Tuesday, 09 February 2010
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My Battle and Recovery: Bulimia
For the past 2 years (or more) I have been saying that I am recovering from bulimia. That isn't exactly true. My body was in recovery but my mind was still obsessed with every calorie and gram of fat. I was still weighing myself dozens of times a day and if the number went up or stayed the same then it was time to exercise until my body collapsed from exhaustion.
Now, for the first time in a long time, I am happy. This strange new emotion of happiness takes my breath away at times. It has been so long since I have truly felt happy. Now I actually feel like I am really recovery from this monkey on my back called bulimia. It has only been about a week since my last binge and purge but I have found that I have the ability to eat a normal meal and not freak out. I still have a lot of weight to lose (doctor's opinion, not mine) but I now know that it is possible to lose the weight in a safe and healthy way.
I am eating 3 normal sized meals a day, but I am making healthy food choices and taking my exercise the way that my doctor recommended 20-30 minutes a day, 3-4 days a week. There are even days that I don't even count the calories or fat. I have found that sitting down and having a meal with my children can be an enjoyable experience. I have fount that there is no need to weigh myself over and over, it is just a waste of time and completely pointless. Now I only weigh myself once a week. I am losing 1-2 pounds a week, which is a healthy amount to lose.
I want to lose the extra weight so that I will be healthy. That is the goal... healthy. My old goal was to lose at least 5 pounds a week so I could become thin. I really don't care about thin anymore, my only concern is healthy. After all I do want to live long enough to see my children have children of their own.
I feel that this time I am really turning my life around. I even did something that I have been wanting to do for a very long time. I am a student again. I have enrolled into a freelance writing course. I like to write even though I'm not a great writer, but that is the whole point of the course...to make me a better writer. I am really looking forward to it. I haven't been this excited about starting something new in a very long time. And I thank God everyday for everything He has given me.
RECOVERY IS A WONDERFUL THING!
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About the Author
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- From: path_2_redemption@revelife
- Name: Carla
- About Me: I am a stay-at-home mom of two wonderful children. However, I am not just their mom, I am also their teacher. I have been a home schooling mom for close to 5 years. I have also recently started teaching the 1st and 2nd grade Sunday school class at our church. For many years, I was a lost soul but I feel I am finally on the path_2_redemption.
Stats: This Week All Time Posts: 0 1 Views: 0 757 Comments: 0 14 View all posts by path_2_redemption@revelife
Comments (14)
Way to go, my sister. You’re doing all things through Him Who strengths you.
I know that habitual behaviors have way of clinging. If you slip, I hope you take encouragement--and nourishment.
I feel like a snack. (Please forgive my facetiousness. I’m one of those naturally skinny who can eat like a horse--but I have other besetting behaviors.)
awesome. i'm glad you did it. i just keep running in circles over and over. i hope to change thoroughly someday. rock on.
Recovery is about finding your voice. It's not about food at all. It's not about weight. It's about root issues. It's okay to be not happy. It's okay to be angry. It's okay to be happy. When you recover you might not be happy. You may feel a spectrum of feelings. You're supposed to. You've been covering them with food and weight for so long.
Here maybe this will help. Eating Disorder Chronicles Part II
i wish i could shake my bulimia too...mine was never abt losing weight though...it was never abt grams of fat..i have been anorexic and orthorexic pretty much all my life. it was my fear of food and 'bad' calories, how it affects my metabolism and heart. i work out for at least an hour every day, and i can eat right too..but when my mom puts carbs in a source of protein i purge. when she puts ordinary oil in the salad, i purge, when i see she hasn;t skimmed the soup, i purge, when i have had one cashew, one apple, one carrot too many, i purge...cos i feel it will affect my body badly.
my bmi is 16.7 and it;s never gotten higher than 17.8, i have been to rehab, on pills, seen numerous shrinks...but i still obsess.
i;m probably wired all wrong.
happy recovery!
Aww, girl keep it up!
Recovery is a wonderful thing and very freeing. I'm still there...
<3333
amazing job <3
bulimia is super hard to recover from.
keep it up!
keep going ! :]
Amen girlfriend! my mom died from anorexia and I am currently recovering myself. you are working hard towards recovery. but a week from stopping the B/P cycle is only the first step. the first step of recovery is stopping the symptoms altogether...good luck and God bless!
:) Well done! This is beautiful. This is hope. This is the future. <3
I admire your strength so much...congratulations, you deserve a life free of that awful disease!
@wrybreadspread@xanga - @StillNotaPrettyGirl@xanga - @FallingSafely@xanga - @kaos_calle@xanga - @irishluck20@xanga - @Femme003@xanga - @NoMoreThinSpos@xanga - @iloveeeyouuuuu@xanga - @princessremy@xanga - @x0itwasAlegend0x@xanga - @SoGodHelpMeWA@xanga - @hopethatitglows@xanga -
Thank you all for the comments and support. <3
Yay, recovery!