*WARNING: Some parts of this blog are rather graphic.
Reader discretion is advised.*
I'll never forget the day. February 13, 2007 it was. A close friend and music student of mine just had a baby boy and we were talking over dinner. She was bragging about how perfect he was and during that conversation it came out that he was "intact." Never hearing this term before, I inquired about what that meant. When she explained to me it was the correct term for "uncircumcised" I was horrified! For you see, at the time I was adamantly pro-circumcision, but didn't have any of the facts. What she went on to tell me that night over dinner changed my perspective on circumcision forever, and changed my life forever.
When she shared her literature with me and as I read it, I began to realize just how completely and totally wrong I was about circumcision. There aren't many things I've been wrong about in life (I can count the number of things I've been wrong about on one hand), but this is one thing I will admit I was ignorant and completely wrong about. When I read about the functions of the foreskin, how much more sensitive intact men were, and how much more pleasurable sex was for intact men, I had a mixture of feelings come over me: anger, depression, resentment, hatred, among a number of other things. Long story short, it drove me into a deep depression.
I would go on to try to remedy the situation by trying non-surgical foreskin restoration
, and to try to get back what I lost. Unfortunately, there's no getting back everything, as I found out by reading the literature, but I could get back some of what I lost. So began a two-and-a-half year long journey of getting up every morning and placing a device on little Mr. Happy to stretch the remaining skin.
I want to say I was about a year into my restoration journey when it finally hit me like a ton of bricks just how much of my natural sensitivity was taken from me. I had about 1/2 flaccid coverage at the time, and making great progress with my restoration. I was in the shower when I went to retract what I had and rinse under it (just like every intact man should be doing on at least a daily basis), and what I felt was like an epiphany. I was so sensitive that I could literally feel every individual bead of water as it came into contact with my glans. It was enough to stimulate me to erection and I left it there for awhile, almost leading me to orgasm. It felt really good, I have to admit. Never before had I experienced anything like this, and my penis had never been so sensitive.
The experience was bittersweet in that I was finally starting to come around and gain back some of what was wrongfully taken from me, but it made me even more indignant at the same time. Knowing it was my father who insisted on the procedure and had it done against my mother's will behind her back, I knew exactly who to target, and I went after him with a vengeance. It was in September 2008 that I finally got the cajones to confront that sorry bastard about it, and that's precisely what I did. I grilled him hard and demanded an apology. Alas, that never came, and the altercation quickly turned physical. It ended in me incapacitating him and sending him straight to the ER, which to this day I do not regret. THAT should tell you how angry I was (and still am) over it.
Another year would come and go and by August 2009, after two and a half long years, my restoration journey was complete, having taken me on the foreskin coverage index
from a CI-2 where I started, up to a CI-8, my goal number. I had gained so much sensitivity, sensation, and pleasure, plus my orgasms were more intense than ever before, and to this day I retain all of that newfound sensitivity. I'd say compared to my previously circumcised state, I'm about three times more sensitive now.
The journey doesn't end there, and another year and four months would come and go, so now it's December 2010. My father is deathly ill with severe kidney disease now, and is in desperate need of a kidney transplant. From known records, I'm the correct blood type as well as a 5/6 matching donor. Now, my father has done a lot of shit to me and my family, but I'd say that alone probably wouldn't have been enough to deny him. What ultimately pushed me to say no to him was his unwavering, unapologetic choice to chop off the most sensitive part of my genitals. He died shortly thereafter, and I didn't care, and I still don't care.
Since my father's death, I've managed to find it within me to forgive him for a lot of the shit he's done, and have made great progress in doing so. However, I still have not been able to find it within me to forgive him for having me cut, and truth be told I may never, because despite having gained some of my sensitivity and pleasure back, restoration is incapable of restoring the numerous (about 20,000 or so) nerve endings in a natural foreskin, and I will NEVER be able to enjoy sex as much as a man who was never circumcised to begin with. That knowledge will haunt me until the day I die, and though I've made strides in coping with that fact, I've already accepted the fact I'll never be completely over it. There will always be a certain level of pain and anger associated with it, even though it's managed to subside greatly since my restoration journey ended and my father's death.
I write this as a clear demonstration of the physical and emotional effects this surgery has on men, and I know for a fact that I'm not the only man who feels this way. Is it really worth the negligible "health benefits" to subject a kid to this (no other country but the US does this procedure for so-called "medical" reasons, and for good reason)? This is why I advocate for a worldwide ban on circumcision that would inflict the highest punishment known to humankind upon violators. If I can save men from going through what I've gone through (as I always say, I would have much rather been aborted than circumcised), I've done my job. No religious exemptions either; kids often times choose a different religion from their parents, and certain religious ceremonies are already illegal anyway (human sacrifice, for example). This is a human rights issue and one I take very seriously and will fight to the death for (seriously, if I end up getting assassinated fighting for this, I'll die with honor and dignity, and no regret).
The anger in me rages on, and always will....Where do you stand on the circumcision debate? Are you pro- or anti-circumcision? Is it a human rights issue?