Wednesday, 06 July 2011
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Discussing Underage Drinking With My Sister
Saturday was a beautiful sunny day and I decided to take advantage of it by driving to the beach. I drove some of my friends there, including my 14 year old sister, who was meeting up some of her friends.
My friends and I settled in and my sister found her friends. They were just a couple of feet away from my group. After playing a game of volleyball I went over to my sister's group to see if everything was okay. Everything was NOT okay. Almost all of my sister's friends who are around the same age as her were drinking from a beer can.
I was shocked and angry. My overprotective-sister mode kicked in and I sternly ordered my sister to get her things together and make her way back with me. As we were walking back to my area one of her friends yelled to me, "Stop acting like an old lady." I didn't turn around.
I said to my sister, "I don't want to know what you did, but don't do it again." She was clearly embarrassed. At that moment, that was the best way I could confront the issue.
I was well aware that some of her friends drink occasionally at birthday parties, but I had never seen it with my own eyes. I always advise her to stay away from alcohol because she is so young and it's terrible for her body and if she ever has questions about underage drinking to speak to me first.
When I was her age and in my first year of high school, none of my friends drank alcohol nor did any of my classmates. It's weird to me that teenagers are beginning to drink at this age and I'm not sure as to how I help my sister understand that she should drink when she's of the the legal age and more knowledgeable about alcohol. I know how she feels; I've been in that peer pressure position before, but how do I convey that to her?
I considered telling my mom, but that would be breaking my sister's trust. I'm just not sure on the right way to protect her.How would you handle this situation? At what age were you confronted with the issue of alcohol?
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- From: Olympia
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Comments (42)
I didn't even consider drinking when I was 14. I didn't even try alcohol until a few months ago.
When my sister turned 13, I reminded her that if she EVER considered drinking, that she MUST not EVER come home after that. She better sleepover at a friend's house. I also reminded her that people come home pregnant or with presents such as STI's. She wasn't thrilled with it. My advice has paid off for the past four years!
You're probably more likely to be successful helping your sister if you talk to her about drinking safely and responsible rather than bluntly 'forbidding' it... She isn't going to not drink just because you tell her not to, she is just going to take extra measures to hide it from you... Get her trust back, apologize for embarrassing her, tell her that if she is going to drink it is her decision but talk to her about moderation and making smart decisions AND TELL HER TO CALL YOU IF SHE EVER NEEDS YOU TO COME GET HER NO QUESTIONS ASKED
@organelle@xanga - I'm with you.
Kids start drinking young, these days. Some people grow out of it, and some people get sucked into it. I started when I was 13 but was smart about it. I never got caught, I got straight A's, and I got sick of it by 18.
It doesn't matter if lots of kids do it, the law still says the drinking age is 21, and she can get in trouble. Talk to her about it, explain why drinking at a young age is bad for her, what could happen, etc. It might be her life, but the choices she makes in her life affects everyone around her, especially her family. Her friends might just want her to have fun, but will they be there when she gets into trouble? It's usually the family who has to clean up the crap. (I know personally--I have a younger brother)
You're a good sister for being protective in this crazy world. Let her know that you care about her.
If anything just explain it her to in a logical manner-she will get arrested for underage drinking. Period. Don't throw in your personal opinions too much, just the facts will do.
Also try to be understanding about it too. Just because you didn't think of doing it at her age doesn't mean she is somehow a bad kid. Speak to her about it, answer any questions she might have and refrain from lecturing and getting too emotional. When I was a teenager anytime people started doing those things I would automatically ignore them and not be able to take them seriously. It's an adult topic so talk to her about it like an adult.
@organelle@xanga - I agree.
Kids drinking young is not a new phenomenon. It has nothing to do with kids these days and everything to do with kids being rebellious. When I was a kid and I lived in Germany, my friends and I used to buy beer when we were 9/10 years old. We'd buy 1 beer each and hang out under the cherry trees. We didn't even do it often because it wasn't a big deal, and we I didn't think it was such a big deal until I moved back to the US and alcohol was "forbidden". The biggest thrill about underage drinking for me was the thrill of doing something illegal. If the US were like Europe (especially in the 80s), I doubt I would have drank as much in college or even high school. Once I turned 21, drinking became boring again. The best thing you can do is talk to her about the consequences of underage drinking, and being responsible.
my younger siblings and i have an unspoken rule: if they get too drunk to come home, i will pick them up from anywhere, any time, no questions asked.
...... unless i'm wasted too. then we're all just screwed.
Coming from someone who starting drinking when they were 13, the larger issue at hand are the friends your sister hangs out with, not alcohol. No matter how "good" a group of friends are (whether they're nerds, jocks, or just regular teenagers) every group is exposed to alcohol and weed at one point. Whether this group of friends chooses to get drunk every weekend and pressure those around them or they choose to abstain from drinking is what you should be focused on.
The fact that you caught them in the open, drinking on a public beach and the rude comment the friend made to you shows me these "friends" are not going to pass up parties in the future nor do they respect those that choose to not drink. I'm sure your sister is a nice girl, but if she continues to hang around these friends she's going to get herself in alot of trouble like I did all throughout highschool. That's not to say your sister might not go to a couple of parties, but if her friends think it's okay to drink on a beach in front of people when they're only 14...legal trouble will soon follow.
In that situation I'd be pretty upset but I'd wait to say something until afterward. I think it's right for you to be upset, though. 14 is too young. 16/17, okay, that's normal - but 14 seems too young. Some people are still in middle school at that age! Maybe it was just the area but I know that plenty of my classmates began as early as 11 and 12, but that's still no excuse. Those 11 and 12 year old drinkers I still know of mostly have serious problems now.
My family it's extremely strict and you DO NOT drink or you will suffer the heavy, drastic consequences, which we aren't sure of but don't want to find out. So I don't blame you for not telling your mom. I think it's just a sibling thing. But hopefully she can make friends with people who have their heads screwed on a little more - learn to drive and get accepted into a college before you tap a keg aha. If anything emphasize that if she's drinking to sleep over, not to drive (when she's old enough) home.
I believe I was fourteen when i first tried alcohol and it didn't matter, my parents found out the day after. I think you should talk to her about it nicely and just be what an older sister is supposed to be, a trusted friend.. I believe that you are not her mom and that you shouldn't be laying down any rules for her because she will more than likely go against them (I am a younger sister and have done this plenty of times.)
I would however tell your mom if you catch your sister with it again or in the proximity of it. Its one of the things you can do as a sister to protect her, even if it "breaks a sisters trust" it will one day come back again if she is any bit understanding (i know from experience). My sister told my parents about the first time I ever smoked and it was a ONE time thing and I even told her I regretted it. Maybe its a different situation but I love my sister for doing it and it made me trust her more.
i'mma lock my children in a tower.
I drank twice when I was 13, got slightly tipsy, (both times were with parental permission, as I was being supervised) and haven't drank since, by choice (I'm 15).
I plan to never drink again, obviously I cannot tell the future, but that is my plan. I have decided that I will never drink, smoke, take any form of drug (non-medical, obviously)
Personally I think teenskids need to hear just a couple of simple words: "It's okay not to drink if you don't want to."
I don't drink in the US because one it's considered underage and I know the side effects on a teenager. When I'm in other countries where the drinking age is lower I have a few sips here and there at special occasions but never much because of my braces.
@Erika_Steele@xanga - European Methods FTW :)
Did she actually drink any though? You don't mention whether she did or not, and you say her friends were passing it round while she was embarrassed. So isn't this assumption on your part?
I would explain the perils of drinking, educate her so if she does drink she will understand safety and moderation, and then leave it up to her. Also if her friends start a social habit of drinking, then you can explain to her that if she has other friends she could just as easily hang out with them while that group was getting drunk. Give her a chance to explain herself first. You have got to open and supportive, otherwise she will not trust you enough to tell you the truth. If you clamp down, she will lie to you, and you will be rebelled against in exactly the same way as your rents.
Fourteen year olds drinking isn't a new thing...
I'm a bad sister, I let my younger sister drink some of my alcohol sometimes.
P:
lol i would have called the police and left with my sister then let mom and dad handle her god help any of my younger siblings if they get out of line. My little brother is 18 but he knows better and mom keeps tabs on him and chaperones when she feels its nessesary like prom and friends parties she will hang around if she isnt compltetely comfortable and knows there are other responsible adults around. Its one thing for a parent to let a kid try a sip of wine its another to host a part and allow alcohol to minors. My older brother and i didnt try any drinks at all untill we were 18 and those were by parent and family but only a sip to try. I think my older brother has actually been drunk once and he was 23 i got drunk when i was 21 and dont care to be that far gone again. My younger brother had a thing for beer when he was little (3-5) dad couldnt sit one down in his reach we would turn around and he would be tipping it back like apple juice lol. My dad has been every night my mom has a drink maybe once every three months if that. I appreciated knowing what different alcohols tasted like in case i was ever in a situation where something was spiked. With some alcohols its harder to tell if its in something and if you cant identify it you could end up in trouble lol. My hubby doesnt like alcohol at all he will try something once in a while but doesnt have any taste for it.
Underage drinking with friends is a different thing tho there is no one there to watch over a kid and drinking that age can lead to other things like drugs and sex it really doesnt take much for one thing to turn into another. It may not happen the first few times but things can spiral. I plan to keep my kids close to family and appoved of friends who i know have good parents thats what mine did and i appreciate them for it.
I started drinking when I was nine because I had a cousin who was a teenager (she wasn't the best role model). After awhile though, I realized that drinking was dangerous, especially around people you don't know if you can trust. Also, the appeal wasn't there for me anymore when I got older.
I never ever considered drinking in high school. [My closest friends (except the wild child one) didnt either. I didn't even know my peers drank till junior year..] Of course, college happened... but even then... I really only drink if I think it'll be a good part of experiencing a night. Like at an awesome dance party the art kids have at their co-op house. Haha.
I can count on my fingers the number of times I drank this past school year. I think I handle myself responsibly with alcohol because when I first tried it, it wasn't under a pressure to do so like it usually is in high school.
My sis is a freshman and Ive talked to her about it too. She's not interested, so it makes it easier for me. As for your sister, she's obviously interested too early. Telling your mom might cause her to react by rebelling more i.e. continuing to drink so I wouldn't tell your mom. You two talk amongst yourselves and you tell her what your experience was and why it might work forher too. She prob already discovered that drinking is fun. In this case, she quite simply may not quit because you want her to, so maybe instead introduce her to the idea of moderation and balance.
I think the two of you will have a better bond if you be real with her as opposed to playing mom on her.
@ifangelsflywhycanti@xanga - Right, not every person turns dumb when they drink at a young age, and not every person gets liver damage when they drink, but I certainly don't think children should be making that decision to take the risk on their own. It's almost the same thing as letting children smoke, which is also illegal and harmful.
How is she supposed to start drinking when she's "more knowledgeable" about alcohol if she's not drinking?
My father let me and my brother drink under his supervision when we were younger. That's how we became knowledgeable about alcohol.
(Granted that did not keep me from drinking to excess as a teen).
If you like it, do it. It's not like she's getting plastered and going out for a spin.
Such a silly stigma against drinking. Even less justifiable than smoking age limits.