Monday, 09 January 2012
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"I'm Getting Old"
I hear people say "I'm getting old" all the time. They're often in their 30s, or even their 20s. Normally I mind my manners when people say this around me, but since this is just a blog, I'll just call attention to the elephant sitting in the room:
You're not old, you're fat.
- Old age isn't the reason you breathe hard when you walk up the stairs. It's the M&M McFlurry you scarfed down without even blinking.
- Old age isn't the reason you can't fit into the seats of an airplane, that's because of the peanut butter you eat straight out of the jar.
- Old age isn't the reason you can't see your own penis. Do I really have to explain what's obstructing your view here?
- Old age isn't the reason you sweat out of places you didn't sweat when you were younger. You gained 100 pounds, and now your body keeps itself a lot warmer. You can thank the fact that you've been super sizing your happy meals for the last 10 years.
- Old age isn't the reason your skin is hanging down funny, the fat just pushes it out. That's because you eat a lot of stuff with bacon on it. Don't blame your 1979 birthday.
- You won't die of old age, you're probably going to die of a heart attack.
From now on, either shut your mouth when you're complaining about your health, or just simply say "I'm fat."
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- From: ItIsAllGravy@xanga
- About Me: Blogging is some serious stuff. That must change.
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Comments (28)
how about this.
don't have a sliding scale; stick by your word.if you said 16, 18, 20 or 25 seemed old to you, then have the personal integrity to stick by that conclusion even when you cross the line. face it you are old.
frankly i feel more sorry than resentment for someone who looks down and doesn't see cock, either she isn't going to get laid, or his belly is large enough to eclipse his scrap of manhood... tragic.
the phrase "i feel old" or "i am old" isn't referring to weight but the general disregard towards the social pressures of youth. you're right part of it could be weight, but it also could refer to wearing makeup (adherence to gender role), eating healthy, common curtsy towards assholes, joints being painful (possibly due to low potassium diet), memory problems, et cetera.
if the healthkicker changed the title from somethign involving weight to the "i'm getting old" ignore this.
I'm getting old, and I'm out of shape. It's a dreadful combination. (But I'm not fat.)
@NaitoOfNarnia@xanga - that would be awesome. Especially the part about chocolate beef.