see the stubbornly human ethics in such behavior. Even the word cannibalism is enough to make some recoil in disgust or horror, but why?  Cannibalism is not the demon which many people assume it to be and has many positive benefits for the human society.

  "Cannibalism would greatly reduce the pollution in our ever deteriorating environment. A major contributor to the pollution of our world is the transport of food via trucks, trains, ships and planes. Unlike the location specific animal meat, humans are found throughout the globe. Cannibalism is a partial solution to earth threatening issues such as global warming. In addition to reducing harmful emissions, the eating of human flesh would eventually lead to a decreased population. This can be explained by a simple syllogism. If humans cause pollution and the amount of humans is decreased, the amount of pollution will be decreased as well. With fewer humans there would be less car exhaust, less factory smoke and less garbage in landfills. Cannibalism is a method of recycling, taking a deceased corpse and preventing it from being left to decay and rot underneath the ground. Without the need for graveyards, there would be more land open for environmentally friendly places, such as parks and conservation centres. These reasons are incentive to those who care for the environment to consider a simple switch in diet to protect the earth.

  "A final advantage to switching to a cannibalism driven society is the decline of animal cruelty and the riots relating to it. A state of peace would be achieved amongst animal rights activists due to the reduction of slaughtered animals. As human flesh becomes part of humanity’s diet, the amount of animals killed for food would decrease greatly. Animals would be left to roam the land as nature intended, killed only in defence or for clothing. This could also convince vegetarians to convert from herbivores to omnivores. As a vegetarian, the belief is often “I won’t eat a living creature that had no choice in becoming the meat on my plate”. This logic would not hold up in the debate of cannibalism when the subject either died naturally or made a conscious decision. Cannibalism offers some unique benefits to the animal world and the people passionately involved.

  "In addition to improvements for the earth, human flesh has many health benefits for a cannibal. Humans eat to gain nutrients, which stay in their body for some time to provide the body with energy. These nutrients would be present in human flesh and would thus reduce the amount of food necessary to meet the daily requirements for a healthy person. With less food necessary, it is entirely likely that obesity would slowly decline as people realized how little they needed to eat. In addition to the numerous nutrients and proteins gained from human flesh, animal-borne diseases could be reduced. With the consumption of humans, careful screening could separate those who carried disease from those who were food safe. We have a much better understanding of the human anatomy than we do of chickens or cows and from that could determine whether the specimen was fit to be eaten. Cannibalism offers personal health as well as global benefits.

  "A more obvious, yet important, aspect of cannibalism is population control. There are two ways in which population control can be exercised through eating human flesh. The first method is the discouraging of reproduction for more conservative couples. Undoubtedly even with the encouragement of cannibalism, some would still be appalled and would be less likely to want a child to be subjected to such measures. This mindset would definitely help many to embrace safe sex. Worry not about the lack of food, for many would embrace the usefulness of cannibalism. The second way to help with over population is reducing the number of humans by consuming them. The humans selected to be eaten would be those who are not productive members of society. This would not only thin out the amount of people who are living their lives in misery, but would also free up space in over crowded cities for those who enjoy their lives and are contributing to a better future. There would be strict guidelines for the selection of human meat majorly relying on the input of the candidate. This would also provide a government approved method for suicidal people to put their death to good use. In defense of processing the recently deceased into food, consider organ donors. It is socially acceptable to take the organs from the deceased for the benefit of the living, which is the same concept as providing nutrition via the flesh of the dead. This can be viewed as giving the now unneeded flesh to someone who can make use of it. Whether it is by limiting reproduction or by donating and recycling flesh, cannibalism has the ability to aid in the growing crisis of over population.

  "923 million people across the globe are hungry at this moment and human cannibalism could be the solution. The legalization of cannibalism offers ways for third world countries to solve their widespread hunger. Struggling countries would have the benefit of being able to cultivate their own food and distribute it amongst their people. Human flesh is a renewable resource and is common across all populated areas. This abundance of flesh would provide for easier nutrition and cheaper meals for struggling families. These families would be able to invest more money in other areas of their life besides food and therefore live a much more satisfactory life. The consuming of human flesh will allow starving families to provide food for their children and save money for other survival needs.

  "Whether one wants to save the environment, improve their health, reduce the overpopulation, end world hunger or find peace with animal slaughter, human cannibalism is the perfect solution. The many benefits and solutions to the problems of this modern age are contrasted only by the weak argument of ethics. There have been many proposals to save our civilizations damage, yet none as effective as human cannibalism.  As Abbie Hoffman, an American activist, said “I believe in compulsory cannibalism. If people were forced to eat what they killed, there would be no wars."

  So what do you think? Can cannibalism solve some health problems (and some environmental ones, too)? Could cannibalism be a healthy lifestyle?

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