Tuesday, 23 August 2011
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"One Day" - A Toxic Movie?
I just read this, an insightful article about the new movie One Day.It's rare when I get obsessed about the idea of a movie, but this one has me. And it has me the wrong way. As the article gets into, it seems this epic romance is predicated on some toxic foundations and trite gender assumptions.
The basic idea, as Kristy Punchko, the author of the evisceration of the film, gets into is that the movie assumes women are required to better themselves in order to be worthy of a relationship--and then to use that achieved "betterment" to help the guy.
Unfortunately, I believe this a trope in the stories that our culture consumes: the story of the necessary transformation of the girl from "ugly"-duckling to helpful, redeeming swan.
What it reflects are our societies' general assumptions and values of relationships. These assumptions and values are inherently, as Punchko recognizes, toxic.
They lead to a co-dependent idea about the relationship between women and men. That women need men to deem them worthy of love and men need women to redeem them. Either way, this is not a healthy landscape for love.
And if you're thinking, "it's just a movie," then take a moment to think of how the films of your youth affected you, how they played on your emotional configuration and dreams. (Anyone else still waiting to grow legs and get "out of these waters"? No? Just me? Ok.) There has to be a reason these types of stories, in book form and film form, have an audience today. We have been at the whim of their devices since we started watching and reading them. They imply an ready belief in their validity.
So I think this is a call to watch romantic tearjerkers, romantic comedies, romantic "chick flicks" with a critical eye and ask how they are: a) portraying relationships and b) how their portrayal is acted out in our own lives and our own expectations about love.
It would be reassuring to see a story of a female heroine who self-actualizes, and uses that self-actualization to forge a life on her own terms, by herself. Without the validation--or "ultimate" reward--of a man's love. That, maybe, there is a another love that is worth making sacrifices for: the love that comes from self-acceptance.
That is a story I'd pay money to see.
What do you think about this? Do you think a movie can be "toxic?"
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About the Author
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- From: funnygirlblues
- About Me: I am a 6'1" girl trying to put my life together in New York City. I love to write, read, cafe hop, and swim when I have the chance. I believe good health has its foundations in good mental health, and do my best to keep that in order as well. Everything's a work in progress.
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Comments (37)
i think it's just as "toxic" for you to believe that a woman who self-actualizes must, apparently, end up single. being with my SO has changed me only for the better. i don't feel validated or rewarded. i'm simply happy. i cannot say i was an ugly ducking, but i was definitely a worse person. nor can i say that i wouldn't have changed eventually without him. but why does it matter what someone's motivation for change is, so long as you're blissfully happy with the outcome?
you just come across as bitter. the only story you'd be happy to see is one in which a woman remains alone? why? what does that inspire you to do, exactly?
Why are people reading into things so much? Especially when they come to "read between the lines" when there is NOTHING between the lines?! It's JUST a movie. I LOVED (and STILL do) "The Little Mermaid" as you alluded to that movie. It's always been one of my favorite Disney movies. I have NEVER thought the way you're thinking of it. I simply got caught up in the wonder of it all. Should I also read something into the message of not eating fish? Because the fish were all singing? Should I believe that mermaids exist because Disney had it in a movie? Let's be realistic here.
Why aren't people critiquing "Saw" 1-100 the way they do the Disney princesses? (On another ish site today.) The way you are critiquing romance movies? People watch movies to be entertained. To escape realities.
The image of men (like Prince Eric in "The Little Mermaid" & Edward in "Twilight" etc, etc) in some of these movies are not realistically portrayed either. These two examples I give have well muscled men, with great skin tones, perfectly in place hair, velvety voices, selflessly devoted to their ladies, never having a thought for themselves. I don't know of ANY man like that. Yet, do I get all uptight about it? No! Why? Because when I watch those movies it's nice to get away from the annoying realities of how real people (men in this example though I don't limit it to such) are in real life! It's entertainment & a temporary, healthy escape. Nothing more.
I think when someone takes a movie a little too seriously, it can be toxic. But luckily, movies are just a form of entertainment for me. To get away from the reality of life for a couple hours, to laugh and cry for my amusement.
@MyTwoCentss@xanga - I love The Little Mermaid, too! Some people need to lighten up and remind themselves what the purpose of a movie is for.
seeing as he found her attractive to begin with, i dont see it. even what was it... a year later he even told her that if he had been ready for love/ serious relationship, she would be who he chose but at his young age he was too busy screwing anyone who wanted him. at least he was honest with her. so no i dont think this movie was toxic. it was a shitty movie yes but not toxic in its message to people. -_- he saw her for her beauty AND personality from the start but he just wasnt ready for love yet. something that is common in the dating world this day and age. she also became her own woman, on her own. she decided not to marry this guy who adored her because it wasnt right, no love. she went to publish her own book and become successful all by herself. she "forged a life of her own" herself. in the end him coming to her was just the icing on the cake. plus, this IS a love story... what do you expect. -_- its kind of an unfair story to even judge in those terms.
One Day taught me not to fall in love with my best friend, because *****SPOILER******* you'll get hit by a damn bus (you can take this for what it is, or read between the lines and create your own philosophical bus).
Sure, movies can be toxic, if you want them to be. But One Day was basically this idea where (((more spoilers))) two people who didn't know they were meant for each other find out they were meant for each other later in life (like 35). They live separate lives, but constantly stay in touch. He gets married, has a kid, gets divorced, and finds out that she is the love of his life. They get married, and one dies. The one living is then miserable, falls into a relapse of their younger days, getts thrashed in a bar, and the kid that one had earlier hates them for it. Then they decide it's not enough, and live their life the way the dead loved one would've wanted them to live, and then it's just a reflection for 20 minutes. That's not a toxic idea. It's a rather dumb idea which sprouted a pretty terrible movie (Anne and Jim are lucky they are on my favorites list), but it's not toxic.
Sometimes there is nothing to read. People over-analyze too much. Even I know when to calm down on it.
@pointe_x_x_shoes@xanga - Not always true. I'm dating my best friend and it's great but it also has to do with a lot of factors too as well.
I would pay money to see a movie about a self-actualizing women as well, without having to watch a selfish, self-destructive man turn up again and again. (I really wanted to watch the Alice-out of wonderland, more than Alice in it; but there is so much disappointment in movies sometimes!) It is not a woman's job to save a man, but if she does happen to inspire a fool from afar, excellent! Is it possible that, if looked at from one day a year, or whatever angle, the goodness of a character still shines through? Even if both are, in the end, lost in the plot...
okay there are plenty of movies with the opposite view of this. Where they guy is the prince charming type, he has all his stuff together, and saves the girl. So finally someone makes a movie about a girl having her life together and comes and bails out the guy for once and now everyone's undies are in a twist. Hmmm it seems like no one can win.
You stated 'women are required to better themselves in order to be worthy of a relationship--and then to use that achieved "betterment" to help the guy'
Was is required or was is just her choice? 'worthy of a relationship' if that was the case why would she feel like her worth was less than the best? Why would she feel like she needed a guy who needed to become 'better'?
Okay who wants to be in a relationship with someone that is dragging them down, why did she pick that guy? Is she only changing her outward appearence, or is she changing her self from the inside? Maybe if she is changing her interself, she feels the need to reach out and help others. If I were her I would find someone who was my equal instead of trying to be with someone who wouldn't be able to support me in the long run. Meaning I'm giving all of myself to him, but there is no way for him to be able to better me also. Relationships need both a strong male and female to work. Yes a lot of times women are the ones who have to give their guys a little push to reach their goals. In marriage and relationship betterment is co-equal. If one person in the realtionship is down they are going to pull you down too. But if you both are headed toward the same goal. It's like steal sharpening steal, it can only become better for both of you. You can become stronger together. That is the real purpose of marriage. Strengthening each other together for the purpose of life. If you can't support and better each other the relationship will fall apart. A balanced relationship has Jesus in the middle, drawing you toward each other in a balance way.
maybe the moral of the story is to live life, because you can't control people's actions, and you can't take back your own. So just live.
Well hello, pop psychiatry!
Look, love is something that should be earned. I certainly earned my husband's love, and being with him has caused me to change for the better. It was the same for him! I have to say that I don't really understand the notion of two extremely independent, "self-actualized" people loving one another exactly how they are, with nobody changing their life or minds on anything. That's... pretty sterile, and it basically reduces the relationship to nothing more than sexual release. Growing, changing, working hard to be worthy of your mate- these are good things!
And just for the record, there are plenty of movies where the guy is the one who has to make all the changes.
Bottom line: If you're looking to Hollywood for life guidance, you're in trouble. Movies are for entertainment, and sometimes to make you think. To take them as life's rule book is a huge mistake.
as many times as i've seen advertisements for this movie, [they're everywhere] i haven't ever been interested in seeing it because i just don't like their relationship. it seems too much like he's way more important to her than she is to him. maybe that's just me. i dunno. still not going to go see it.
i have never seen the movie, but I think it is healthiest to try and be the best person you can be alone before trying out a relationship. And then when you ARE in one, it should be with someone who inspires you to better yourself. And you should to likewise for them
Ummmm...
would you settle for a videogame from waaaaay back in 1991. Where, by the end, a female heroine
self-actualizes, and uses that self-actualization to forge a life on her
own terms, by herself. Without the validation--or "ultimate" reward--of
a man's love? And moves on with her life.
http://www.vgmuseum.com/end/arcade/a/streetchun.htm
:D
I get what you are saying, though I can't exactly agree that it's necessarily bad for a woman to 'have' to change for a man, or vice versa..
Call me old fashioned but that is what love and marriage is about IMO- compromise.
I do not think you're reading too much into it; when people say 'it's just a MOVIE' I think they don't really understand how easily we can be influenced. People tend to think they aren't going to be changed at all by what they are watching/listening to- but we are talking about subconscious influences. That means you DON'T notice. We as humans, LOVE to imitate; no matter how free thinking and independent people like to make themselves out to be it is one of our strongest instincts. When you grow up watching movies that have the same type of romantic theme over and over again, you are definitely bound to form some very subtle, subconscious ideas about love and romance in line with that theme and likely repeat the pattern in your own life WITHOUT being aware of it.
.Carrie Ann.
that movie you were talking about...Eat Pray Love?
@pointe_x_x_shoes@xanga - Hahahaha, I agree. I remember when she died in the book I yelled, "What?! Are you kidding me?! So what was the point of this journey of theirs if she freaking DIES?"
intereresting article. I haven't seen the movie or read the book, but this was an interersting article and it made me think about what I'm striving for.
"It would be reassuring to see a story of a female heroine who self-actualizes, and uses that self-actualization to forge a life on her own terms, by herself. Without the validation--or "ultimate" reward--of a man's love. That, maybe, there is a another love that is worth making sacrifices for: the love that comes from self-acceptance."
When you reach self-acceptance, what would happen next? Would you be alone for the rest of your life? Would you find someone? If you did find someone, how would you avoid the "trope."
Very interesting article.
This is just like people saying that a picture of a model in a magazine seriously impacts a girls self-esteem....
It depends on whether this standard has been internalized. If women want to believe in this BS, they will and there will always be an audience for it....just as there will always be those educated, aware women that see this stuff and call it what it is.
I STILL, however want to see this movie. That doesn't mean I'm supporting it. It means I want to be entertained.
@mirrorslie@xanga - I didn't even read the book, and after watching the movie, I'm glad I haven't. I'd have thrown the book or something, haha. My cousin and I laughed in the theatre when she got plowed. Her sister was the only one that actually liked the movie.
@pointe_x_x_shoes@xanga - hahahah, I was just like "did they really just show her get run over??" but i cried because i was already upset over something that day, and the whole idea of the movie was just... unfortunate.
I remember when I saw Gwyneth Paltrow in Sliding Doors I was really bothered that she had to find out her boyfriend was a cheating waste of space before she got a grip on herself and became a real adult. And THEN I was bothered that becoming a "real adult" for Gwyneth's character meant getting a short haircut, couture clothing, better makeup and a party-planning business. It was a very similar message. Once she looked like a model and had a successful, appropriately feminine business she was finally worthy of a decent relationship and, naturally, gets hit by a car for her trouble. Eh, no thanks.
It always cracks me up when I see responses to these kinds of posts and people say, "Geez, people THINK too much!" I guess those who are thoughtful about things that people consume, and who bother critiquing them, are just making up for the people who don't bother using their brain. It's too bad that we have that kind of ugly anti-intellectualism that says, "Don't think too much; it's bad for you." Blech.
"It would be reassuring to see a story of a female heroine who self-actualizes, and uses that self-actualization to forge a life on her own terms, by herself. Without the validation--or "ultimate" reward--of a man's love. That, maybe, there is a another love that is worth making sacrifices for: the love that comes from self-acceptance."
YES. I just saw this film today and the entire time, I was thinking, "Anne Hathaway, are you crazy????????" Her character is smart and although she takes her sweet time in getting around to working at her goals, she constantly looks for Jim Sturgess' character's approval. His character is a spoiled, arrogant asshole who has nothing appealing about him whatsoever aside from a nice wardrobe and a cute face. I am sick of these movies where the women throw themselves at the male leads in order to "win" in the end. Fuck that.
I believe that's the reason why, for example, "Eat, Pray, Love" was such a failure. She spent the entire movie working on herself and proving she could go without dating and without a man in her life. And in the end, she failed. Happy movie ending? No. It's a fucking annoying cliche. FINISH WHAT YOU START. Kim Kardashian: you said you wouldn't date anyone this year. Now you're married. You're just like the rest of this BS.
I don't think this is overreacting. This is a reoccurring theme in most hollywood movies and it is SO tiring. You may think these are all for fun and entertainment, but the themes and messages in these films sink into your subconscious. I am so annoyed and upset with Hathaway choosing such a poor movie role.
I think P.S. I love you sends a positive message while also entertaining. I can't really think of any others right now..
Toxic or not, it's a friggin' movie. If we nitpicked at every movie to make sure that it doesn't give off any sort of negative idea, there wouldn't be much to make movies about. It's up to each individual to be conscious about how a movie - or rather, media and society as a whole - affects them, not the movie-makers' responsibility to be paranoid about whatever they put in it. They just seek to entertain us and make money.
Stop blaming the owners of fast-food restaurants for your obesity, the size 0 models with boob jobs for your insecurities and movie scripts for your expectations regarding your love life. You have to take personal responsibility at some point or another.