*WARNING: Some parts of this blog are rather graphic.
Reader discretion is advised.*
I'll never forget the day. February 13, 2007 it was. A close friend and music student of mine just had a baby boy and we were talking over dinner. She was bragging about how perfect he was and during that conversation it came out that he was "intact." Never hearing this term before, I inquired about what that meant. When she explained to me it was the correct term for "uncircumcised" I was horrified! For you see, at the time I was adamantly pro-circumcision, but didn't have any of the facts. What she went on to tell me that night over dinner changed my perspective on circumcision forever, and changed my life forever.
When she shared her literature with me and as I read it, I began to realize just how completely and totally wrong I was about circumcision. There aren't many things I've been wrong about in life (I can count the number of things I've been wrong about on one hand), but this is one thing I will admit I was ignorant and completely wrong about. When I read about the functions of the foreskin, how much more sensitive intact men were, and how much more pleasurable sex was for intact men, I had a mixture of feelings come over me: anger, depression, resentment, hatred, among a number of other things. Long story short, it drove me into a deep depression.
I would go on to try to remedy the situation by trying
non-surgical foreskin restoration, and to try to get back what I lost. Unfortunately, there's no getting back everything, as I found out by reading the literature, but I could get back some of what I lost. So began a two-and-a-half year long journey of getting up every morning and placing a device on little Mr. Happy to stretch the remaining skin.
I want to say I was about a year into my restoration journey when it finally hit me like a ton of bricks just how much of my natural sensitivity was taken from me. I had about 1/2 flaccid coverage at the time, and making great progress with my restoration. I was in the shower when I went to retract what I had and rinse under it (just like every intact man should be doing on at least a daily basis), and what I felt was like an epiphany. I was so sensitive that I could literally feel every individual bead of water as it came into contact with my glans. It was enough to stimulate me to erection and I left it there for awhile, almost leading me to orgasm. It felt really good, I have to admit. Never before had I experienced anything like this, and my penis had never been so sensitive.
The experience was bittersweet in that I was finally starting to come around and gain back some of what was wrongfully taken from me, but it made me even more indignant at the same time. Knowing it was my father who insisted on the procedure and had it done against my mother's will behind her back, I knew exactly who to target, and I went after him with a vengeance. It was in September 2008 that I finally got the cajones to confront that sorry bastard about it, and that's precisely what I did. I grilled him hard and demanded an apology. Alas, that never came, and the altercation quickly turned physical. It ended in me incapacitating him and sending him straight to the ER, which to this day I do not regret. THAT should tell you how angry I was (and still am) over it.
Another year would come and go and by August 2009, after two and a half long years, my restoration journey was complete, having taken me on the
foreskin coverage index from a CI-2 where I started, up to a CI-8, my goal number. I had gained so much sensitivity, sensation, and pleasure, plus my orgasms were more intense than ever before, and to this day I retain all of that newfound sensitivity. I'd say compared to my previously circumcised state, I'm about three times more sensitive now.
The journey doesn't end there, and another year and four months would come and go, so now it's December 2010. My father is deathly ill with severe kidney disease now, and is in desperate need of a kidney transplant. From known records, I'm the correct blood type as well as a 5/6 matching donor. Now, my father has done a lot of shit to me and my family, but I'd say that alone probably wouldn't have been enough to deny him. What ultimately pushed me to say no to him was his unwavering, unapologetic choice to chop off the most sensitive part of my genitals. He died shortly thereafter, and I didn't care, and I still don't care.
Since my father's death, I've managed to find it within me to forgive him for a lot of the shit he's done, and have made great progress in doing so. However, I still have not been able to find it within me to forgive him for having me cut, and truth be told I may never, because despite having gained some of my sensitivity and pleasure back, restoration is incapable of restoring the numerous (about 20,000 or so) nerve endings in a natural foreskin, and I will NEVER be able to enjoy sex as much as a man who was never circumcised to begin with. That knowledge will haunt me until the day I die, and though I've made strides in coping with that fact, I've already accepted the fact I'll never be completely over it. There will always be a certain level of pain and anger associated with it, even though it's managed to subside greatly since my restoration journey ended and my father's death.
I write this as a clear demonstration of the physical and emotional effects this surgery has on men, and I know for a fact that I'm not the only man who feels this way. Is it really worth the negligible "health benefits" to subject a kid to this (no other country but the US does this procedure for so-called "medical" reasons, and for good reason)? This is why I advocate for a worldwide ban on circumcision that would inflict the highest punishment known to humankind upon violators. If I can save men from going through what I've gone through (as I always say, I would have much rather been aborted than circumcised), I've done my job. No religious exemptions either; kids often times choose a different religion from their parents, and certain religious ceremonies are already illegal anyway (human sacrifice, for example). This is a human rights issue and one I take very seriously and will fight to the death for (seriously, if I end up getting assassinated fighting for this, I'll die with honor and dignity, and no regret).
The anger in me rages on, and always will....
Where do you stand on the circumcision debate? Are you pro- or anti-circumcision? Is it a human rights issue?
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Comments (382)
and let the war beginnnnn.
@sassypenguin@xanga - I know, I was just about to say so myself. xD
Uhhhhh all I have to say is WTF
@fightingXstronger@xanga - I bet they'll overlook the point of this post and attack him again, for not giving his father a kidney. He already posted about that. It shall be interesting to watch.
Hate it.
It's very rare when I make a comment like this, but you are an absolute moron.
I can understand that you were upset over something you had no control over, but you do realize that your father was just doing what he thought was right at the time, right? Back then it was thought that circumcision was much better than an uncircumcised penis for a variety of reasons. Yes now we know differently and we know that there is no real medical reasoning behind getting circumcised. I honestly feel very sorry for you and the fact that you're going to have to live your life knowing what you did to your dad.
About circumcision, my husband and I only recently (within the last couple of weeks) have changed our minds about getting our son circumcised. I think that it's a personal decision for every parent to make, but after a lot of research we felt like it wasn't the right thing for us.
@sassypenguin@xanga - Yup yup. I shall make some popcorn, then. xP
I guess I should say something more constructive than "let the war begin"
I think it is super interesting to hear a man's perspective who actually regrew his foreskin so that he could revive some sensation. This way he knows both sides of the argument and can actually decided which he likes better. Most men are one way, stay that way, and say that way is best without knowing the other side. Lets overlook the dad part of it because he already made a post about that in which many people voiced their opinion. I don't think that was really the point.
@sassypenguin@xanga - Well, I included that to show the emotional consequences. Incould have just talked aboutthe physical, but that's only one aspect. Actually, the physical is easier to deal with than the emotional, ink were to be honest.
@StatelessPilot@revelife - I would have thought a man that realize what he doesn't have would feel a sense of loss, not so much anger.(obviously I would have noooo idea haha just harmless assumption)... I know that it is very real to you, but I don't think many other men would blame the person that made the decision to that extent. Since I don't think other men would react emotionally the same way, I look more at the physical aspects. But then again, I'm not a man so I wouldn't really be able to relate to the emotional side of it all. I understand why you put that in there, I just hope people can see past that part and actually pay attention to the fact that you are a man who was circumsized, recovered the foreskin, and made the conscious decision of what you want to be.
@sassypenguin@xanga - Loss is a big Part of what I felt/feel definitely. Maybe it's just my personality type that causes me to feel primarily anger though, who knows. That said, over 70% of foreskin restorers report having resentment/anger toward their parents.
@StatelessPilot@revelife - really? I would have never known, honestly haha. I really found this very informative and normally I don't ever agree with you at all but I really respect this post, and want you to know that! I would have never cared about this issue - because I don't want kids so I won't have to make the decision - if it wasn't for my nephew. The doctor botched his circumcision. At one point at a few months old it had started growing back. He had a deformed foreskin that scabbed and bled. He had a second surgery to remove the rest of it. Again, he has it healing abnormally back into a foreskin. I wish they would have left the poor child alone. If they can't fix it, he will be ridiculed in locker rooms and probably by women for the rest of his life.
I would have been very upset if I were a circumcised male, too. I think a worldwide ban on circumcision is a good idea, but I vehemently disagree with your desire for revenge and violence.
Just let people chose what they want to do, whether it's stupid or not...
I'm so anti-circumcision it's not even funny. So is my fiance - we were actually having a conversation yesterday about our decision to leave our son intact, should we be blessed with one someday. He is uncircumcised! I think that human bodies are perfectly fine as they are and ought to stay that way. However, in certain religions, I can understand why they believe what they feel is right. In that case, I've no place to judge.
This is coming from a woman with no religious background whatsoever. Also, I've written college papers about female circumcision in places such as Somalia, and that gets pretty graphic. That's a whole 'nother ball game, though.
This was a very informative post, and i enjoyed reading it.
but my jaw dropped when I had read you deciding not to donate a kidney to your father ultimately because of his decision to have you circumcised. I can see you were angry, but... I don't see how anyone could do that, especially when it involves the life of another person, solely over being bitter about not being able to have the best sex?
sorry, i'm not meaning to be rude, i guess i just can't understand that amount of anger. >.<
but, this post did actually open up my mind about leaving my son(if i ever even have a baby) uncircumcised
is this post for real? the whole kidney thing is just too much
wow..uhh..no words. christ. i'm uncircumcized and i hate it. wayyy too sensitive. hell, you could've taken my foreskin if it would have saved your father's life.
Leave it to a man to think that his penis is more important than his father.
I am anti-circumcision all the way. I don't even believe in religious circumcision of infants. I believe it is a human rights issue. I also believe any male over 18 can do whatever he wants to his penis.
Now, as to you. I'm guessing that you are taking your anger against your father and feeding it into your "manhood". I don't think that is very healthy at all. I'm very, very sorry your family chose to do this to you. I have two intact sons and I made very sure they were not cut as it was a fear of mine. I suggest you seek professional help for this issue as I think it will help you release some pent up anger. (I assume you haven't gotten help, if you have I'm sorry I assumed you didn't.)
Now, your dad and your kidneys. No one ever, ever is under any obligation to donate an organ to anyone. Not ever! I certainly can understand that your father was so cruel to you that you didn't want to take the risks. I think that is perfectly logical and anyone that doesn't understand that is just not logical. (lol) But, IMO, you seem to brag about not giving him a kidney and that kinda makes you look like a poor sport. I think it's your anger. So, you might want to work on that too. Your anger is probably justified, but do you consider it healthy for you to have so much anger still?
All I have to say is I'm really glad I didn't have my son circumcised...