Monday, 25 April 2011
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Lyrics Describe Pain and Suffering in Abusive Relationships
"Love The Way You Lie" by Eminem and Rihanna are possibly the most powerful songs I've ever heard.
Take a look:
This morning, you wake, a sun ray hit your face, smeared makeup as we lay in the wake of destruction
Hush baby, speak softly, tell me you're awfully sorry that you pushed me into the coffee table last night so I can push you off me
Try & touch me so I can scream at you not to touch me
Run out the room & I'll follow you like a lost puppyI suppose some people, probably younger girls, could look at it and think maybe it's a good thing to be in a relationship like that, like Rihanna and Eminem are glamorizing domestic violence. As someone who knows many friends or friends of friends, in this EXACT same relationship, this was a very brave and honest song about the realities of domestic violence.
He says he won't do it again, she knows it's a lie, so does he. He says he doesn't keep count of the times he has hit her, but she doesn't know how many times she's hit him either. Like Eminem sings in Part I: "Next time I'm pissed I'll aim my fist at the dry wall. Next time, there will be no next time. I apologize even though I know it's lies."
These particular people in relationships Rihanna and Eminem describe, thrive off drama, fights, hitting, power and even the makeup sex afterwards. In cases like these, the women (usually the ones thought of as the victim in DV cases) couldn't live her life any other way. In Part II, Rihanna sings: "'Cause you feed me fables from your hand, with violent words and empty threats and it's sick that all these battles are what keeps me satisfied."And it's so true. People assume (while in many cases it's true) the victim hates being in the relationship, but they see no way out and can't escape. I know someone who has been in a relationship like the one the song describes for several years. She has been bashed, bitten, held over bridges and everything in between. I have seen her fresh from a beating and it wasn't a pretty sight. Even though she's escaped his wrath before, she always went back to him. This time was no different; a few hours later she was back with the man who just beat her.
That story is just one I personally know very specific details about. And although it gets to me that a man could do this to his woman and think it's his "right as a man," in circumstances like this, I just can't feel sorry for the victim. They chose to live like that. And maybe the "victims" aren't as violent as the offender, but a lot of times they are emotionally and mentally torturing.The violent ones are usually perceived as the bad guys, the ones who bash their spouses are the ones who cop the brunt of other's opinions. The person who throws the punches, no matter what, should be 100 percent to blame, but I see a lot of women who love the fact their men have power over them, who love crying to their friends about how their boyfriend/husband bash them, who love the attention they get over these mental and physical beatings and who love the sympathy. Just like the song, some of these people both crave the attention, the fighting and the drama in their lives. I do not feel sorry for anybody in this scenario.
I do in NO WAY condone domestic violence. This post was to talk relationships and domestic violence in regards to both parts of "Love The Way You Lie." I am not talking about all cases of DV. I am talking about these particular cases that Rihanna and Eminem sing about. DV is horrible and no person should ever allow themselves to be in a relationship like the one above, and should not self doubt themselves about their worth as a person.Nobody should have to be put in a position to be physically and emotionally hurt by the people they are in love with. If you're in an abusive relationship, no matter what kind, be it mental, physical, or any other kind, none of it is okay.
Do you think things in the media like songs or television shows accurately portray domestic violence?
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Comments (4)
Wow. I didn't read this, but my eyes were drawn to the red, and then blinded by that same colour. Ouch.
As someone who just got out of a dv relationship I can't listen to that song. And, I don't think that song depicts the "normal" domestic violence relationships. In this song, both parties are at fault. That song is more like my cousin's relationship. They both yell, scream, fight, throw things but they choose it. One of them isn't "stuck" there like most victims feel. My old relationship, I didn't do any of that stuff unless he was trying to rape me. Then I would try to fight him off. Every other time though I was to scared to try and fight back.
personally, i can't say i've been in a relationship like this (i had one instance where a guy friend/interest attempted 'rape' but i got away from him.. eventually), but i don't think you should say that you don't have any sympathy for these people. sure, they may be actively living this lifestyle, but who says they chose to be this way? it's not normal, and it would seem quite unhealthy.. it most likely stems from earlier abuse or something along those lines; why else would it be considered acceptable? or maybe, it had been a one-way thing for a long time, and then the other person began to fight back rather than to leave... many people feel like they just can't get out of the situation. i'm not trying to say you're wrong because fuck if i know, but i'm not sure if you can really say that if you're standing outside of the relationship and only watching from the sidelines. very good post - i read it last night (i think?) and i couldn't stop thinking about it today, hahaa. thanks girl, nice reading material(: xo
I guess that sometimes it is hard to understand what a particular relationship is like unless you are really experiencing it for yourself. You will never be able to understand the complexities of a relationship as a 3rd party, and thus perhaps we are in no position to judge people for the way they behave. There might always be things we do not know. My chiropractor once encountered a patient with such a relationship and it did sound very sad indeed.