Thursday, 12 July 2012
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The Measure of a Woman
In the past few weeks, there have been an abnormal amount of posts on obesity.I subscribe to the -ish sites, because I enjoy the occasional article, but lately reading them has made me feel even more of an alien in my own body than I already did.
There are so many people who are offended by those of us who they consider to be overweight. Now, I am not going to lie to anyone. I am overweight and I know it, there's no sugar coating that. I have been considered overweight for approximately 90% of my life. It wasn't a gradual change from thin to chubby either, I remember not ever being skinny. I've always been a woman with curves, and that's just all there is to it.Not once since middle school on was I ever able to enter a shop and purchase clothing that wasn't in plus size. This is in part my fault, but also in part to faults of my genetics. I was born with Congenital Hypothyroidism that went undiagnosed until I was 14. It was a minor case, but without medication it affected my growth. Until I started the hormone, if I grew anywhere it always seemed to be out and not up. When I finally did start to mature, it seemed to me that my parents were not in fact the people who raised me, but a pair of giants.
My mother is a relatively petite woman. She's bordering on above average height at five foot seven, and always had a slender structure. My father is also not a tall man, he's barely five foot eleven and he also is of slender build. Upon maturity, it became painfully apparent that I did not resemble each of them. There is a term that is so loosely thrown around, called big boned. "I'm not fat, I'm big boned...." Heard it? Be aware that sometimes this is exactly the case.
Because of my condition, I did not mature until I was nearing the age of 15. But it eventually happened, and I found myself the subject of ridicule. I went from being a short, pudgy kid to being a tall, large woman. And because of this I became the subject of ridicule. The boys liked me because I developed some nice T&A, but only to stare at. And the girls were as cruel as girls can be. I developed an eating disorder at the age of 16, in desperation to be thin and to fit in.
It was only after my starvation diet gave me a pretty nasty ulcer, did my parents realize there was a problem. My mom took me to our physician, who brought in his dietician to talk to me. It was then, at the age of sixteen and at the weight of one hundred and eighty pounds, that I learned the painful truth.
I was /Never/ going to be thin. Not without the expense of good health. As the years go by, there are demographics that are put out that say what the current healthy weight/average size for people should be. This, however, is based on a demographic and is not personalized to you. There are factors that everyone as an individual possess that can alter this to fit you. And while this demographic based chart can be used as a guide, you should always consult with your doctor to find out just exactly what you as a person need to find a healthy lifestyle.
Based on that demographic, at my height I should weigh no more than one hundred and fifty pounds. At one hundred and eighty pounds, I was unhealthy. How is that possible? I was malnourished. My hair was falling out. I looked thin, gaunt, and my blood pressure was atrociously low. My doctor and dietician looked at the size of my bones, and told me that I might just have to sell myself on never looking cheerleader thin. My fingers were long, but large around the second knuckle. My wrists were huge. My femur was long, and very dense. And my feet were some of the largest he'd seen on a woman. My pelvis and hips were big, and my ribcage had a wide diameter. I had huge bones. Thanks to a strong heritage of Scottish, Irish, and other anglo-descent, I was built as them.
I have never been under 200 pounds ever since that day, and while I am still overweight I have learned that there is a difference in fat and healthy. You can be healthy, and still be what the world calls fat. You can be as skinny as a rail, and be one of the most unhealthy people out there. The key is, don't let people judge you. Be proud in who you are, despite your size, and what you do. They may be able to run a mile farther than you, but you shouldn't have shame for just being what you are. And if you decide to buy clothes, or have to buy clothes from a big and tall shop, so what.
Look in history and see the iconic people of the world who would be considered big. People like Marilyn Monroe, who is considered one of history's most beautiful women. Theodore Roosevelt, who was one of our nations most iconic leaders. There's so many more: Winston Churchill, Elvis Presley, Queen Victoria, Benjamin Franklin, Winfield Scott... The list goes on and on.
The measure of a person isn't in the size of their waist, but in the depth of their character.
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About the Author
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- From: IonaLoire@xanga
- Name: Jen
- About Me: "Though we travel the world over to find the beautiful, we must carry it with us or we find it not." ~Ralph Waldo Emerson
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Stats: This Week All Time Posts: 0 1 Views: 0 3636 Comments: 0 11 View all posts by IonaLoire@xanga
Comments (12)
I like that your focus is on being healthy, whatever that means for your shape. I try to keep the same focus. I'm always going to be overweight as well, by about 15-20 pounds. Even working at a physically demanding job, working out regularly on top of that, and eating a healthy diet low in carbs for the sake of my blood sugar, the BMI still indicates that I'm overweight.
Of course, my doctor examines me and pronounces me in fantastic health, but the BMI will never account for the fact that I do have a heavy bone structure and sink like a stone in water, and also doesn't account for my body fat percentage being pretty low.
I am sorry the posts were getting to you. They have a tendency to come in waves. I think it helps to have your own views and accept that not everyone will share them. There are some people who will have opinions that are offensive they will never change them. It's not even worth getting upset or arguing with them.
I was made fun of for being thin in middle and high school. sometimes people find anything to make fun of. you can't be this nor that or whatever. I've seen comments around xanga where people were insensitive and said the opposing ridicule along the lines of wanting to shove/pour food down the "thin/skinny" person's mouth even though it isn't always the person intentionally starving, but maybe they are naturally thin. but there isn't as much backlash when a fat person makes fun of a skinny person since "fat" people are the majority, so it is like bullying the minority sometimes, which isn't nice either.
@Nous_Apeiron@xanga - Yeah, I dont believe the BMI is very accurate at all. I can apparently be 120 pounds and still be healthy under it... Like OP, I have bigger bones and if I were 120, I would look way too thin. At 140 I was looking a little too thin and that was healthy in my BMI :/
Eventually, along this trail we call life, we have to learn to be happy and content with ourselves, and to hell with what everyone else thinks. It really doesn't matter what size a package you come in, what matters is who you are and how you interact with others.
Are you a happy, positive person? One that smiles and lights up a room when you come in? One who is self confident, intelligent, can carry on a conversation on a variety of subjects with at least a reasonable understanding of what you are talking about? That is the kind of person I want to be around.
If you are whiny, moaning about your weight or problems, negative and pessimistic, well....get me outta here...
One girl I know is huge, at least 400 lbs. I feel sorry for her, her weight is obviously a hindrance to her enjoying life more. Yet she is pleasant, intelligent, funny, great sense of humor, and just fun to be around. I enjoy debating politics with her, talking the latest anime', visiting about the book she is reading or the music I listen to. Am I physically attracted to her? No, but that isn't why I enjoy her company.
I also know two girls who are rail thin, one thinks she is a model (not very successful, I'm afraid) and the other is in my Martial Arts class. She can scarcely hold up the pads when sparring, and you cannot strike her at all, you have to shadow-spar. She cannot open a door by herself, or lift her (adopted) children. She was a runner, and got lost emotionally, nearly ran herself to death. Now she cannot have children, she can't go out to eat (very medically selective food intake) She is a walking skeleton, my forearms are larger than her thighs. The poor girl has no butt at all. Painful to look at. She cannot look you in the eye or smile, even in normal conversation. Those are extremes of course, and almost everyone else in my circle of friends falls somewhere in between.
When you find friends that accept you for who you are, right now, in the package you are in, and share similar interests, who are positive and cheerful and forward thinking, who give of themselves to others, instead of wanting others to do for them, that is when you find happiness and contentment.
One thing that puzzles me tho, in the picture below the "about the author" is a girl who has what appears to be scabs on her face and a scowl. What is that about? The look on her face either says "I'm a bitch, don't mess with me" or "I'm a screwed up sick little twist, full of drama". That girl in the picture could be really pretty if she cleared up her face, scraped off the mascara, and had a big smile...just sayin'....
The way you present yourself speaks volumes about who you are and what you are like. It has far less to do with your size or height, than the appearance you give. Look like a slob or trailer trash? Walk around with a mean assed look on your face? Spiked green and orange hair on a 60 year old checker at Wal Mart? Guy wearing pink panty hose under too short shorts wearing high heels? Yeah, makes me wanna run right up and be friends with them =/
There is a lot you can do to change your outward appearance that has very little to do with your body size, and it will make a huge impact on the quality of your life, and the enjoyment you get out of it...
I wish people would stop perpetuating the idea that Marilyn Monroe would be fat by even our standards today. She was not.
Other than that, you are right, a person shouldn't necessarily be defined by their weight and others shouldn't make assumptions of how healthy people are base solely on how they appear. I think a lot of "hate" for fat people comes from experiences where someone's obesity caused an inconvenienced. Any person who sits next to someone on an airplane or train or bus who take up more than one seat will leave that experience pissed (and can you blame them?). Then you have the argument that obesity is causing our health care costs to increase (but I honestly think that is a problem that needs to be tackled at the food producing level). I get all that. Then there are people who are, for whatever reason, just offended by the sight of someone is overweight. I understand not wanting to date someone who is overweight, but I think it is ridiculously stupid to write people off based on weight, whether as an acquaintance, friend, employee, whatever. They don't know WHY the person is overweight, and it might just be a situation like yours. No one is worth less than another because they weigh more.
@bbanmen420@xanga - I'm the same way. I am 5'4" with a large bone structure than some. I have a barrel chest just like my dad. The doctor said I needed to be in the 130s, well in the 130s I had ribs protruding, and looked very unhealthy thin. I look and feel healthiest in the 150s personally even though that is considered over weight for my height
I'm not alone! Yay! I'm 5'7", and haven't been under 150 since I was 14. That being said, my brother and I (okay, my brother a bit more so) are into weight training, so although the scale says one thing, our strength says another. One time I was having a physical, and the doctor began discussing my weight with my mom based solely on the numbers on my chart (obviously without nothing my muscle mass). It kind of bothered me that that sort of thing happen in the medical field as well. Yay for big bones!
Of course you can be bigger and healthy. I don't know why some people find that so hard to accept. And of course we all have different bone sizes, you don't have to convince me of that because I'm not an ignoramus.
I find curves and bigger bone structure to be attractive anyway. Variety is the spice of life!
"The measure of a person isn't in the size of their waist, but in the depth of their character."
Fantastic. Don't forget that it is your confidence, intelligence (as clearly demonstrated in this post), and the self image of yourself that you project out to others is what others will find attractive in you. Besides, if we're lucky to live very long lives we'll all be old and wrinkled and bald anyways, character is all we've got
It is funny that the high fashion skinny super model culture rarely focuses on heath and fitness being the reason that these girls look so tiny- somehow it is just expected that one can be a twig with no emphasis on what kind of insanity an average built person would have to go through to attain that. It is unrealistic. It is especially unrealistic to not acknowledge the unfortunate genetic predispositions that many people have to work with.
Great post, strongly worded, lots of excellent points to think about.
@Ork58@xanga - That picture of the girl with scabs and the bitchy face is just a picture of a girl who likes to play with makeup and zombie FX. ;)
Very Well said. that is why we have to accept ourselves and love ourselves for who we are because we will never be able to please everyone. This, however, is very hard to do sometimes with the commercials, movies, and magazines trying to show us their view of what beauty should be. We can get caught in the trap trying to copy them without even realizing it.