I've lost a ton of weight. Over 100 lbs to be exact. Though I still have a ways to go, I can't help but be irritated at times because I'm treated so much differently as it is post weight loss.
I have always been nice to others, clean, approachable, kind, funny, and caring.
I was ignored before though. I notice every day how I get such better customer service now, and have even had guys pick up the tab without me knowing when dining out.
These "perks" do not make me happy at all. If anything they make me angry.
Why wasn't I worthy of this treatment before? Will it become more obnoxious as I slim down more? Why was I so intimidated to look at cute clothes before because I'd catch people looking at me like, "Honey please like your a$! is going to wear that."?
I've worked ridiculously hard at it. Watching portions and what I eat, not snacking at work since cooks have to taste all day, quitting smoking, working out... There is no miracle cure. It's taken me three years to maintain, and finally lose more weight and continue my journey.
It's scary though! I would never treat somebody differently because of their size. As much as I would love to inspire anyone to be healthy, it isn't my place to tell them unless they were extremely destructive and purposely harming themselves. I get it though! We love food! It is so hard, but having my family I'm happy now that I can run around the park with them and not sit there exhausted by watching them.
I just do not understand why people treat you like you are a completely different person. Strangers are nicer, and friends grow distant.
It's their own insecurities though. My "friends" were happy with me being fatter. It became intimidating to them when I trimmed down, and some even admitted that.
They wanted me to be the fat friend! How freakin' retarded is that concept?!!!!
Do not let anyone discourage you.
Living a healthy lifestyle is not a diet or a quick fix. You'll fail at quick fixes. You need to put a ton of effort into it and you will skin your knees and cry a few times on this journey. I am not perfect. There are days I want to say screw this!
The real perks about losing weight are energy. I would not have been able to work in a kitchen before. Are you kidding me? Standing up for two hours killed me let alone 7-15. I can chase my kids. I feel great about taking care of myself. Those are the perks.
If others treat you differently, it is a perk.
It's easier to weed out the fake people. Good luck! :) xo
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Congratulations on your weight loss! Thats amazing!
And.. I have noticed it as well..... Except not I have gained weight, but when I was thin, I got asked out alot more than I do now. Its sad...
Fat women are not as attractive to men as slender ones. When you are fat, it makes a statement about who you are. Says you are either out of control on your eating habits, or lazy. That you don't care enough about yourself and how you display yourself to maintain a reasonable weight and tone. Yes, there are medical reasons, but those are few and far between.
You would "never treat someone differently because of their size" because you are a woman, and you are pre-programmed to see the person first, not the package they come it. Men are pre-programmed to see the package first, then the person inside. Women who are too thin are just as unattractive as women who are too fat.
Fat women hang out with other fat women so they are not as self-conscious. Slender women hang with fat women so they look even more slender by comparison. And if a male shows up, she gets the attention, not the fat ones. Some heavy women can compensate by their personalities, but a slender woman, even an ugly slender woman, rises to the top of the competition.
I am not trying to be mean or hateful, those are just facts as a man sees them. Show any guy random pictures of women who are scrawny, medium and fat, he'll rate the medium one higher in looks and interest 9 out of 10 times...
Good job! I have to get back on track.. I lost, gained, & want to lose the healthy way now, but it's definitely difficult! I do know what you mean, though, people treat you so much differently when you're thin, I used to get so uncomfortable at how much I was stared at.
Whatever. In the end, it's what you think that matters.
YES. I agree 2,000% with this post and I noticed the same thing when I lost about 70 pounds in college. And I've always been a very shy person, so for me it was getting thrown to the lions. I went from being a literally invisible band nerd to an attractive redhead, and I did not have the social skills to respond to everything the way I should have now in hindsight.
But anyway, like you, it pisses me off. A lot of people say "Well, that's just the way it is." However, that doesn't mean that's the way it SHOULD be. That doesn't mean we need to just sit back and accept it. Don't blame an appearance bias on biology, because that's just lazy (and equally as lazy as being fat, but it doesn't show on the outside, only in your behavior). And I agree with you: when people treat you differently while you're fat, you can weed out the assholes. It's harder to weed out the fake people when they're kissing your ass because you're hot. You have to get better at reading people, and I'm still not terribly good at that.
Oh, and I totally understand the "fat friend" thing too. My friends from high school are still overweight and have never dated anyone, and while I've gained some weight back now, I'm engaged and I've found that and my weight loss has distanced me over the years.
@Ork58@xanga - I think these are only "facts" to a certain extent. I think that using biology and "pre-programming" to explain treating certain people differently because of how they look is just a lazy justification for not wanting to acknowledge a bias or change a behavior that is hard to change. The way I look at it is this: it's hard to lose weight because you have to change your mindset and you have to work every day at it. The same is true with learning to look past someone's exterior: you have to change your mindset, be conscious of it, and work at it every day.
Saying "Well, that's just the way guys are" does not mean that's how they should be. People can overcome certain behaviors by being conscious of them and trying to change them. I just get tired of hearing the whole "biology makes me ignore fat chicks, it's not my fault" line. It's an excuse.
Yes. Yes indeed. I lost around 90 and I have the same observations. I went from being completely ignored and invisible (for years) to constant double takes. It's hard to get used to and still makes me uncomfortable. Do I look back? What do I do with my hands? Is my hair sticking up? For sure my boob popped out. There's something in my teeth. I'm so awkward. Is he still staring? Do I smile? I'll take out my phone and pretend to do something important. As an ignored fat girl, I guess I never learned those skills because no one gave me the time of day.
Luckily I have not encountered as many issues with my friends. However they did accuse me of anorexia for a while.... ugh.
Congrats on the weight loss.
People's treatment of you may not have been an entirely conscious thing. We all like to think that we treat all people equally, but if most of us were videotaped for a day and then watched ourselves later, we'd notice that we don't always.
I think the guys picking up your tabs is more a flirtatious move than anything, and people flirt with people they are attracted to. So enjoy that perk!
But the customer service thing, while it shouldn't have happened, may not always be conscious on the part of the servers. They might not consciously be thinking, "EW! Fat girl! I think I'll be rude to her!" But they might still act on unconscious prejudices without realizing it.
@Ork58@xanga - Nope, sorry the nice guys are NOT like that at all. Grow up.
I have been super skinny, really overweight, and back to skinny. The way people (in general) treat overweight people is horrible. Seriously, when you later encounter some of these people after losing weight you find out their true colors. It is shameful.
And I can totally agree with you customer service thing. As if it is some workers' job to judge someone buying anything! If you are overweight and buy skinny clothes, you really do get that look. If you buy bigger clothes, obviously you are shopping for others. ??? Ugh.
Well, congratulations on losing the weight and good luck!
Yep, this happened to me too. I've lost about 100 pounds in the past two years and I get treated completely different and it makes me angry too! I get hit on all the time, way better customer service, people are generally nicer...It's annoying and I don't know how to react in these situations.
And by the way, congrats on your weight loss :)
@TiredSoVeryTired@xanga - I think it's you who needs to grow up. He's not entirely correct, but what he's saying is, unfortunately, a reality the majority of the time. As humans are physical creatures, it's not surprising that there is a subconscious bias towards those we find attractive, and extreme body types on both ends of the spectrum generally do not fall under that.
I have noticed an insane decline in how men treat me since I've put on weight. It's interesting.
I'm trying to lose the weight I put on, but it's an uphill battle.
Survival of the fittest. I think it comes down to that. (The scientific definition)
@chookiewookie@xanga - I grew up over twenty years ago! The point is that not ALL men think like that, and those that do should grow up and get over themselves. No one has the right to judge complete strangers as not caring about themselves and being lazy and then treating less than they do others.
Hey take a look at this video. Flat out proof that "sexy" women get treated differently and have it easier. It's not related to weight but still...whoa.
http://vimeo.com/12030156
Just thought y'all might be interested. =) @TiredSoVeryTired@xanga - @chookiewookie@xanga -
@AncoraImparo@xanga - Oh, no doubt at all that some men do that! I just think those who are truly nice guys don't.
I've been all over the place in terms of weight. Out of high school I was lean and fit. In college I gained over 100 lbs (sadly, not all muscle). Then out of college I trimmed down, but am still considered "chubby" to most. People do treat others differently based on appearance, not all but most do, that's just the reality of the world we live in. "You can't change you people react to you, but you can change how you react to people," that's what I was taught growing up. I think it's great that you've put in so much hard work to get to where you are, and that you actually understand that it takes hard work to make a change. And true enough about the perks you listed. This was a good post.
...I'm ashamed to admit this, but honestlyI knowthat I would be jealous if my fat friend slimmed down because apart from her weight she is quite awesome... bah. I'm a bad person for that I know, but I think it is human nature?
Some people think fat people are being nice just to make up for their fatness. I'm just stating what I perceive. Some people think fat people are weaker beings for being unhealthy and think lowly of them. Some people are jerks for keeping friends around just because they're fat.
Just goes to prove the majority of men are evil selfish bastards. And girls too I suppose that use friends only to up their ranks in the beauty department. Humans disgust me.
i agree with the content of this post but would appreciate it much more without the use of the word "retarded." just sayin.
I've noticed the same thing happen with me and my best friend. It used to be that she'd get all the attention when she was skinny in high school and I was really overweight. I went from 140 lbs in high school to 118 lbs in college and immediately noticed a change in the way people perceived and treated me. It's a sad realization that no matter how much people try to fight judging others due to superficial reasons, they still do it anyway. On the flip side, my friend went from 90 lbs to 140 lbs and the results were just shocking. Guys used to ask me all the time for her number and now they don't.
It's a sad observation but as women, we can have to put our money where our mouth is at. If we are not buying magazines with covers that have normal sized women on the cover, doesn't that say something about the way we want to perceive ourselves as well? I think the problem with our society lies with the idea that we feel entitled to preferential treatment without having to work for it. However, nature doesn't care how we feel - we need to change our societal paradigm of health and fitness as a whole.
Congratulations on the weight loss! Remember that the biggest perks are the years you are adding to your life, and the gift of a healthy mom to your kids!
Generally being more attractive, whether it is from losing weight or something else, results in better treatment, especially when it comes to attention of the opposite sex. Just kinda a fact of life, and is something we do without thinking about it too much.
@elainer7124@xanga - I feel like your friend would probably look better at 140 (unless she's a short person), because 90 seems a little low to me.