Running late to meetings, events and dinners is a hassle for all parties involved. The notorious "late friend" doesn't mean to be late all the time - it just happens. There's more to the situation though than just being late and seemingly selfish.
According to an article "
There's a Reason You're Always Late," people who are chronically late tend to battle different psychological situations, may show signs of anxiety and distraction, and are thrill seekers.
Because of these issues, as well as strong personality traits,
it's difficult to break the chronic lateness.
In the article, Diana DeLonzor, author of the book "Never Be Late Again," says that telling a late person to be on time is like telling a dieter not to eat so much. "If it were that easy, we wouldn't have Weight Watchers."
The article then goes into detail on suggestions of how to stop being late in a step-by-step process, including what type of lateness you experience and what causes it.
Are you the "late friend?" Do you agree that there's more to being late than what's on the surface?
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Comments (22)
I'm self-employed and single so I set my own schedule. I'm never late.
hm yeah i am kind of the 5-10 minute late person. i think it's because i underestimate how long it will take me to get ready and get there. usually i say , oh i've still got 5 minutes left, i'll just do this real quick and then its 15 min later and i didn't even realize it
Even before reading the study on this, I always theorized that being chronically late is linked to some kind of psychological issue, like how your "mental wellness" is. I tend to be late more times than not, but not as bad as my parents who are 99% late to everything. That is the household I grew up in, so they definitely modeled being late...and then when I moved to college I realized not everyone was like me and were actually on time. So sadly, I've only really started being on time until college. Oh, and also my dad suffers from an anxiety disorder and I think my mom battles with depression so it seems very plausible that its linked to one's mental well-being.
I'm always early to appointments... late to social engagements.
I learned to be late because I was always early and waiting on other people for voluntary activities tends to make me anxious.
When I was in seventh grade, my drama teacher, to ensure that we'd be on time to 9am Saturday rehearsals, would say "if you're early, you're on time; if you're on time, you're late". I know that when it comes to things such as homework or planning something, I'll let myself procrastinate, but when someone's picking me up or if I have class I'll be ready about ten minutes beforehand and when I'm going to a big event where my attendance won't be too impacting I'll be there 10-15 minutes late because I don't like being the first one there.
Obviously mine is based on priority and comfort :P
I don't know if I'm the absent-minded professor, or the evader... maybe a little of both! I'm evading studying for my test right now... it's at 5:15... Also, I had an anxiety dream that I accidentally showed up to the test an hour late (which happened to me once in undergrad... dropped down 1.5 letter grades for my class average on that one test, from an A to a B-).
I annoy friends and family by wanting to be super early to planes, trains, buses, etc. I'm early/on time to interviews or first meetings with someone. But once I get to know a person and their habits, I usually learn they'll run 5-10 mins late and match it, mostly so they don't feel bad (and I don't have to wait as long). Doesn't bother me either way, though.
@raspbxrrryjam@xanga - I'm like that as well! I hate being late to important things, but I grew tired of waiting for friends at social events so now I get there at what time I think they'll arrive!
I'm always 15+ minutes early, for everything. I always leave half an hour early and even if I have to sit in the car or roam around for the extra time, I'm always always always early. I can't stand late people. My dad and my brother have a tendency to do things last minute, so I think growing up around them, seeing that irritated me and I do my best to avoid it.
My mother has never been on time for a thing in her life, I swear to God, haha. She was even like 3 weeks late with me, come on. It has my entire life drove me absolutely bonkers. Even when I was a child, I hated it. Late for school every day is so embarrassing and it wasn't my fault in the least 95% of the time. How could you do that to your child?! Always late to pick someone up, late to dinner, late to leave when going somewhere, late to FUNERALS. We were really excited this year because we were the second last people at my family Christmas party as opposed to the last.
I don't think she's ever on time for work, either... She's a home support worker, so it's not like she has to clock or anyone see's her - and there's a 15 minute window (you know, for emergencies) that she uses as a "well it says I have to be there at 8... aka 815." She sleeps in until she has to leave basically, and then she has to eat breakfast and sit down for five minutes anyways.. ugh she drives me crazy.
That being said, I am dedicated to be on time for everything. I'm sometimes way to early for things, too. I over estimate how long it'll take me at the bank or something and end up at work half an hour early, haha.
I'm usually on time for things. Which, being around artists means that I'm usually there twenty minutes earlier than everyone else. There was only one job where I was always late. I understood why, though. I hated working there, hated everything about it, and even hated the fact that getting there on time meant that I was ten minutes late, according to their clock-in computer. I would actually say to myself "Why should I give up more of my free time to get ready twenty minutes early, and still wind up staying two hours later than I was scheduled?". Since then though, I've gone back to being on time.
I am totally the late friend. But not because I'm irresponsible. In fact, I probably start preparing HOURS before everyone else does. It's just...well...my issue is, I never look good enough, so I take as much time as possible to make myself as presentable as possible. Doesn't help that I'm as hairy as a beast and require long maintenance hours to fix myself. Can never wake up and go....:(
But...if I did not have this issue, I'd never be late. I get anxious knowing someone is waiting for me.
I'm habitually early to everything (not too early, usually at least 5 minutes), and I plan my days when I have somewhere to be very carefully.
However, my boyfriend. Is always. Late. Everywhere. It drives me nuts. He likes to leave at the last possible second and hope that nothing holds us up along the way. I'd rather leave quite early and have to wait around.
I dunno.. I'm bipolar, have a mess of psychological issues and I'm almost never late. I have panic attacks even thinking about being late.. My ex was late every time he'd come to see me. The way he described it, he'd be running out of that house last minute, and then he'd realize things he should have done that day (it wasn't like he was busy lol), like get gas or fill up his leaky tire. I don't believe it was deliberate or intentional, but I believe it was 100% preventable because when I reminded him early in the day to get things done, he was actually on time. In his case, it was simple laziness.
Sad to say this, but when someone is always late, I figure she (or he) is lying to herself about being high maintenance thinking it only takes 30 minutes to get ready when it's really over an hour or not bright enough to estimate time in her head.
Using the whole European Time, Colored Time, Asian Time, Latin Time as an excuse is lame too.
I never even met chronically late people until I moved to New York and I lived in Hispanic and Asian communities before coming here. If my friends in could meet me in a certain time frame when I lived in an Asian country then you can't say you're late because it's an Asian thing. One of my Latino friends also blamed her race. I'm Hispanic and everyone in my family is on time. My friends back home would be on time, so saying it's a Latino trait is offensively implying we all have this bad quality.
I'm late cause I usually watch TV shows on netflix while I'm getting ready and I get really into the storyline. So, yes, it's selfish. Sorry.
If you are in a position of power, you can be late whenever you want. Imagine if you were having lunch with the president (if you dislike Obama, substitute it for another world leader or someone else you really admire), you would not be late but the president can certainly be. It's a subtle/passive-aggressive way to assert dominance if one can make the other party continually wait for you.
I'm almost always late. I just procrastinate and then don't give myself enough time to get anywhere! I also hate being early. I don't like that somone who has commented on this said that people who are late are high maintenance or not bright enough to estimate time. That's not the case in my situation, nice to see people can be so narrow-minded though.
I'm always early for everything. In fact, at one of my former jobs I was just on time once and my boss said she was worried and about ready to start calling around thinking I may have been in an accident or something because I'm always 15 to 20 minutes early at least. All my friends are chronically late for everything though - it drives me crazy. Recently I've taken to not answering the phone/door if my friend(s) show up 20+ minutes passed our agreed upon time. I think it's rude to keep people waiting like that, as if their time doesn't matter.
Being chronically late, as my mother always was, created big problems in her social circle. They waited for her and allowed her to be continuously late .
Being late is rude and inconsiderate of others. It is not cute. It is not ok.
Plan ahead and arrive 5-10 minutes early. It's the nice thing to do.
I have a friend who's always late, and we're barely friends anymore because of personality traits like that. So annoying.
I'm chronically late. If I really really plan ahead, I'm on time 25% of the time. So, call it lazy and selfish, I guess I'm making up for lost "me-time." However, I try to call when I know I'll be late...but sometimes I just put it off...'til the last minute.