Friday, 23 September 2011
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How and WHY You Should Let Go of a Grudge
We've all had problems with people-- whether it be an argument with a friend, disagreement with our parents, or even our coworkers. But it might be in your best interest to get things sorted out-- because holding a grudge can is not only detrimental to your relationship, but also to your health.
Holding a grudge has become such a significant problem that is now a diagnosis: "post-traumatic embitterment disorder, or PTED, for those who can't forgive the people who have wronged them." Why you should let go of the grudge, and how you can let go of it?
Why you should let go:
Some health factors involved include high blood pressure, elevated heart rate, and risk of heart disease. It is also noted that negative emotions sap your energy-- making you even more tired throughout the day.
How to let go:
- Vent to another friend -- When I'm upset and I confront that someone or vent to a friend, I feel much better: I get to release my stored feelings, and also get another person's point of view, which is an opportunity for me to realize that I was in the wrong too.
- Remember you're not the only person who has ever been wronged -- Everyone's been wronged, and (surprise) everyone lets go sooner or later... Isn't it better for you to just let go sooner?
- Know that holding a grudge does nothing beneficial to you -- you holding that grudge has no benefits. Period. It's not healthy to be bitter about something in the past and let it hold you back. You can't get stuck in the past when there are so many other things in the future!
- Confront that person -- you'll probably realize that the other person had apologetic feelings, and that there was a misunderstanding between you two!
How do you let go of a grudge? Have you ever been wronged and felt justified to be upset? What do you think?
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About the Author
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- From: StacyLee
- About Me: Currently a student studying pharmacy-- love to read about health and (try to) maintain healthy habits while being on campus! I'm the girl with the 1L water bottle in the side of my backpack and a coffe tumbler in the other. So maybe I'm counteracting some health benefits... but I'm trying my best!
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Comments (20)
I know that when I hold a grudge, I have a very bad reaction whenever I think about them. I can physically feel my chest tensing up so I know it's not helping. I also get a lot of anxiety over being extremely bitter and angry for a prolonged amount of time. I try to let go of thing faster than I used to because I hate the feeling I get from being so pissed.
I let go of a grudge I held against a few girls I've had since 2006/2007. It feels so good to not wander around thinking about them all the time.
i let go for myself.
I let go of grudges because it takes too much work. If I just don't like them, then I just don't hang out with them or see them much. My ex hated her previous ex and was like "I'll hate him for the rest of my life, won't even mention his name." and she just ends up calling him "that person." I know she hated him, but still... let go of it and move on. People are assholes and some people will hurt you, but you gotta let go of grudges because it will consume you on the inside. I just think "what would Goku, Superman, or Jesus do?" Goku shows mercy to everyone, even to his enemies. My way of getting around things is to not take everything so personally. I mean, it's great to fuck with someone's mind from to time and piss them off like in basketball. But be chill about it afterwards.
Forgive, but not forget,..maybe?
I think people are befuddling the issue here. I consider letting go of a grudge to mean letting go of the associated anger, hatred, etc. with whatever occurred. However, that by no means that one forget what happened.
"Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me". Anger, hatred, loathing, any negative emotions are, for the most part, useless these days. At the very least one should be aware of the fact that your IQ temporarily decreases when your angry. The only time I will ever allow those emotions in is when the accompanying adrenaline rush is useful at the time.
"Letting Go" and "Forgiveness" are two very different ideas and concepts. For instance a rape victim, by no means has to forgive their attacker. They can can let go of the pain and anger though (for the most part) as it will eventually debilitate them and prevent them leading happy and successful lives.
Speaking for myself I come from an immensely dysfunctional household comprised of two addicts, one of which was also an alcoholic, and both were emotionally and verbally abusive. I've held a lot of anger, hatred, and resentment over the years and I can promise anyone reading this, it does not benefit you in any way to remain in such a mindset. I'm likely never going to forgive them but I can, and have, let the emotions go; and I feel immensely better. You are likely justified in your feelings, take solace in that, but that's not an excuse for letting those emotions run you ragged and into the ground. As a wise uncle of mine said, who turns out went through a far worse and significantly more abusive upbringing than me, "Get over it already!".
But venting your bitterness on another person doesn't sound like a desirable alternative...
@StatelessPilot@revelife - Have you ever noticed that you feel blah, or overly angry, or feel like you can't fully enjoy life because you're holding a bunch of grudges? That's how I felt when I still held them towards others. It's human nature to be angry, yes, but holding grudges honestly isn't very healthy.
I've had to learn recently how to separate and forgive easily because I'm in beauty school, where you can't let that stuff affect you. If you hold on to it, you may end up, say, pulling your client's hair too tight or forgetting a step in a hair treatment you have to do and injuring them, which can cause them to never come back or maybe even sue.
So yeah, if I get angry, I think it through and can sometimes let it go entirely in about a day. I used to be much worse-----I'd be angry for weeks at a time!
Letting go of a grudge is definitely the best route, but it's so much easier said than done.
Meh. I don't think about my ex on a daily basis, but when I happen upon pictures of him on fb, or am reminded of him, I usually scowl. It's been two years since we broke up, but he's just really not a good person and I despise that people like him exist and aren't conscious of the many things they need to do in order to become good people.
How am I supposed to get over that?
I've always been a firm believer of forgive, but not forget---but even I have my limits on what's truly forgivable. I think it all depends on what the circumstances are.
That said, there is a definite negative sensation to grudge keeping for me. It's almost like a sickness and I don't like experiencing it. I'm not easily angered, but I do have my triggers. I try very hard to let things roll off my back. Some things stick, and when they do, I write purposefully for therapy, but I don't think my relationship with the offender is ever quite the same because I'm forever wary of what's been done.
I forgive but I never forget. I know it's not healthy, but after a person does something horrible to me, I'll never treat or think of them the same.
I'm slowly trying to let go of my grudge toward my brother. The less time I am at home, the easier it gets definitely because he isn't adding onto the issue. Also, for the longest time I refused to let go because he never apologized for anything he has ever done. Then I discovered when it came to certain situations, I felt the same. I would never apologize because I felt right in my utter rage and anger, that it was not my fault. While it unfortunately means that now BOTH of us probably need help, at least I now understand my brother better through my own struggles and can continue trying to let go of my grudge.
@mL4ever928@xanga - I
actually think that is a good thing. There is nothing wrong keeping in
mind "yeah, this person wronged me at some point" as long as you have
forgiven them and moved on. People change, but not often enough, and its
a lot easier to deal with something if you expected it.
a girl i was friends with slept with my boyfriend, knowing we were dating. then she tried to claim that he raped her. The rape thing set me off more than anything. I was very mean and malicious to her, and now that I look back at it, I went about it the wrong way and I honestly feel bad. I've even been thinking of apologizing to her about how I acted, even though I legit hate her and know that she won't apologize to me.
That's why God says to forgive, in the Bible (Bible verses about forgiveness: http://devotionalchristian.com/bible-verses-forgiveness/). Whoever said that the Bible doesn't cover everyday life situations was wrong.
@my_horizon@xanga - delete him from Facebook? Or hide his updates?
@StatelessPilot@revelife - Stress is a natural human response as well...Doesn't make it good for you.
@Stanelle@xanga - i agree.