Thursday, 03 November 2011
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What to Do if Your Friend Has ANY Sort of Mental Disorder
Mental disorders are hard for the person living them. Life is a constant battle against your mind. If your friend has a mental disorder don't try and make them feel guilty or burdensome. Telling someone that their panic attack is embarrassing you won't help anyone in the long run.
If you friend/family member has a disorder, you should:
- Encourage them. Different things work for different people. For some people therapy is all they need, some need a combination of that and medication. For some individual therapy works great and for others a group is comforting because it is nice to have the support of people going through the same things. Don't ever look down on someone for getting help. There is a stigma in our society about mental disorders, so don't go making them feel worse about it. Instead be proud that they are taking active steps towards functioning normally.
- Hold them accountable when they screw up. This is a tricky one. Everyone gets better at a different pace. But when someone hurts them-self, whether they cut, drink excseivly, engage in random/ emotionally damaging sex/relationships, ostracize themselves, it is never okay. Don't yell at them for their behavior but don't write it off. Remind them that getting better is a process, and their will be times along the way that they mess up, but hopefully they have learned from their mistakes and can move on a better/wiser person. But if they are doing something dangerous, don't be afraid to report them. No one can help them if they are dead.
- If you can (or if it is appropriate), be a part of their process. Drive them to therapy, talk to them about their plans, if their therapy includes a certain diet or exercise regime offer to do it with them. We all know that it is hard to get up and start exercising, now imagine trying to start a routine while depressed. Go running, encourage them to go with you.
- Be patient. Bones don't mend over night and neither do people's minds. It's a very slow process and it's frustrating for everyone, so try your best to be patient.
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About the Author
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- From: splinter1591@xanga
- About Me: This is Splinter1591, also knows as Splinter. I am who I am, and that is all that I am. I am a student. I am an alcoholic I have GAD, depression, and occasional panic issues. I am working on becoming better. I currently go to school to study teaching and am seeing a boy who I call my dear radish. I have fallen in love, messed around, grown up, and I've grown down. I love most everyone and I hope you all are well.
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Comments (50)
I'm an alchoholic. My friends encourage me by drinking with me. Best friends.
No medication. That's a scam. Natural healthy dieting and peaceful existence can work out any such disorder within a person who's willing to commit; conditional on being possible. OTOH, medication may be purposeful where proper dieting isn't feasible. Most foods that are supposed to be healthy are junk foods now. But people are finally getting what needs done done so that people have a fair chance to provide healthy foods.
@jasonwl@xanga - Try explaining that to a schizophrenic.
If your friend needs medication, then please encourage them to get it. And it's like you said--don't ever look down at them. Everyone in this friggin' world is screwed up in one form or another. That's just the way life is.
@bloggicus_maximus@xanga - Exactly right. There are things that even nature won't do much good for.
Sometimes people with disorders just need someone to listen, not judge, and simply be there. They just need to be heard.
Just be yourself...they need to know you won't judge, you'll help in anyway you can, and that the friendship is not different.
@jasonwl@xanga - keep an open mind. You wouldn't tell someone with diabetes that their insulin pump is a scam
its hard some times. My SO is bi-polar and when he has "episodes" its soo extream. I dont always know how to react especially when he hurts himself in front of me or threatens to kill himself. Therapy hasn't worked much and he's afraid to try meds. but he is getting worse and worse and its hard to be supportive when he hurts others. :/
listen to them. don't judge them. sometimes, they don't even want advice. they just want someone who'll listen to them.
Personally, I'm staying on my meds.
And I'm allergic to healthy. xD
(Mcdonalds, anyone? I'm hungry!)
Agree with @hopethatitglows@xanga - just be yourself!
We're all humans, right?
And even if you don't have a mental disorder you probably have your own issues, hehehe.
@splinter1591@xanga -
Uhh, he might just do exactly that lol!
I've had one of those health nuts tell me I shouldn't use insulin and listed a bunch of herbs and crap...
I'm paying over 200 bucks a month for medical supplies when some oil of oregano will cure my diabetes! GOSH I'VE BEEN SCAMMED.
Seriously though, if you've got a bloody mental disorder and you need medicine to live a contented? happy? sane? life.. then by all means, take your medicine!
@xFatallyFlawed@xanga -
Holla at me, let's go to the MacShack!
I could go for an egg mcmuffin.. one of those hash browns, and an extra-large iced coffee.
YUMMY YUMMY YUMMY I'm lovin' mah tummy!
@splinter1591@xanga - It's not an argument against it when needed. But our environment has been altered in unhealthy ways to make disingenuous medicine perpetually profitable. High fructose corn syrup, a sugar replacement, has been found to be a major contributor to diabetes as well certain other health issues. Do some research on natural health solutions.
My suggestion would be to let them find out what works for them treatment-wise and then support that decision. If therapy or natural cures work for them, don't push them to try medication. If medication works for them, don't preach at them about needing to find a natural cure or "just get over it." I find it absolutely infuriating when people tell me this. Unless you have lived a day or even an hour inside that person's head, it is NOT your place to tell them they are going about treatment the "wrong" way.
I've had OCD and depression since I was 12 years old and I tried everything: faith, church, changing my diet, exercise, supplements...but medication and therapy are the only things that finally brought me peace and made my life a hell of a lot less fucking difficult. So when people try to preach at me about natural cures or religion, I get rather passionate about it. Try being someone with an actual mental disorder for years and then tell them that medication is a scam. You would probably get your ass kicked.
@jasonwl@xanga - Listen...take it from someone who is mentally ill. I tried every solution possible to try treating my anxiety from exercising to reducing stress to changing my diet. It didn't help. It took a year or more for my therapist to say trying was enough for medicine. You have no right to tell anyone that medicine doesn't work until you've been in their place. Since I've been on my medicine I can finally live my life. I'm not falling behind in college. I don't fear going out or being in crowds. I'm happy. I love my life. It's a huge place from where I was last year. The last thing someone with a mental disorder to hear is your type of crap that you probably know nothing about.
Unfortunately, everyone does not get better. I think this is a very important point. Some see imporvements, some can find treatments that work for them. Some can find a cure. But for some, there is nothing left to try.
"But if they are doing something dangerous, don't be afraid to report them. No one can help them if they are dead."
While it is true that no one can help them if they are dead, you cannot assume that they could have been helped while living either. If you know your friend is going through some kind of trauma or recent depression flare up, then by all means, Baker Act them. However, if your friend has spent years dealing with their mental disorder and has exhausted the standard treatment protocols and can calmly and thoroughly explain their reasons for wanted to die, you need to respect their decision on the matter.
My best friend from high school eventually was diagnosed with acute schizophrenia and eventually we fell apart :\ I feel like a failure as a friend. At the same time it got so bad at certain points that her condition hurt me and dragged me down with her, and eventually I couldn't stay with her. She would become severely distressed, manipulative, and aggressive when she was having problems. I loved her every other time, but like someone above said it's hard to be supportive when she's hurting herself, you, and other around you >__<
I have a bunch of problems, but I refuse to take medication for them. I'm a classic case of bipolar disorder, manic one minute and ready to blow my brains out the next. I can be extremely happy for a few days with no direct cause, and then feel like dirt for a week or so when my life is going great. My depression always lasts longer than my manic episodes of high energy and endless optimism. I know that this happens, I recognize when I shift stages, and I deal with it in my own way. I DO NOT and WILL NOT take pills to "fix" myself, because I believe a person is born how they ought to be. I was born this way, and if I die this way, that's alright with me. If my personality causes me to committ suicide, that's what will happen. I won't force other people to follow this belief because some people value their life more than I do. But to me, I'm just another person in the world and whatever happens, happens. I just refuse to poison my brain into submission when that's a part of who I am, and suppressing who you are is something I've learned the hard way to NEVER, ever do.
So, from a person with a family history of mental illness and addiction problems, I can honestly say I never encourage people to get help, but to do what they feel is right for them. If they feel suicide is the only option, who am I to stop them? If they want to drink their liver away, it doesn't do me any harm. That is their choice, and no one, not even someone with the best of intentions, has the right to take that choice away. I can try to explain to them that there are other things to look forward to, that life gets better, and that they just need to work through their episodes the way I do, or learn how to resist the temptation of addiction, but chances are, if their heart is set on doing something, none of that jibberish is going to get through to them anyway. People need to help themselves in whatever way they feel is necessary. Forcing someone to get help... I'm not a fan. I think that with practice it's possible to control yourself, no matter what the circumstances. But each person is different. Some people might truly believe they can't do it by themselves, thus actually making it impossible for them, and decide use drugs to help them. But these are the people who hate themselves so much, they want to be someone else... drugs are the mask they hide behind so no one can see their true face. That, to me... is a very, very sad way to live.
But, as I've said, I'm an advocate of doing what you feel is right for you. If you can't convince yourself you can overcome your vices, by all means, search elsewhere. But I tend to believe people have more power over their bodies than they realize, even when something's not quite right. It helps to believe in yourself, and believe in your ability to regain control. I know first hand that it's a difficult thing to do, but the option is always there, whenever you decide you're ready.
xX Ame ~*~ Hana Xx
@anchoredreams@xanga - Learn to love and live as God intended and all that goes away with no medication at all. Peace comes from within and knowing the truth that your only true worth is based solely on how much you love yourself and others as yourself. Knowing this truth, one can be at peace in all situations. http://www.counsellorpublishing.com/
Peace.
@jasonwl@xanga - I love and believe in God as I have for 19 years now. I believe God has a purpose for everything on earth and medicine isn't an evil. Shut up unless you've walked a day in my shoes.
@anchoredreams@xanga - I've been in those shoes since my earliest memories and couldn't understand why or how to get out. But I got out without medication. Mine was far from the most severe people have to deal with. But through a lot of soul searching and praying to God for wisdom and to show himself to others I found peace and am finally whole.
@Broken_Black_Moon@xanga - I like your point of view. I agree, for the most part, as one fucked up individual to another. I oftentimes wish my parents just let me die from my eating disorder when I was 17 instead of committing me because life just went downhill from there.
"Normal" people don't understand us "mentally ill" people. I feel like their therapies and medications and theories and all that is based on the fundamentally flawed principle that we actually WANT to be cured. Many people want to feel better (generally negative disorders like depression, anxiety). Some just don't (generally ones with reinforcing manic or psychotic stages like bipolar or schizophrenia). In my experience the cure is often worse than the disease. I'm bipolar, so the meds for that suck. I've been on anti-depressants, mood stabilizers, anti-psychotics, they are all so much worse than my fluctuating moods. I did fairly well on meds for a while (I took over 20 pills a day at one point), but then I realized that it just made it so my life was a LIE and that they were CONTROLLING ME and not letting me see the world for what it really was. Drugs just numbed me. I never really felt anything. I lost my personality and creative talent because of those meds. I became a hollow shell of a person. I thought I wanted to be "normal" but normal just wasn't in the cards for me. And now I can't get it back.
I had a really awesome manic episode the other night. You don't feel that good from any sort of illicit or licit substance. That is ALL ME and it is MINE and I don't want them to take that from me. One manic episode is like that insane high that's all you need to convince yourself that your depression isn't so bad, because the high is coming, at some point. And it will make it all worth it. Drugs can't compete with crazy.
It's a painful existence to the one suffering and anyone unfortunate enough to care about them.
@anchoredreams@xanga - I do believe there is a purpose for medicine. But there's also an evil purpose to abuse it, and to give patients temporary relief by giving them what the body produces naturally instead of helping them adjust their diet toward foods that help the body do what it needs to do for itself. There's a reason people who have your best interest in mind aren't so profitable in comparison. It's much more profitable to keep people in need of whatever is being offered. They can only gain notoriety in unison with the voices of people they help. They can't afford the vast costs of complying with or pushing against ridiculous regulations that the cheating giants push for. They have proof of better safety than those trying to push them out but legislation is being bought to make it more and more difficult. The occupy movements are pushing for them though and have already won Idaho at least on one point.
@jasonwl@xanga - I am going to go out on a limb here and say you do not have any such condition, or know anyone. Otherwise that statement was just to be controversial and start something. Either way, your statement is false. Diet and exercise can help, but it is not always the only solution.
@comeonalice@xanga - I can't count the number of times I just sat and tried to figure out how to commit suicide without showing too much horror to others. I wanted so strongly to end my life. But there was no way I could figure to do it without adding something negative to others. In the end I realized my chores on earth would be left undone and fought to undue those false emotions; and with tremendous help I finally won.